issue130 大家看看，希望有砖头的就直接砸过来，感激

jeffu-uh-ohUID: 205335

为了应付今天的作业，所以先贴上来。很乱。明天可能再organize 以下~~
（个人觉得130题目很好，所以专门拿来练习咯）

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Our children are our future, and the leadership of tomorrow. So how children are socialized determines the destiny of society. However I fundamentally disagree with the speaker’s claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children. Because, though in some aspect our society fails to present a good environment for our children’s growth, like the resisting gender stereotypes inhibiting the children’s potential, it cannot overshadow the positive facts that we are more aware of the children’s future and doing our best to raise children. Our government invests so many dollars on education every year, and our communities and families are creating a good environment for children’s growth.

In our society, boys are often encouraged to play with fire trucks and train, and girls are always told they should play with dolls and stuffed animal. All the advertisements in magazines and television shows show that the blue baby clothes are for boys, and the pink baby clothes are for girls. Our children are surrounded by messages that children should do what they are expected to do, and only do the special thing, they would do well. This gender stereotyping is unhealthy to our future. Basically, the gender stereotypes are from family, and reinforced by television shows, advertisements, and books.

The gender stereotypes are destructive because they limit the children’s potential. For example, a boy who wants to be a dancer is often teased by his friends and stopped by his family. This idea definitely represses the growth of the child. This boy may do have the talent on dance. However, we don’t give him the chance to practice. Even more, we teased him, and stopped him. And our society has long been plagued by the specters of stereotypes. This sort of gender stereotyping is not healthy for the future of the society. It kind of creates a gender bias in our society, and contributes to the inequality between male and female. It suppresses the female contributions to social development. For example, a girl is generally expected to enjoy cooking, so women are often restrained to kitchen.

On top of that gender stereotypes have negative influence on children and our society, the paralyzed family have the bad impact too. Family is a little society, and the structures of family are different. How children are growing in a particular family determines the children future. If a child lives in a family where parents have the ideas of sexism or racism, the child would be developed to have biased attitude toward female or other races later. If a child is adopted, he/she would be upset when people asked who his/her “real” mom was. Or some children may live in families that have two moms or two dads, a single parent, or a guardian.

Furthermore, socialization is not just about being in the company of people the same age such as friends and classmates, or in the company of parents, grandparents. Children are socialized by being around all ages and different people each day, and socialized when they are dealing with any people. So what kind of people children are dealing with every day will somewhat have influence on their growth.

As it comes to the second part of the speaker’s dual claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, I have to say the speaker lacks the close examination into the facts, and therefore doesn’t have defensible stand to support him. As the society develops so fast nowadays, people are more and more aware of the children’s future. Every year, our government invests many dollars on education. It passes many laws to improve the school condition, such as library, laboratory equipment, etc. Our society too creates a good environment for their growth, and protects their future. And each parent dedicates much time on instilling knowledge and the living technique to them every day, besides they pay money to get them educated, and a bright future.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-2 at 00:15 ]

zmmaryUID: 2105117

本想就改的，不过看样子还是先说几句，等你明天改过之后我再详细改吧。原因，就不说了。。。。呵呵
一开始看到你的这个觉得不错啊，表态表得不错，例子也较确切。
再往下看就越来越感到有点不对劲了，咋尽说负面的，你不是本应说正面的，只到最后才看到正面的东西，那晕啊。你是不是有写着写着忘了自己原来要写什么的毛病啊。嘻嘻。。。。。要是这样的话，先打提纲再写啊。
让步的东西尽量简量明了，主题要突出的啊。。。
关键要表清自己的想法，你可能会同时想到很多东西，要会“舍”。虽然我在这方面也不咋的。
Furthermore那一段说了跟没说好像没什么两样。。。。
其实倒可以把它弄到开头来，或者干脆充实起来。。。。
看到你的最后一段忽然感觉你是想把那个问题分成两部分来说的吗？那上面的例子分析忽然感觉有些不对劲了，那样应该是说How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society，而事实上好像全是用来说负面影响的，这个。。。。你到底是什么意思啊？。。。。。
结尾是没来得急写吗？不要告诉我你下面才会转入正题。。。。嘻嘻。。
就先说这些啦。

jeffu-uh-ohUID: 205335

修改后的：

The speaker claims that the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today, however, we haven’t yet learned to raise children who can help bring about a better society. Our children are our future, and the leadership of society. I agree that how children are socialized will determine the destiny of society. As for the second prong of this dual claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children, however, I don’t concur with it at all. Because our government and society are making great effort to create a good environment for their growth and protect their future

