issue83 [SpringCity飞跃小组]第二次作业

Scofield_thuUID: 2447386

83 "Government should preserve publicly ownedwilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are oftenextremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people." 【05/47; 06/】
政府应该保护那些疆域范围内的偏远地带，保持他们的原始状态，尽管这些地区一般来说非常偏僻，很少有人能够到达。
It is known to all that the environmentproblem nowadays is so serious that it exerts a severe threat to the survivalof human beings. Various Measures ware taken but these efforts are mainly focuson something that was already wrong. Is that all right? To the answer the questionand attracts more attention form the mass public to the environment problem,the speaker raises a claim that the government should preserve publicly ownedwilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are oftenextremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I quite agree withthat assertion.

Just as mentioned the environment problem,say deforestation, global warming and pollution, increasingly attracts people’sattention. For example due to the global warming many rare species becomeextinct and large amount of cities along the coastline will be in danger forthe floodings and storms. More and more people realize that the protection of theearth is also the self-protection of human beings. As a result, how to protect environmentand prevent pollution tops the agenda in many countries. Lots of measures havebeen taken to eliminate the deterioration of the problem by many countries,such as the closure of polluting factories and the cure to the affected rivers andso forth. However these protecting environment responses received tiny effects.Why?

The answer is that most of the measuresfocus on the things that are already badly wrong instead of ones which are ingood condition but with potential to be ruined. Protect environment is justlike to prevent fire. Although it is important for the firefighter to put outthe fire, it is critical to take precautions on the fire-prone target and getrid of potential danger of big fire. So it is worthwhile to preserve publiclyowned wilderness areas ahead as a precaution even when they appear all right.

Totally speaking there are two reasons whywe should take precaution to the remote wilderness. One is that it is the bestand direct way to protect the rare resource that we have. Taking the Amazon riverand forest for example, if we hadn’t preserved the forest in their natural state and prevented deforestation beforehand, the trees would be all goneand Amazon would be another Sahara. The otherreason is simple in that it is much easy and takes less cost to keep the wildernessin their natural state than to restore the ruined place to its origin. You canget the answer immediately just thinking about the people who are fightingagainst desert and wishing turn the desert to Green Island.

In summery, it is worth taking precautionsto protect and preserve the wilderness when they are still in the natural statewithout the fluke mind that the remote wilderness will not be polluted. Onlyin that way the human will win the battles against environment problem and getbenefits not only for the contemporary people but for the offspring in thefollowing generations as well.

hischildUID: 2143480

It is known to all that the environment problem nowadays is so serious that it exerts a severe threat to the survival of human beings. Various Measures ware（are） taken but these efforts are mainly focus on something that was already wrong. Is that all right? To the answer the question and attracts more attention form the mass public to the environment problem, the speaker raises a claim that the government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I quite agree with that assertion. (强烈建议把中心句放在第一段的末尾)

Just as mentioned the environment problem, say deforestation, global warming and pollution, increasingly attracts people’s attention. For example due to the global warming many rare species become extinct and large amount of cities along the coastline will be in danger for the floodings（单数） and storms. More and more people realize that the protection of the earth is also the self-protection of human beings. As a result, how to protect environment and to prevent pollution tops the agenda in many countries. Lots of measures have been taken to eliminate the deterioration of the problem by many countries, such as the closure of polluting factories and the cure to the affected rivers and so forth. However these protecting environment responses received tiny effects. Why? (这么写不可以的啊，这一段和荒地保护就没关系，每一段都应该是对你观点构成支持关系，这段只是说各种环境破坏和需要保护和题目的关系不是很紧密啊，不然就和其他段落并一下)

