[dark tournament]-----gjw第三次作文

gjwUID: 2512308

30min 记时作文——错误多，请很批，谢谢～

Both newspapers and television are means of informing us the newly happened events in the world. Although a large proportion of people think that only newspaper can truly help people understand world events, I cannot agree with them. On the contrary, I hold the contention that compared with the traditional media-newspapers, television provides information more lively, effectively and acceptable.

To begin with，information presented on television is so vivid that people can understand it easily. There is no doubt that newspapers can provide us with the specific information in the long paragraphs, but it never gives us picture and images in detail. Sometimes, we read newspaper to form an outline about what's the events are really like. However, we cannot really have a deep understanding about them. As the famous saying goes "to see is to believe", if we don not watch the event on the present how can we believe or understand the events? A research once conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Science three months ago, which showed that over 90% people tend to watch television for information nowadays. From it we can see in term of providing lively information, television is really  superior   to newspaper.

Additionally, the speed of information reach to audients is more quickly in television than that of newspaper. As we know, to publish a newspaper need a lot of effort and is very complex. So we can easily notice the factor that when the news is edited to publish on a newspaper, it has already reported on the television. Furthermore, newspapers are not available at any time when the event happens. However, television cannot provide us with the information in time. From this perspective, I prefer to watch television for information rather than newspapers.

Moreover, to turn to televisions for recently news are more convenient and comfortable.  If we have a set of television at home, it is not necessary to go out to the store to purchase a newspaper. When we want to know what happened in the world, what we need to do is to sit down watching the television. It is very comfortable, and timesaving, thus the number of people who are willing to watch television instead of reading newspaper is increasing sharply.  

To sum up, I cannot agree that newspapers can truly help people understand world events, while television cannot. In my view of point that television is a more effective means of providing information.

[ 本帖最后由 gjw 于 2008-12-6 20:35 编辑 ]

transformersUID: 2307599

Both newspapers and television are means of informing us the newly happened events in the world. Although a large proportion of people think that only newspaper can truly help people understand（to understand） world events, I cannot agree with them. On the contrary, I hold the contention that compared with the traditional media-newspapers, television provides information more lively, effectively and acceptable.
To begin with，information presented on television is so vivid that people can understand it easily. There is no doubt that newspapers can provide us with the specific information in the long paragraphs, but it never gives us pictures and images in details. (加个连词 For example)Sometimes, we read newspaper to form an outline about what's the events are really like. However, we cannot really have a deep understanding about them. As the famous saying goes "to see is to believe", if we don not watch the event on the present how can we believe or understand the events? (前面这句不错)A research once conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Science three months ago, which showed that over 90% people tend to watch television for information nowadays. From it（that） we can see in term of providing lively information, television is really  superior   to newspaper.（这段说电视vivid）

Additionally, the speed of information reach to audients is more quickly in television than that of newspaper. As we know, to publish a newspaper need a lot of effort and is very complex. （so 和and不要用句首）So we can easily notice？ the factor that when the news is edited to publish on a newspaper, it has already reported on the television. Furthermore, newspapers are not available at any time when the event happens. However, television cannot provide us with the information in time. From this perspective, I prefer to watch television for information rather than newspapers.（这段说电视更高效问题是倒数2 3 句感觉思路有点跳最后一句点题感觉应该再加上半句因为电视的高效否则感觉就成结尾的点题句了）
Moreover, to turn to？ televisions for recently news are more convenient and comfortable.  If we have a set of television at home, it is not necessary to go out to the store to purchase a newspaper. When we want to know what happened in the world, what（what 没错感觉改成the only thing 更好点） we need to do is to sit down watching the television. It is very comfortable, and timesaving。Thus ，the number of people who are willing to watch television instead of reading newspaper is increasing sharply.  （电视更舒适和方便挺好的）

To sum up, I cannot agree that newspapers can truly help people to understand world events, while television cannot. In my view of point that television is a more effective means of providing information
总结段落总结我怕最后忘了就写在每段后了~感觉小错挺多~但是不影响阅读~结构没问题~论证也挺好~但是语言水平不高~考试如果小作文是fair 应该能得到20-22分的总体作文~大作文fair~个人意见


[ 本帖最后由 transformers 于 2008-12-7 02:27 编辑 ]

transformersUID: 2307599

很多红的发出来就黑的了～编辑了还是那样～我再研究研究～～
btw建议lz可以学习下面那个文章～中间两段主题和lz一样～但是读起来就不一样～主要感觉我们可以学习下面那个文章的连词～有了连词才有逻辑～我也是逻辑很弱～一个大侠说汉语思维就是跳跃的～下面那个基本就是范文了～
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=899744&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1772138393

aphasiafifiUID: 2475704

居然把我的文章当范文了……瀑布汗的飘过……

aphasiafifiUID: 2475704

Both newspapers and television are means of informing us the newly happened events in the world. Although a large proportion of people think that only newspaper can truly help people understand world events, I cannot agree with them. On the contrary, I hold the contention that compared/comparing with the traditional media-我也不是很确定dash的用法，保险起见咱还是不要用了吧……newspapers, television provides information more lively/vivid, effectively and acceptable. （More后面当然是形容词啦）

To begin with，information presented on television is so vivid that people can understand it easily. There is no doubt that newspapers can provide us with the specific information in the long paragraphs（这个其实没必要说）, but it never gives us picture and images in detail（人家可以贴照片嘛……）. Sometimes, we read newspaper to form an outline about what's the events are/is（因为你已经加了the,所以应该特殊指代某个例子了）really like. However, we cannot really have a deep understanding about them. （连接词的逻辑问题，我建议换成because it is hard for us to understand deeply since there are so many specific terms involve in the report）As the famous saying goes "to see is to believe/seeing is believing ", if we do not watch the event on the present, how can we believe or understand the events? A research once conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Science three months ago, which showed that over 90% people tend to watch television for information nowadays. From it we can see in terms of providing lively information, television is really “superior” to newspaper.

Additionally, the speed of information reach to audients is more quickly in television than that of newspaper. As we know, to publish a newspaper need a lot of effort and the process is very complex. So(so,and都不是用来开头的词) we can easily notice the factor that when the news is edited to publish on a newspaper, it has already reported on the television.（….这个我保留意见） Furthermore, newspapers are not available at any time when the event happens. However, television cannot provide us with the information in time.（重复上文意思了） From this perspective, I prefer to watch television for information rather than newspapers.

Moreover, to turn to（不理解这个用法） televisions for recently news are/is more convenient and comfortable. If we have a set of (!!) television at home, it is not necessary to go out to the store to purchase a newspaper. When we want to know what happened in the world, what we need to do is to sit down watching the television. It is very comfortable, and timesaving, thus the number of people who are willing to watch television instead of reading newspaper is increasing sharply.

To sum up, I cannot agree that newspapers can truly help people understand world events, while television cannot. In my view of point/point of view that television is a more effective means of providing information

1.       lz语法很有长进。要再细致一些。词性问题和主谓一致问题。
2.       逻辑连贯的问题