How children are socialized correlates with the future of our society. Nowadays, our society is still plagued by the specters of gender stereotypes. Boys are still encouraged to like sports and play with fire trucks, and girls are always told they should play with dolls and stuffed animal. All the advertisements in magazines and television shows set a clear boundary that the blue baby clothes are for boys, and the pink baby clothes are for girls. Our children are surrounded by messages that children should do what they are expected to do. Basically, these gender stereotypes are from family, and reinforced by television shows, advertisements, and books. Unfortunately, they are unhealthy for the future of our society. They are destructive because they limit the children’s potential. For example, a boy who wants to be a dancer is often teased by his friends and stopped by his family. It represses the growth of the child. This boy may do have the talent on dancing. However, we don’t give him the chance to practice. Even more, we teased him, and stopped him. Meanwhile, the gender stereotypes create a gender bias in our society, and contribute to the inequality between male and female. They suppress the female contributions to social development. For example, a girl is generally expected to enjoy cooking, so women are often restrained to kitchen. It confirms the belief that men should do the things special to the male and women should do the things special to the female, and only in concord with that they will do well.

Furthermore, paralyzed families have negative influence on children and our society too. If a child lives in a family where parents have the ideas of sexism or racism, the child would be developed into having biased attitude toward female or other races later. And different structures of family have different impact on children’s growth. For example, some children may live in families that have two moms or two dads, and some children may live in families that have a single parent, gay parents. If a child is adopted, he/she would be upset when people asked who his/her “real” mom was.

As it comes to the second prong of the claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, I have to say the speaker lacks the close examination into the facts, and therefore doesn’t have defensible stand to support him. As the society develops so fast nowadays, people are more and more aware of the children’s future. Every year, our government invests many dollars on education. It passes many laws to improve the school condition, such as library, laboratory equipment, etc, protect children’s interests and rights, and ensure their healthy growth. Our society, too, creates a good environment for their growth, and lights their future. And each parent dedicates much time on instilling knowledge and the living technique to them every day, and besides, parents pay money to get them educated, and guarantee them a bright future.

In sum, since children are our future, how they are cultivated and how they are socialized determine the future of our society. However, we do invest much time and money in improving their education, in helping them healthily growth, and in ensuring they will have a bright future.

zmmaryUID: 2105117

看到了,就来改

zmmaryUID: 2105117

The speaker claims that the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today, however, we haven’t yet learned to raise children who can help bring about a better society.这句话最好改一下，给人抄题的感觉，ETS不喜欢Our children are our future, and the leadership of society.这句话有被吊死的嫌疑，哪都不靠，联系上来 I agree that how children are socialized will determine the destiny of society. As for the second prong of this dual claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children, however, I don’t concur with it at all. Because our government and society are making great effort to create a good environment for their growth and protect their future

How children are socialized correlates with the future of our society. Nowadays, our society is still plagued by the specters of gender stereotypes. Boys are still encouraged to like sports and play with fire trucks, and girls are always told they should play with dolls and stuffed animal. All the advertisements in magazines and television shows set a clear boundary that the blue baby clothes are for boys, and the pink baby clothes are for girls. Our children are surrounded by messages that children should do what they are expected to do. Basically, these gender stereotypes are from family, and reinforced by television shows, advertisements, and books. Unfortunately, they are unhealthy for the future of our society. They are destructive because they limit the children’s potential. For example, a boy who wants to be a dancer is often teased by his friends and stopped by his family. It represses the growth of the child. This boy may do have the talent on dancing. However, we don’t give him the chance to practice. Even more, we teased him, and stopped him. Meanwhile, the gender stereotypes create a gender bias in our society, and contribute to the inequality between male and female. They suppress the female contributions to social development. For example, a girl is generally expected to enjoy cooking, so women are often restrained to kitchen. It confirms the belief that men should do the things special to the male and women should do the things special to the female, and only in concord with that they will do well.

