Argument117【0806G-Sunbird小组】第四次作业

lewis0409220UID: 2238498

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 393                  DATE: 2007-11-15

In this argument, the arguer, office-supply departments of Valu-Mart, concludes that increasing home office machines and office supplies is needed to make them profitable on the basic of a recent survey which says taking more work home are required by over 70 percent of the respondents. This argument, however, is weakened for several reasons.

First of all, no arresting relationship is abridged between the trend of working at home and the trend of buying office supplies. Other ingredients may impact the decision to buy office supplies. For instance, if people themselves will afford the money spent on office supplies that they are intend to buy instead of company, they will think it over whether it is worthy of buying office supplies.

Secondly, even if working people trends to buy more office machines and supplies, office-supply in Valu-Mart may not make more excellent sales because of the competition of other supermarket. So Valu-Mart should make some efficient advertisement to allure more customers. In addition, before increasing office-supply stock, it is necessary to make other kinds of survey such as what kinds of office machines are more likely to be possessed of, for it's impossible for one to buy all these kinds of machines, which would cost much money and some of them may be useless. And survey about which brands are more popular is also helpful for Valu-Mart to make better sales.

Thirdly, Valu-Mart may be involved in problems with too much stock of office-supply. A large amount of money is needed for increasing office-supply stock. If office supplies are not sold in time, money for stock of other goods deduces. As a result, poor finance situation occurs. So the quantity of office supplies should be considered and calculated, instead of increasing office supplies blindly. Additionally, different places have different requirement for office supplies. In some less developed regions, there is less work distributed to people, which causes that fewer people trends to work home. According to that, augment stock is not necessary at all stores. In short, increasing all Valu-Mart stores the stock of office supplies without take into account adequate quantity in different stores may not be good for their sales.

In conclusion, the survey about work-home trend can't lead to the result that office supply departments will make content sales by increasing office supplies. Many other factors are to be considered.

[ 本帖最后由 lewis0409220 于 2007-11-16 22:06 编辑 ]

edith_sleepingUID: 2368536

In this argument, the arguer, office-supply departments of Valu-Mart, concludes that increasing home office machines and office supplies is needed to make them profitable on the basic of a recent survey which says taking more work home are required by over 70 percent of the respondents. This argument, however, is weakened for several reasons.

First of all, no arresting relationship is abridged（这个不是缩减的意思吗） between the trend of working at home and the trend （这里可以用that指代the trend）of buying office supplies. Other ingredients may impact the decision to buy office supplies. For instance, if people themselves will afford the money spent on office supplies that they are intend to buy instead of company这句话感觉有点混乱, they will think it over whether it is worthy of buying office supplies.感觉这个说服力还可以再加强，可以多几个假设
Secondly, even if working people（workers或者别的） trends to buy more office machines and supplies, office-supply（语法：主语应该继续用working people） in Valu-Mart may not make more excellent sales because of the competition of other supermarket(s). So Valu-Mart should make some efficient advertisement（s） to allure（attract更好） more customers. In addition, before increasing office-supply stock, it is necessary to make other kinds of survey(s) such as what kinds of office machines are more likely to be possessed of,这点是什么意思我没有看懂 for it's impossible for one to buy all these kinds of machines, which would cost much money and some of them may be useless. And survey about which brands are more popular is also helpful for Valu-Mart to make better sales.这里可以用名词来代替what- 比如说suvey on the preference of customers

Thirdly, Valu-Mart may be involved in problems with too much stock of office-supply. 这一点有点过虑了 文中并没有说要大量的进货A large amount of money is needed for increasing office-supply stock. If office supplies are not sold in time, money for stock of other goods deduces. As a result, poor finance situation occurs. So the quantity of office supplies should be considered and calculated, instead of increasing office supplies blindly. Additionally, different places have different requirement for office supplies. In some less developed regions, there is less work distributed to people, which causes that fewer people trends to work home. According to that, augment stock is not necessary at all stores. In short, increasing all Valu-Mart stores the stock of office supplies without take into account adequate quantity in different stores may not be good for their sales.

In conclusion, the survey about work-home trend can't lead to the result that office supply departments will make content sales by increasing office supplies. Many other factors are to be considered.可以提建议
整篇文章读下来觉得比上次的argue更好了 文章有努力的是结构往递进等方面发展，这一点尤其体现在一二点的论述上，但是从第三点开始觉得有点赶,结尾可以写的丰满一些。我觉得文章没有把一些重点缺陷写出来，比如说survey的可信度问题

你写的好快 我觉得这个argue不是很好写啊 呵呵
有空的话指教一下https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=764847&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1771089459

[ 本帖最后由 edith_sleeping 于 2007-11-17 02:16 编辑 ]