Issue136 总算赶上啦^^ 恳请大家给我意见！

amostimeUID: 2117906

------摘要------
作者：even     共用时间：43分36秒     490 words
从2005年6月22日23时34分到2005年6月23日0时43分
------题目------
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.
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Everyone makes choices in the course of his life. In most of the cases, there are always options. Instead of lacking choices, we are overwhelmed by a variety of different things and ways of doing things. Some might argue that there exist tough times when we really have no other ways but to make do with the only option we have. However, hard as it may seem, there are always alternatives. Let's take a look at several situations that are generally believed to be harsh and with no or few choices.

Let's start with the education system in China. As we all know, when Chinese universities enroll new students, they mainly make their judgment on students' score in the national university entrance exam. Students that have inferior academic excellency might feel that they are forced to forge their way up only through studying hard. However, there are actually alternatives. Each year, Chinese universities have quotas for students that are talented in art, sports or other fields granted by the Chinese Education Bureau.  In addition, even if the student do not excel in any specialized field, and did not get qualified through entrance exams, he still have other options if he wants to continue his studies. He might apply for universities overseas or even, learn by himself. It is because these options are not so common and students might not be prepared for the hardship it entails that they do not take them as alternatives.

The job market is another typical example. With the increasing competition, many people find it hard to find a job. However, when they mention job, they refer to the kind of position that they are competent and capable for, with a reasonable workload and desirable pay. There are in fact many job vacancies in the job market, but they are taken as either too hard or not attractive enough. We should bear in mind that not all options come easy without any challenge. For some, we have to sacrifice or even suffer. They might lead us somewhere promising, but few are willing to give it a try.

The same could also be found in a relation. Some not-so-nice-looking girls worry that they are disadvantaged and will have little chance of finding their Mr. Right.  The fact that there are mans that can't find wife, therefore, is not because of the absence of choices. But rather, it results from a presumption that only regards good-looking and tender girls as potential options.

To conclude, there are many choices around us, it is just because we can not see them or choose not to see them. So, open up your heart and be willing to give these choices a try. Hardship or disadvantages should not be the reason that we turn now any choice. It is hardship or temporary disadvantages that make us more mature and prepare us for a golden opportunity that is waiting ahead.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-23 at 00:16 ]

amostimeUID: 2117906

修锐说抽象的题目可以用以偏概全的写法，就是选定自己的论点后找几个实际的方面支持。很疑惑，虽然这样可以大大缩短构思时间，总觉得论证不甚完整。

继续等待中，
希望有人来拍我

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

马上。

The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.
------正文------
Everyone makes choices in the course of his life. In most of the casesin most cases, there are always options. 感觉句子有些断，可以改成there are always options in most cases.Instead of lacking choices, we are overwhelmed by a variety of different things and ways of doing things. Some might argue that there exist tough times when we really have no other ways but to make domake do??? with the only option we have. However, hard as it may seem, there are always alternatives.这句话和第二句是什么关系？好像先说了大多数情况有选择，然后说有人认为没有，然后又说总是有选择的？建议删掉第二句，再将本句提前 Let's take a look at several situations that are generally believed to be harsh and with no or few choices.

Let's接连两个let’s在语言上似乎缺乏变化。 start with the education system in China. As we all know美国考官没几个知道吧？well known就行了。, when Chinese universities enroll new students, they mainly make their judgment on on?似乎不妥，based on？students' score in the national university entrance exam【记得当年总说NMET，一直不知道是哪几个词】. Students thatwho? have inferior academic excellency might feel that they are forced to forge their way up only through studying hard. However, there are actually alternatives. Each year, Chinese universities have quotas for students that are talented in art, sports or other fields granted by the Chinese Education Bureaudepartment of education.教育部.  In addition, even if the studenta student do esnot excel in any specialized field, and did not get qualifiedget qualified?? through entrance exams, he still have other options if he wants to continue his studies. He might apply for universities overseas ft，让人看了觉得中国国内教育质量真高！不过这里无所谓了or even, learn by himself. It is because these options are not so common and students might not be prepared for the hardship it entails delete.that they do not take them as alternatives.这一段的论述似乎不是很清楚,见最后一段

The job market is another typical example. With the increasing competition, many people find it hard to find a job. However, when they mention job, they refer to the kind of position that they are competent and capable for, with a reasonable workload and desirable pay. There are in fact many job vacancies in the job market, but they are taken as either too hard or not attractive enough.这句整合一下。Many job vacancies, in fact, can be found in the job market, though being regarded as either….. We should bear in mind that not all options come easy without any challenge. For some, we have to sacrifice or even suffer. They might lead us somewhere promising, but few are willing to give it a try.这个例子比较容易引起共鸣

The same could also be found in a relation. Some not-so-nice-looking girls worry that they are disadvantaged and will have little chance of finding their Mr. Right.  The fact that there are mans?????????men that can'tcannot find wife, therefore, is not because of the absence of choices. But rather, it results from a presumption that only regards good-looking and tender girls as potential options. 理上说的过去，但放在这里怎么想怎么觉得别扭。。。

To conclude, there are many choices around us, it is just because we can not see them我觉得关于上大学的那一段在这种意义上比较有说服力，但那一段似乎没有着力论述他们没有看到这些选择，而更多的是在说他们其实是有许多选择的。我觉得可以加上从小父母、老师怎么威吓他们不上大学就没出路。。。 or choose not to see them. So, open up your heart这种文体似乎在托福上没问题，但在研究生入学考试的层次上尽量避免。比如可以换成客观一些的：those who complain about lacking choices should open up? their heart…. and be willing to give these choices a try. Hardship or disadvantages should not be the reason that we turn now down?any choice. It is hardship or temporary disadvantages that makes us more mature and prepare us for a golden opportunity that is waiting ahead.

我感觉文章语言比较干净，看了好多作文语法错误一大堆。。。但个别地方可以考虑修饰一下句子，否则我感觉句式比较单调，不太学术化。而这是现在可以去练的。加油！

[ Last edited by tangjihede on 2005-7-24 at 23:38 ]

tangjihedeUID: 2107695

关于结构的问题，我觉得如果不是实在没办法的话，还是不要以偏概全，最好在逻辑上周密一些，毕竟是研究生的考试，内容是很重要的。现在可以多想想，练习扩宽自己的思路。

amostimeUID: 2117906

谢谢指教！
发现了自己很多不足和需要改进的地方。我会继续努力的！