Furthermore, paralyzed families have negative influence on children and our society too. If a child lives in a family where parents have the ideas of sexism or racism, the child would be developed into having biased attitude toward female or other races later. And different structures of family have different impact on children’s growth. For example, some children may live in families that have two moms or two dads, and some children may live in families that have a single parent, gay parents. If a child is adopted, he/she would be upset when people asked who his/her “real” mom was.你的内容原来没换啊， 还是那些东东。这些，只能说社会给children的负面影响，你指出了它们如何影响society的destiny的了吗？

As it comes to the second prong of the claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, I have to say the speaker lacks the close examination into the facts, and therefore doesn’t have defensible stand to support him. As the society develops so fast nowadays, people are more and more aware of the children’s future. Every year, our government invests many dollars on education. It passes many laws to improve the school condition, such as library, laboratory equipment, etc, protect children’s interests and rights, and ensure their healthy growth. Our society, too, creates a good environment for their growth, and lights their future. And each parent dedicates much time on instilling knowledge and the living technique to them every day, and besides, parents pay money to get them educated, and guarantee them a bright future.这个部分，也没有指出怎样到better society的啊

In sum, since children are our future, how they are cultivated and how they are socialized determine the future of our society. However, we do invest much time and money in improving their education, in helping them healthily growth, and in ensuring they will have a bright future.

呵呵，夸张一点说，这是你issue中文笔最好的，切题最烂的
不过这个就是不好写，我写的时候死机了
感觉也没啥好说了，上面都说了

小玩UID: 2111777

实际上我是看完全文写的总体意见，但是把每一段的意见插在你的原文后面，^_^

The speaker claims that the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today, however, we haven’t yet learned to raise children who can help bring about a better society. Our children are our future, and the leadership of society. I agree that how children are socialized will determine the destiny of society. As for the second prong of this dual claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children, however, I don’t concur with it at all. Because our government and society are making great effort to create a good environment for their growth and protect their future

How children are socialized correlates with the future of our society. Nowadays, our society is still plagued by the specters of gender stereotypes. Boys are still encouraged to like sports and play with fire trucks, and girls are always told they should play with dolls and stuffed animal. All the advertisements in magazines and television shows set a clear boundary that the blue baby clothes are for boys, and the pink baby clothes are for girls. Our children are surrounded by messages that children should do what they are expected to do. Basically, these gender stereotypes are from family, and reinforced by television shows, advertisements, and books. Unfortunately, they are unhealthy for the future of our society. They are destructive because they limit the children’s potential. For example, a boy who wants to be a dancer is often teased by his friends and stopped by his family. It represses the growth of the child. This boy may do have the talent on dancing. However, we don’t give him the chance to practice. Even more, we teased him, and stopped him. Meanwhile, the gender stereotypes create a gender bias in our society, and contribute to the inequality between male and female. They suppress the female contributions to social development. For example, a girl is generally expected to enjoy cooking, so women are often restrained to kitchen. It confirms the belief that men should do the things special to the male and women should do the things special to the female, and only in concord with that they will do well.
B1 作为支持题目前半部分的主打段，写的不好。从观点看不好。socialize究竟是什么，我觉得还是有个给我改的同学说的比较全面，一个是与人相处的能力、一个是社会责任感。可以参考借鉴。而你的那个观点似乎总和socialization以及determine future扯不上关系，或者说，关系不明显。考虑到你的下一段，这一段最好写socialize是干吗的。再稍微提及一点与决定社会命运的东西。

Furthermore, paralyzed families have negative influence on children and our society too. If a child lives in a family where parents have the ideas of sexism or racism, the child would be developed into having biased attitude toward female or other races later. And different structures of family have different impact on children’s growth. For example, some children may live in families that have two moms or two dads, and some children may live in families that have a single parent, gay parents. If a child is adopted, he/she would be upset when people asked who his/her “real” mom was.
B2 我觉得你的大体思路可以不变，但内容一定要换，让它切题，让它为观点服务。比如，socialize不就是教人与人相处，打交道什么的吗？你就可以说，如果不有意识的培养小孩子这方面的能力，他们长大后可能会怎么怎么样。然后举个生活在单亲家庭里的小孩子的例子来说一下。这段从反面来说。

