Argument117 【0806G-Sunbird小组】 第4次作业

edith_sleepingUID: 2368536

第四次作业Argument117 The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
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"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.

:) 用时：2 小时 字数：489 :)

In this memo, the writer, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores, concludes that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the Valu-Mart stores. To support the conclusion, the writer cites a survey showing that over 70 percent of the responders are required to take more work home than past, and predict that there will be increasing needs of home office machines and office supply which will bring great profits to the office-supply department. I find the writer’s argument weak, for three reasons.

First, by relying on the survey to support its conclusion the argument depends on the assumption that the respondents to the recent survey are the representatives of all workers. Yet, the writer falls to detail the information of these respondents. Perhaps, this respondents are just workers whose jobs are needed to bring home to finish; or perhaps, in this period there are some special situation which required workers to take more work with them from the workplace than they were in the past, but months later it will be not this case at all; or perhaps only a few of those people who take the survey respond so that the result of the survey is not reliable at all. Without eliminating this possibility, the writer cannot rely on the survey to conclude the work-at-home trend

Even if the result of the survey is reliable and there is really the work-at-home trend, it does not indicate the increasing needs for office machines and office supply. Possibly, these workers who bring work home rarely need the printers, small copy machines and pens. They can share the documents by Internet. And even if they really have to use the office machines and office supply, they can use them in their office as they spend most of the time there; or possibly, these workers who require bring work home have already owned this machines and supplies. If so, the needs for the office machines and office supplies will be limited.

Even if there are great needs for the office machines and office supply, the writer fails to provide any information about the market competition and the consumers’ preferences. Perhaps, there is a big market of them but too much stores are competing in this market. The writer does not detail the quality of their products and the preference of the customers. And there is no evidence to show that the department will gain profits in the market. So the writer fails to convince us that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our store.

In conclusion, the writer’s argument is unpersuasive. To strengthen it, the writer must provide more convincing evidence that there are great needs of the office machine and office-supply and consumers prefer to buy them in the office-supply department of Valu-Mart. To better support the conclusion, we may need some surveys on the competition of the market and the preference of consumers.

有拍必回

请多多指出不足 先谢过

[ 本帖最后由 edith_sleeping 于 2007-11-17 02:31 编辑 ]

lewis0409220UID: 2238498

In this memo, the writer, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores, concludes that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the Valu-Mart stores. To support the conclusion, the writer cites a survey showing that over 70 percent of the responders are required to take more work home than past, and predict that there will be increasing needs of home office machines and office supply(supplies) which will bring great profits to the office-supply department. I find the writer’s argument weak, for three reasons.


First, by relying on the survey to support its conclusion the argument depends on the assumption that the respondents to the recent survey are the representatives of all workers. Yet, the writer falls to detail the information of these respondents. Perhaps, this respondents are just workers whose jobs are needed to bring home to finish; or perhaps, in this period there are(were) some special situation(situations) which required workers to take more work with them from the workplace than they were in the past, but months later it will be not (would not be)this case at all; or perhaps only a few of those people who take(would take) the survey respond so that the result of the survey is not reliable at all. Without eliminating this possibility, the writer cannot rely on the survey to conclude the work-at-home trend 我觉得这一段写得很好,还可以再提一下地域上的可信度

Even if the result of the survey is reliable and there is really the work-at-home trend, it does not indicate the increasing needs for office machines and office supply. Possibly, these workers who bring work home rarely need the printers, small copy machines and pens. They can share the documents by(是否用in更好些?) Internet. And even if they really have to use the office machines and office supply, they can use them in their office as they spend most of the time there; or possibly, these workers who require bring work home have already owned this machines and supplies. If so, the needs for the office machines and office supplies will be limited.连续两次让步,逻辑很清楚,语言也很好,读起来很舒服

Even if there are great needs for the office machines and office supply, the writer fails to provide any information about the market competition and the consumers’ preferences. Perhaps, there is a big market of(是否应该用for?) them but too much stores are competing in this market. The writer does not detail the quality of their products and the preference of the customers. And there is no evidence to show that the department will gain profits in the market. So the writer fails to convince us that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component (components)of our(用our有点问题吧) store.

In conclusion, the writer’s argument is unpersuasive. To strengthen it, the writer must provide more convincing evidence that there are great needs of the office machine and office-supply and consumers prefer to buy them in the office-supply department of Valu-Mart. To better support the conclusion, we may need some surveys on the competition of the market and the preference of consumers.
逻辑很清淅,层层让步很有条理,我看完之后有被说服的感觉

[ 本帖最后由 lewis0409220 于 2007-11-17 21:12 编辑 ]