The answer is that most of the measures focus on the things that are already badly wrong instead of ones which are in good condition but with potential to be ruined. Protect environment is just like to prevent fire. Although it is important for the firefighter to put out the fire, it is critical to take precautions on the fire-prone target and get rid of potential danger of big fire. So it is worthwhile to preserve publicly owned wilderness areas ahead as a precaution even when they appear all right.（在我看来这段和题目也没直接关系啊）
Totally speaking there are two reasons why we should take precaution to the remote wilderness. One is that it is the best and direct way to protect the rare resource that we have. Taking the Amazon river and forest for example, if we hadn’t preserved the forest in their natural state and prevented deforestation beforehand, the trees would be all gone and Amazon would be another Sahara. The other reason is simple in that it is much easy and takes less cost to keep the wilderness in their natural state than to restore the ruined place to its origin. You can get the answer immediately just thinking about the people who are fighting against desert and wishing turn the desert to Green Island.（这段切题了，但是论述不够充分，保护荒地有什么好处，为什么要保护没有说得很清楚，有论据，但是没有论证过程噢）

In summery, it is worth taking precautions to protect and preserve the wilderness when they are still in the natural state without the fluke mind that the remote wilderness will not be polluted. Only in that way the human will win the battles against environment problem and get benefits not only for the contemporary people but for the offspring in the following generations as well.

红色是要删的，蓝色是我加的


建议一下哈：
ISSUE是立论文，也就是说先放出中心观点，然后用每一个分论点去支持它，说明支持、反对的理由，我觉得这篇文章开始的两段都没有切题，你的观点是要保护，那么就要强调保护的目的，而你正文强调的是要在没有毁坏的时候保护，和中心句没有构成支持关系。论证过程也不够....但是你用词变化很多，佩服哈

[ 本帖最后由 hischild 于 2008-1-17 18:29 编辑 ]

liny0901UID: 2399672

It is known to all that the environment problem nowadays is so serious that it exerts a severe threat to the survival of human beings. Various Measures are taken but these efforts are mainly focus(->focused) on something that was already wrong. Is that all right? To answer the question and attracts (->attract) more attention from the mass public to the environment problem, the speaker raises a claim that the government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. I quite agree with that assertion. (强烈建议把中心句放在第一段的末尾)

Just as mentioned the environment problem, say deforestation, global warming and pollution, increasingly attracts people’s attention. For example due to the global warming many rare species become extinct and large amount of cities along the coastline will be in danger for the floodings（单数） and storms. More and more people realize that the protection of the earth is also the self-protection of human beings. As a result, how to protect environment and to prevent pollution tops the agenda in many countries. Lots of measures have been taken to eliminate the deterioration of the problem by many countries, such as the closure of polluting factories and the cure to the affected rivers and so forth. However these protecting environment responses received tiny effects. Why? (这么写不可以的啊，这一段和荒地保护就没关系，每一段都应该是对你观点构成支持关系，这段只是说各种环境破坏和需要保护和题目的关系不是很紧密啊，不然就和其他段落并一下)

The answer is that most of the measures focus on the things that are already badly wrong instead of ones which are in good condition but with potential to be ruined. (To )protect environment is just like to prevent fire. Although it is important for the firefighter to put out the fire, it is critical to take precautions on the fire-prone target and get rid of potential danger of big fire. So it is worthwhile to preserve publicly owned wilderness areas ahead as a precaution even when they appear all right.（在我看来这段和题目也没直接关系啊）
Totally speaking there are two reasons why we should take precaution to the remote wilderness. One is that it is the best and direct way to protect the rare resource that we have. Taking the Amazon river and forest for example, if we hadn’t preserved the forest in their natural state and prevented deforestation beforehand, the trees would be all gone and Amazon would be another Sahara. The other reason is simple in that it is much easy and takes less cost to keep the wilderness in their natural state than to restore the ruined place to its(代词前后不一) origin. You can get the answer immediately just thinking about the people who are fighting against desert and wishing turn the desert to Green Island.（这段切题了，但是论述不够充分，保护荒地有什么好处，为什么要保护没有说得很清楚，有论据，但是没有论证过程噢）

In summery, it is worth taking precautions to protect and preserve the wilderness when they are still in the natural state without the fluke mind that the remote wilderness will not be polluted. Only in that way the human will win (要到装)the battles against environment problem and get benefits not only for the contemporary people but for the offspring in the following generations as well.


sco的词汇变换很多,很出彩,,注意些小语法错误旧更精彩了