As it comes to the second prong of the claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, I have to say the speaker lacks the close examination into the facts, and therefore doesn’t have defensible stand to support him. As the society develops so fast nowadays, people are more and more aware of the children’s future. Every year, our government invests many dollars on education. It passes many laws to improve the school condition, such as library, laboratory equipment, etc, protect children’s interests and rights, and ensure their healthy growth. Our society, too, creates a good environment for their growth, and lights their future. And each parent dedicates much time on instilling knowledge and the living technique to them every day, and besides, parents pay money to get them educated, and guarantee them a bright future.
B3 作为反驳题目后半部分的段落，写的空话套话太多。一个问题：  不 具 体 ！虽然说你提及了政府投资、立法、社区和家长的因素，但是这些都太抽象，太不具体了。我觉得在此基础之上，你能够抓住一点，举个例子，把小孩子的socialization 和 better society 联系起来，反驳就更有力度，更有说服力。

In sum, since children are our future, how they are cultivated and how they are socialized determine the future of our society. However, we do invest much time and money in improving their education, in helping them healthily growth, and in ensuring they will have a bright future.

总的来说，同意zmmary JJ 说的，觉得内容偏了，至少不能够让人一眼看出你的观点和题目之间的关系，这样子不好的，哪怕语言再好也是白搭啊~~AW毕竟把逻辑放在第一位的。zmmary JJ 说得对，写文章之前要写好提纲，要先想好自己从哪几方面入手，在这个过程中就是要会“取舍”，要不“分析透彻”只能是做做梦了，呵呵。

互改就是有好处，如果自己一个人看的话，怎么看都觉得是对了的；但是一拿给别人看，多多问题就出来了，也只有这样才能够进步。

jeffu-uh-oh GG，我知道这是你花了很多时间和心血，写了又写改了又改的成果，辛苦了。虽然我们俩说话是“狠”了一点，但不要介意哈，有时间大家讨论一下这个题目，争取把题目理解得最透彻，加油哦~~！！

jeffu-uh-ohUID: 205335

你们不要再讲狠不狠了。你们不狠，哪有我的进步？！呵呵~~讨论的时候就不要顾情面啦~~~。

首先，对我自己的文章的评价：
1，        同意和不同意严重失衡。
文章花很多墨水在同意“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society”，然而对“e have not yet learned how to raise children”却只写了一段，没有用上具体例子。
2， 前后的同意与后面的不同意的实例严重自相矛盾。

其次，澄清以下我的思路：
1，        同意“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society”
“Boys are still encouraged to like sports and play with fire trucks, and girls are always told they should play with dolls and stuffed animal.” 以及“pink is for girl; blue is boy” 就是典型的gender stereotypes.
这样的socialization 对社会将来的影响是unhealthy.
例子：（1）For example, a boy who wants to be a dancer is often teased by his friends and stopped by his family. It represses the growth of the child； （2）For example, girls are generally expected to enjoy cooking, so women are often restrained to kitchen.
---- 这样的socialization 负面地determines 社会的将来
2, 继续同意“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society”
Paralyzed families have negative influence on children and our society too. 继续说明不健康的socialization负面determines 社会的将来：例子：（1）If a child lives in a family where parents have the ideas of sexism or racism, the child would be developed into having biased attitude toward female or other races later.。 （2）For example, some children may live in families that have two moms or two dads, and some children may live in families that have a single parent, gay parents. If a child is adopted, he/she would be upset when people asked who his/her “real” mom was.
《注： 我在这里犯了极大的错误。用不健康的socialization负面determines 社会的将来，好象在告诉大家：we have not yet learned how to raise children。 这个和后面不同意这个观点（即we are doing well in raising children 形成了矛盾》
3. 不同意 ” we have not yet learned how to raise children“。
败笔：除了上面指出的大错误外，还有，就是只用一段来说明，而且也只是笼统的说明。原因是上面花了太多墨水，所以下面不敢在扩展了。（写这样有着双重观点的文章，可能有内容可写。但是也不好把握）。

重大问题还是存在的！感谢zmmry 和 小玩 MM大力支持和认真修改，感谢寄托，感谢CCTV， 我还将继续修改。