issue51 [Jet小组] 第三次作业～继续努力～大家都＋oil

leftkissUID: 2347956

Issue51 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

字数：525 没有限时～继续ing～～

As a common sense, interests and needs are accepted as the most effected motivations which justify to our study, spurring individual in thinking and researching. However, I only agree with the speaker's clamor to some extent. The traditional education system-teacher centered-also has its positive influence even in recent.

I conceded that students can learn much better at the time their interests and needs be suited. However, only having interests can ensure them study well? Probably not, they need help and guidance that makes plans in their learning and teach them how to think, analysis, calculates and so forth. For instance, nowadays so many teenagers are addicted in computer games, undoubtedly, it is another kind of study and experience even brought out excellent experts in this field. The counterproductive result is that most of them have school failure and waste the important time that should learn knowledge. What's worse, abusing violence and sexy in the computer games mislead some teenagers appeal to crime, drugs which jeopardize our society.

Furthermore, what's effective education? Here, I'd like to quote the definition made by Paris Education Union in 1996: learn to know, learn to do, learn to get together, and learn to be. For my perspective, almost all kind of education can teach people what they unknown. Education will achieve the purposes above, indeed, when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. The topical example is Winton Churchill. He failed in most of the school exams which appeals to the traditional education system but won the most of the battles in the life. He was fancy for military affairs, politics, painting and literature. It is his interests that accomplished a great Prime Minister, an outstanding painter, a winner of Nobel Literature Prize in 1953. But his success experience can't apply equal to everyone. There are also many courses very important but tedious such as math, philosophy which we might dislike. Can we give up them according to our interests in the student-centered education? Probably not as many other courses are based on them.

Nevertheless, there are also other ways to achieve effective education. Consequently, student-oriented education is not the only way. Cooperation, competition, teamwork and coo petition and so forth can teach people how to be and how to get together. We learn much more in communicating with cooperators even competitors. On the other hand, our teaching resources cannot possibly afford a specially designed education for everyone. Considering that, 1 million students with various personalities and features have at least 1 million expectations over their education. Moreover, the students' interests and needs are unsettled and in change due to their age, surroundings and accumulating of knowledge. Trying to keep pace with students' frequently changed hobbies will mess up our education.

In the final analysis, I conceded that traditional teacher-centered education may overlook the individual's need and interests, which can provides counterproductive. Whereas, considering the limited of educational resource and frequently changing of the individual needs and interests, student-oriented education would possibly result in a chaos in the education. So maybe balance the two extreme ends is the better method to our recent education.

欢迎大家多提意见～留链回拍～共同:handshake 进步撒:)

[ 本帖最后由 leftkiss 于 2008-2-5 17:36 编辑 ]

txjlionUID: 2445370

As a common sense, interests and needs are accepted as the most effected motivations which justify to（在百度上搜了一下，没有发现justify to 这种搭配，鉴于这是文章的开头部分，是不是用更English的，常见的搭配比较好呢？）our study, spurring individual in thinking and researching. However, I only agree with the speaker's clamor to some extent. The traditional education system-teacher centered-also has its positive influence even in recent.

I conceded that students can learn much better at the time their interests and needs be suited. However, only having interests can ensure them study well?（这个句子不是疑问句的语法吧，好像很Chinese。 Is interests the only factor to ensure them study well? 我的该法仅供参考）Probably not,（Probably not与前面的疑问句在逻辑结构上是一起的，用逗号和后面的内容连在一起，不通） they need help and guidance that makes plans in their learning and teach（前面有动词need，且逻辑关系上they是被教，此句的主语为they，teach的主语应该为teacher，建议整句从新修改）them how to think, analysis, calculates and so forth. For instance, nowadays so many teenagers are addicted in computer games, undoubtedly, it is another kind of study and experience even brought out excellent experts in this field（前面addicted in这个词是带有贬义色彩的，后面培养出了experts是褒义的，举例子时候建议前后用词感情色彩一致。一个例子有两个完全相反的感情色彩，所以没看出来这个例子到底是支持什么观点的）. The counterproductive result is that most of them have school failure（Chinese表达法）and waste the important time that should learn knowledge（learn knowledge的主语与本句的主语不一致）. What's worse, abusing violence and sexy （and前后的词性要一直）in the computer games mislead some teenagers appeal to crime, drugs which jeopardize our society（同一个句子中，两个连着的动词）

Furthermore, what's effective education? Here, I'd like to quote the definition made by Paris Education Union in 1996: learn to know, learn to do, learn to get together, and learn to be. For my perspective, almost all kind （kinds）of education can teach people what they unknown. Education will achieve the purposes above, indeed, when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. The topical example is Winton Churchill. He failed in most of the school exams which appeals to（这个词在这里没看出意思） the traditional education system but won the most of the battles in the life. He was fancy for military affairs, politics, painting and literature. It is his interests that accomplished a great Prime Minister, an outstanding painter, a winner of Nobel Literature Prize in 1953. But his success experience can't apply equal to everyone. There are also many courses very important but tedious such as math, philosophy which we might dislike. Can we give up them according to our interests in the student-centered education? Probably not as many other courses are based on them（主语是？）.（此段的中心思想是?在整篇文章中的逻辑作用？）

