COMEON作文小组ammyana9.19作业

ammyanaUID: 2529083

Have you ever puzzled by such a difficult choice whether to work right after your graduation or to go futher study in a graduate school? If so, how will you make a decision,by your parents,or by yourself?From my personal angle alone,seeking advice from your parents,friends is helpful, for it can helps avoid despensable pitfalls,but in the end the person who has to live with the decision should make it by himself.

We can maintain with no doubt that having others to make decisions for us is really benecial.For one thing,the decision made by someone with a similar experience might be an encouragement for you.Imagine that you are in a dillema thinking of whether to give up the presidency of your Students Union since your courses mignt be a burden this semester.Then, if your dean who had the same situation as you  makes a decision for you to keep this position and tell you how to balance between study and work, you must be full of energy to your work again. For another,one should consider others' opinions and feelings of some people who will be impacted by the decision.If the decision made by them, of course, consists of your own ideas,that would be a perfect choice which would arrive at the win-win.

Nevertheless,a person can never depend on his parents,seniors,friends to make decisions forever.Everyone has his own way to go.Independence ,after all, is an inevitable lesson one have to learn through the preocess of growing up.Once I saw a cartoon in the newspaper,it depicts a fat middle-aged man  fed by an old lady with a milk bottle in her hand.And with a explaination says"The boomerang kid phenomenon has become a social problem on a nationwide scale."What a shame!

What's more,if the decision is made by yourself alone,you can never blame on someone else,so that you must be responsible for yourself.Subsequently,the result must be better than that of other's decision.Just think about the example I gave at the begining, if the decision of choosing work or futher study is made all by yourself,someday in the future you feel frustrated by it ,but you have to move on without complainment,for the fact that you made the choice and you have to keep on.However,if things go reverse,the decision is made by someone else,you may find an excuse to give up,and finally you got nothing.

To sum up,though the decisions made by others have its beneficial aspects,and can help you learn more through others'experiences,we should not allow or even ask others to make decisions on our behalf.You are the only one person to control your own life.
（后来发现好多小错误，又偷偷改了下）

[ 本帖最后由 ammyana 于 2008-9-19 18:37 编辑 ]

huang810UID: 2546869

恩
不错
我来给顶起~！~！~！
















星辰变后传 莲花宝鉴 恶汉

梦想在望2008UID: 2546295

对COMEON作文小组ammyana9.19作业的修改（本人水平有限，修改不好的地方请见谅！只为互相学习交流）

Have you ever puzzled by such a difficult choice whether to work right after your graduation or to go futher study in a graduate school? If so, how will you make a decision,by your parents,or by yourself?From my personal angle alone,seeking advice from your parents,friends is helpful, for it can helps avoid despensable pitfalls,but in the end the person who has to live with the decision should make it by himself.

We can maintain with no doubt that having others to make decisions for us is really benecial.For one thing,the decision made by someone with a similar experience might be an encouragement for you.Imagine that you are in a dillema thinking of whether to give up the presidency of your Students Union since your courses mignt be a burden this semester.Then, if your dean who had the same situation as you  makes a decision for you to keep this position and tell you how to balance between study and work.For another,one should consider others' opinions and feelings of some people who will be impacted by the decision,.If the decision made by them, of course, consists of your own ideas,that would be a perfect choice which would arrive at the win-win.

Nevertheless,a person can never depend on his parents,seniors,friends to make decisions forever.Everyone has his own way to go.Independence ,after all, is an inevitable lesson one have to learn through the preocess of growing up.Once I saw a cartoon in the newspaper,it depicts a fat middle-aged man  fed by an old lady with a milk bottle in her hand.And with a explaination says"The boomerang kid phenomenon has become a social problem on a nationwide scale."What a shame!

What's more,if the decision is made by yourself alone,you can never blame on someone else,so that you must be responsible for yourself.Subsequently,the result must be better than that of other's decision.Just think about the example I gave at the begining, if the decision of choosing work or futher study is made all by yourself,someday in the future you feel frustrated by it ,but you have to move on without complainment,for the fact that you made the choice and you have to keep on.However,if things go reverse,the decision is made by someone else,you may find an excuse to give up,and finally you got nothing.
To sum up,though the decisions made by others have its beneficial aspects,and can help you learn more through others'experiences,we should not allow or even ask others to make decisions on our behalf.You are the only one person to control your own life.
修改：

第一段：

1.       Further

2.       “parents,friends”之间是否可以考虑用连词来连接呢？ 

3.       “live with the decision”请教下这个短语怎么理解？

第二段：

1.       with no doubt建议插入语最好前后有间隔的逗号。

2.       to去掉

3.       others是否考虑可以去掉

4.       consists是否考虑应改成CONSISTING

第三段：

1.       friends前时候可以考虑加个连词

2.       And with a explaination says是否可以改成WITH AN EXPLANATION SAYING

3.       What a shame!是否太口语化。能否改成书面语一些的句子。WHAT A SHAMEFUL SITUATION!

第四段：

1.       Subsequently是否语气太强呢？THUS怎么样

2.       MUST我认为语气太肯定。MAY怎样呢

3.       of choosing work or further study省略怎么样呢

4.       in the future省略怎么样

5.       or the fact that you made the choice and you have to keep on总觉得可以有更好的表达

最后一段：

1.       we should not allow or even ask others to make decisions on our behalf改成被动句怎样？Others are not allowed to make decisions on our behalf.

2.       person可以考虑去掉。

结构：

我认为是否可以将第二段与第四段的位置调换下。

字数：

我认为字数严重超标。最好能保持在“320-350字”。

梦想在望2008UID: 2546295

怎么我修改的 带颜色的字体都没有了？？:funk:

dmarkUID: 2182893

这个开头不错呀
不错不错

写的很好呀
我很喜欢
读着很舒服，文笔不错
加油！

ammyanaUID: 2529083

谢谢谢谢啦！
这些地方我以后会好好改进的！

梦想在望2008UID: 2546295

:handshake