issue154 G-89-互助社-10日同主题写作

vico8478UID: 2120997

Issue154  第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分14秒     572 words
从2005年7月10日15时11分到2005年7月10日15时43分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
When it comes to this issue, different people may have different opinions. As far as I am concerned due to my own observation of life, I basically agree with what the speaker says. Besides, I think, schools should take the chief responsibility in educating and should be intermingled with the power of parents and communities.

First of all, schools have a unique function in educating. In the following discussion, I would like to present my point of view in three aspects. Firstly, students could receive a systematic knowledge in schools. From the primary school to the middle school, then to the university, students could learn step by step and don't need to worry what to learn next. Professional educators would have arranged all the programs that the students have to learn. Further, schools make a better environment for academic interaction. Students here can communicate with others and can ask the teacher or other students what they have not understood yet. Such environment could help students manage the knowledge easier and faster. Finally, professional educators have abundant experience in educating, they could ceaselessly assimilate the experience from the former teaching and managing process. Thus schools would handle the problems among the students more easily or appropriately.

However, parents and communities are also crucial in educating the children. On the one hand, students could learn a lot from their parents which could not be learned from their teachers. The behavior of the parents set a great influence on the students even when they are young and haven’t gone to school. For example, some parents like to gamble and often play such games with their so-called friends at home. Nevertheless, if such behaviors would be watched by their children for several times, their children would think gamble is good and thus would imitate their parents. Sometimes, parents are too busy in working to take care of their children. As a result, their children would often go to the internet bars or play outside with some bad boys or even using drugs. Hence, parents have to take part in educating the students.

On the other hand, communities must be involved in the local schools as well. Because keeping in touch with the communities provide the students abilities to know the society. Some students spend nearly all their time studying except sleeping and having meals. They are take so much time in textbooks that they are not able to communicate with other or are very weak in handling problems appeared in daily life. For example, a boy living next to my home is very intelligent and good in studying. He got A in nearly all his programs. However, he is shy and dare not speak to others. Only through reading books could he find interests. In my opinion, the students like him would not become the elites of the society in the future. So keeping in touch with the communities is very important in molding a perfect man.

In the final analysis, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any one of them, we may comfortably arrive at the conclusion that schools, parents and communities are three indispensable parts in educating a perfect student. These three parts should be combined organically as a whole and should supplement to each other. Only in this way could these three parts maximize their power in educating.

PEGGYUID: 2102778

占个座!!

PEGGYUID: 2102778

issue154 G-89-互助社-10日同主题写作

Issue154  第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分14秒     572 words
从2005年7月10日15时11分到2005年7月10日15时43分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
When it comes to this issue, different people may have different opinions. As far as I am concerned due to my own observation of life, I basically agree with what the speaker says. Besides, I think, schools should take the chief responsibility in educating and should be intermingled with the power of parents and communities.

First of all, schools have a unique function in educating. In the following discussion, I would like to present my point of view in three aspects. Firstly, students could receive a systematic knowledge in schools. From the primary school to the middle school, then to the university, students could learn step by step and don't need to worry what to learn next.(这里容易让人产生误解吧？细细想想能理解楼主的意思，但总觉得有点绝对和楼主的主观感情放在里面，毕竟不是每个人都是担心自己下一步该学什么。而且学校对人的系统的教育至少应该提一下教授知识的全面性和合理性吧， 对学生来说在学校里能学到上至天文下至地理，横贯古今，文化的，科学的……想想我们在学校里还真学了不少) Professional educators would have arranged all the programs that the students have to learn. Further, schools make a better environment for academic interaction. Students here can communicate with others and can ask the teacher or other students what they have not understood yet. Such environment could help students manage the knowledge easier and faster. Finally, professional educators have abundant experience in educating, they could ceaselessly assimilate the experience from the former teaching and managing process. Thus schools would handle the problems among the students more easily or appropriately.

However, parents and communities are also crucial in educating the children. On the one hand, students could learn a lot from their parents which could not be learned from their teachers. The behavior of the parents set a great influence（set an example for感觉要好些） on the students even（有递进吗？） when they are young and haven’t gone to school. For example, some parents like to gamble and often play such games with their so-called friends at home. Nevertheless, if such behaviors would（条件句不用加这个吧！） be watched by their children for several times, their children would think gamble is good（建议用not so bad ） and thus would imitate their parents. （用个承接词吧，跟前面的举例不是一个目的：influence children 吧）Sometimes, parents are too busy in working to take care of their children. As a result, their children would often go to the internet bars or play outside with some bad boys or even using drugs. Hence, parents have to take part in educating the students.

On the other hand, communities must be involved in the local schools as well. Because keeping in touch with the communities provide the students abilities to know the society. Some students spend nearly all their time studying except sleeping and having meals. They are take so much time in textbooks that they are not able to communicate with other(s) or are very weak in handling problems appeared in daily life. For example, a boy living next to my home is very intelligent and good in studying. He got A in nearly all his programs. However, he is shy and dare not speak to others. Only through reading books could he find interests. In my opinion, the students like him would not become the elites of the society in the future. So keeping in touch with the communities is very important in molding a perfect man.(这个例子不是很好，你并不知道他将来会怎样)

In the final analysis, due to the above mentioned reasons, which（which 指代的是什么？这个从句太复杂了，建议分为两句写） sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any one of them, we may comfortably arrive at the conclusion that schools, parents and communities are three indispensable parts in educating a perfect student. These three parts should be combined organically as a whole and should supplement to each other. Only in this way could these three parts maximize their power in educating.
整体感觉字数很多，分析的大框架也很清楚，就是细节上还需改善，可以讨论得更深入一些。
我指出来的逻辑错误，楼主不必放在心上，ETS也说明了其要求是允许有逻辑错误的，只要表明自己观点就可，我指出来是想楼主可以思考一下，把文章写得更加深入。

楼主加油:victory:
限时能写成这样真很不错,传授传授准备经验吧:)