Nevertheless, there are also other ways to achieve effective education. Consequently, student-oriented education is not the only way. Cooperation, competition, teamwork and coo petition and so forth can teach people how to be and how to get together. We learn much more in communicating with cooperators even competitors. On the other hand, our teaching resources cannot possibly afford a specially designed education for everyone. Considering that, 1 （新东方的老师讲，gre作文中，数字最好用英文：））million students with various personalities and features have at least 1 million expectations over their education. Moreover, the students' interests and needs are unsettled and in change（语法不对） due to their age, surroundings and accumulating of knowledge. Trying to keep pace with students' frequently changed hobbies will mess up our education.

In the final analysis, I conceded that traditional teacher-centered education may overlook the individual's need and interests, which can provides counterproductive. Whereas, considering the limited（此处应为名词） of educational resource and frequently changing of the individual needs and interests, student-oriented education would possibly result in a chaos in the education. So maybe balance the two extreme ends is the better method to our recent education.

细节性的：And前后连接的内容，最好同为动名词，或者同为名词，二者尽量不混用
总体：文中有不少很中国的语言用法，建议作者每次写完之后，提炼一下句子的主谓宾，这是避免语法错误的好方法。

另外一篇文章，明天给你改，一点半了，呵呵

xiahsoulUID: 2441730

As a common sense, interests and needs are accepted as the most effected motivations which justify to our study, spurring individual in thinking and researching. However, I only agree with the speaker's clamor to some extent. The traditional education system-teacher centered-also has its positive influence even in recent.

I conceded that students can learn much better at the time their interests and needs be suited. However, only having interests can ensure them study well? Probably not, they need help and guidance that makes plans in their learning and teach them how to think, analysis, calculates and so forth. For instance, nowadays so many teenagers are addicted in computer games, undoubtedly, it is another kind of study and experience even brought out excellent experts in this field. The counterproductive result is that most of them have school failure and waste the important time that should learn knowledge. What's worse, abusing violence and sexy in the computer games mislead some teenagers appeal to crime, drugs which jeopardize our society. （感觉例子不能支持TS，你TS说的是光有兴趣是不够的，但是你的例子说得是玩电脑有兴趣，又说耽误了学习，你应该说因为对电脑有兴趣，但是缺乏一些～～～对电脑还是没学好，这样才能支持观点）

Furthermore, what's effective education? Here, I'd like to quote the definition made by Paris Education Union in 1996: learn to know, learn to do, learn to get together, and learn to be. For my perspective, almost all kind of education can teach people what they unknown（unknown是n,adj,很明显你这里要的是动词）. Education will achieve the purposes above, indeed, when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. The topical example is Winton Churchill. He failed in most of the school exams which appeals to the traditional education system but won the most of the battles in the life. He was fancy for military affairs, politics, painting and literature. It is his interests that accomplished a great Prime Minister, an outstanding painter, a winner of Nobel Literature Prize in 1953. But his success experience can't apply equal to everyone. There are also many courses very important but tedious such as math, philosophy which we might dislike. Can we give up them according to our interests in the student-centered education? Probably not as many other courses are based on them.（这段是说明的什么，你的TS不明确，而且前边是说兴趣很重要，后边又说光有想去不行，对很多人不使用，注意：一个段落表达一个意思，切忌转折）

Nevertheless, there are also other ways to achieve effective education. Consequently, student-oriented education is not the only way. Cooperation, competition, teamwork and coopetition and so forth can teach people how to be and how to get together. We learn much more in communicating with cooperators even competitors. On the other hand, our teaching resources cannot possibly afford a specially designed education for everyone. Considering that, 1 million students with various personalities and features have at least 1 million expectations over their education. Moreover, the students' interests and needs are unsettled and in change due to their age, surroundings and accumulating of knowledge. Trying to keep pace with students' frequently changed hobbies will mess up our education.（逻辑混乱重复，你前面一段说了LEARN TO BE LEARN TO GET TOGETHER,这段又再次重复)

In the final analysis, I conceded that traditional teacher-centered education may overlook the individual's need and interests, which can provides counterproductive. Whereas, considering the limited of educational resource and frequently changing of the individual needs and interests, student-oriented education would possibly result in a chaos in the education. So maybe balance the two extreme ends is the better method to our recent education.

个人觉得：
1.你应该加强下逻辑的理顺，想好了全文布局再动笔，最好列个提纲，这样可以避免思维的重复
2.注意用词的准确性 先写时宁愿用简单语言表达清晰 然后再提升语言 这点我深有体会
有的地方说的过激了 请见谅 也许说的不对 但是希望对你有点点的启发

狠狠的拍我的 别留情https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=798172&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1771391456