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[a习作temp] argument45[Jet]小组第三次作业,跟帖就回拍 [复制链接]

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发表于 2008-2-3 22:49:49 |显示全部楼层
真诚的希望大家帮我修改,看过的人请留名,我必回拍
TOPIC: ARGUMENT45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."
WORDS: 469          TIME: 01:20:00          DATE: 2008-2-3 13:43:41

The speaker recommends that  the decline of the arctic deer populations in Canada's arctic region is due to the global warming trends which  check the migration of the deer across the frozen sea. However, if we inspect carefully about the  conclusions above, three conspicuous defects in its logic reasoning emerge.

First of all, the author asserts that the deer populations are declining according to reports from local hunters. Do the reports really make any sense? The only reason that the hunters think the populations are declining is that they see less deer than before. But it is entirely possible that the deer find a warm area where they can fetch enough foods recently. There is no need for them to migrate anymore. Perhaps it' s the breeding season of the year, the female deer hide in some secret area to have their babies. It's also possible that the local hunters become so lazier that they do not like to catch up the deer far from their homes. So before the speaker can provided more reliable evidence on the decline in arctic deer populations, they can not make the conclusion.

Second,  the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. The recent global warming may not lead to the sea ice melting in this area. We all know that the temperature depend on many factors, such as the local plant, the population of dwellers, etc. Some areas may become colder at the trend of global warming. Even if the temperature in this arctic region is declining, does that means the sea ice will melt? No, the temperature may also be able to freeze the water on the sea so that the Arctic deer can migrate freely from one area to another.

Furthermore, even if the populations of the arctic deer is declining and the local temperature is become lower than before, they may not have a directly correlation. The only reason for this causal relation is they occur at the same time. But there may be some other possibility. The hunter, referred by the arguer, is of the highest possibility to contribute to the decline in deer population. They may murder too many deer in order to dress warmly and ear one's  fill recent year. Experience tell us that human is the enemy of all kinds of animals. We have destroyed and are destroying the nature and we will be punished by it. The decline is the result the nature give to the hunter. It may also perhaps some kind of predators such as pole bears migrate to this area and cause the death of the arctic deer.

In conclusion, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between the global warming trends and the decline in arctic deer populations. To strengthen the argument the arguer would have to provide more reliable evidence.

[ 本帖最后由 hao3361 于 2008-2-3 23:11 编辑 ]

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发表于 2008-2-5 01:44:14 |显示全部楼层
The speaker recommends that  the decline of the arctic deer populations in Canada's arctic region is due to the global warming trends which  check the migration of the deer across the frozen sea. However, if we inspect carefully about the  conclusions above, three conspicuous defects in its logic reasoning emerge.
相当顺畅的开头!赞~~
First of all, the author asserts that the deer populations are declining according to reports from local hunters. Do the reports really make any sense? The only reason that the hunters think the populations are declining is that they see less deer than before. But it is entirely possible that the deer find a warm area where they can fetch enough foods recently. There is no need for them to migrate anymore. Perhaps it' s the breeding season of the year, the female deer hide in some secret area to have their babies. It's also possible that the local hunters become so lazier that they do not like to catch up the deer far from their homes. So before the speaker can provided more reliable evidence on the decline in arctic deer populations, they can not make the conclusion.


Second,  the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. The recent global warming may not lead to the sea ice melting in this area. We all know that the change of temperature depends on many factors, such as the local plant, the population of dwellers, etc. Some areas may become colder at the trend of global warming. Even if the temperature in this arctic region is declining, does that means(mean) the sea ice will melt? No, the temperature may also be able to freeze the water on the sea so that the Arctic deer can migrate freely from one area to another.

Furthermore, even if the populations of the arctic deer is declining and the local temperature is become(becoming) lower than before, they may not have a directly(direct) correlation. The only reason for this causal relation is that they occur at the same time. But there may be some other possibility(possibilities). The hunter, referred by the arguer, is of the highest possibility to contribute to the decline in deer population. They may murder too many deer in order to dress warmly and ear one's  fill recent year.(阿对不起我没看懂这个用法,ear one's fill= =请告诉我) Experience tells us that human is the enemy of all kinds of animals. We have destroyed and are destroying the nature and we will be punished by it. The decline is the result the(that) nature give to(gives) the hunter. It may also perhaps(这里的may已经有了也许的意思,再用 perhaps显多余,改为It may also be) some kinds of predators such as pole bears migrating to this area had caused the death of the arctic deer.

In conclusion, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between the global warming trends and the decline in arctic deer populations. To strengthen the argument the arguer would have to provide more reliable evidence.

hao3361同学:)注意下第三人称变位,还有单复数之类的小细节~整体上思路很清晰~文章相当流畅~~表扬:loveliness:

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发表于 2008-2-11 09:58:02 |显示全部楼层
谢谢楼上的耐心点评,提个小小的意见,以后能不能不要在原文上修改,直接在后面打括号,这样我就不用拿原文看了,谢谢!!
关于你ear one's fill的提问回答如下,讲个小故事
every one needs the top 5 needs.

the 1st one, safty, explain like that if you are pursued by a tiger, you will never think about other things but running...

the 2nd one, “dress warmly and ear one's fill” or you can say " clothes and food", yep, say you will never play basketball when you are out of water or without your underwear - -;~

the 3th one, the repect from others... don't tell me you like to be looked down upon

the 4th one, being acknowledged by the society, yeah, show yourself.

the 5th one, achieving yourself.


就是来自第二层需求,人的温饱问题

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RE: argument45[Jet]小组第三次作业,跟帖就回拍 [修改]

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argument45[Jet]小组第三次作业,跟帖就回拍
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