Issue150 "决战830拍砖组" 8月19日作业，限时，请大家指教！

nanziUID: 2126362

写得匆匆忙忙的，
已改过拼写错误，要是能多留一些时间检查就好了。。。
好了，不多说了，欢迎狠批，回改！


Issue150  第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分3秒     441 words
从2005年7月19日11时1分到2005年7月19日11时45分
------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
In this rapid era of development, technology and technique greatly flux into and influence people's own daily life. Among which, televisions and worldwide computer connections offer us convenient service to be familiar with a great many places through vivid pictures, literacy or even video materials. Someone then claimed, the tourism will soon become obsolete confronting the challenge of these cotemporary techniques include television and worldwide computer connections. I tend to disagree with the foregoing asserts, as discussed below.

First of all, I concede that televisions and internet connections in some extent establish a challenge position against tourism. Through television and internet connections, the worlds are combined and condensed into a global village, which facilitates people to be familiar with the activities and daily routine in other places. Consider, how the e-mail services accelerate people's communication any where in the world, and almost all kinds of information are available just by typing the words into surveying box of Google web site. Therefore, compared to conventional tourism, nowadays techniques enables individuals get information in other places far more effectively, conventional tourism are confronting an inevitably challenge of televisions and internet connections.

However, tourism will never be abandoned by our time because of the instinct characteristics which cannot be displaced by any contemporary techniques such as television and internet connections. Although the mundane world are influenced largely and profoundly by constant communication access through televisions and internet, a whole comprehension of any places including an exact exploration of geography, history, and conventions inferred from intrinsic spiritual world of the specific  society can never be gained merely by browse on televisions and internet web cites. Televisions and internet, in most cases, only provide a superficial and basic introduction of a certain place, and a comprehensive sight of a place need a real exploration of it. As a result, the function of conventional tourism still plays a significant and dominated role in getting familiar with other places in the world, though not the only access any more.

The last but not least, the two different methods of conventional tourism and television&internet usually intertwine together to form or assure a success process in communication with or get information regarding other places. Consider, for example, one tourist may achieve an elementary thinking through the internet about a place, then a real exploration of the place may begin. Television and internet somewhat boosted conventional tourism by stimulating the tourists' interest about one idealistic and previously unknown places.

In sum, tourism will never become obsolete facing the development of television and internet. In most cases, it would remain its dominating and significant role in getting more familiar with other places.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-19 at 13:55 ]

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
In this rapid era of development(rapid 是修饰Development的，要放它前面吧), technology and technique greatly flux into and influence people's own daily life. Among which, televisions and worldwide computer connections offer us convenient service to be familiar with a great many places through vivid pictures, literacy or even video materials. Someone then claimed, （用That不加，）the tourism will soon become obsolete confronting the challenge of these cotemporary techniques include television and worldwide computer connections. I tend to disagree with the foregoing asserts, as discussed below.（开头不错，特别是最后一句，感觉很好）
First of all, I concede that televisions and internet connections in some extent establish a challenge position against tourism. Through television and internet connections, the worlds are combined and condensed into a global village（妙）, which facilitates people to be familiar with the activities and daily routine in other places. Consider, how the e-mail services accelerate people's communication any where in the world, and almost all kinds of information are available just by typing the words into surveying box of Google web site. Therefore, compared to conventional tourism, nowadays techniques enables individuals get information in other places far more effectively, conventional tourism are confronting an inevitably challenge of televisions and internet connections.（Google用的好啊！不过TV没说哦）

However, tourism will never be abandoned by our time because of the instinct characteristics which cannot be displaced by any contemporary techniques such as television and internet connections. Although the mundane world are influenced largely and profoundly by constant communication access through televisions and internet, a whole comprehension of any places including an exact exploration of geography, history, and conventions inferred from intrinsic spiritual world of the specific  society can never be gained merely by browse on televisions and internet web cites. Televisions and internet, in most cases, only provide a superficial and basic introduction of a certain place, and a comprehensive sight of a（the） place needs a real exploration of it. As a result, the function of(可以去掉the function of, conventional好像也可以去，因为文中并没其它tourism) conventional tourism still plays a significant and dominated role in getting familiar with other places in the world, though not the only access any more.

The last but not least, the two different methods of conventional tourism and television&internet usually intertwine together to form or assure a success process in communication with or get information regarding other places(这or让我头晕，有点啰嗦). Consider, for example, one tourist may achieve an elementary thinking through the internet about a place, then a real exploration of the place may begin. Television and internet somewhat boosted conventional tourism by stimulating the tourists' interest about one idealistic and previously unknown places.

In sum, tourism will never become obsolete facing the development of television and internet. In most cases, it would remain its dominating and significant role in getting more familiar with other places.
文中感觉是半正半负，结尾是大正小负，有点矛盾。论证不错，思路清晰。不好的全在里面说了。

有空拍我

Issue154
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1753870

ytrUID: 164422

Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
In this rapid era of developmentrapid 不好，或放后面, technology and technique greatly flux into and influence people's own daily life. Among which, televisions and worldwide computer connections offer us convenient service to be familiar with a great many places through vivid pictures, literacy 这个词？or even video materials. Someone then claimed, As Someone then claimed the tourism will soon become obsolete confrontingin the face of the challenge of these cotemporary techniques includeing television and worldwide computer connections. I tend to disagree with the foregoing asserts, as discussed below.

First of all, I concede that televisions and internet connections in some extent establish a challenge position against tourism. Through television and internet connections, the worlds卫士么复数are combined and condensed into a global village, which facilitates people to be familiar with the activities and daily routineactivities 和 daily routine意思分别是事么 in other places. Consider, how the e-mail services accelerate people's communication any where in the world, anywhere and almost all kinds of information are available just by typing the words into surveying box of Google web site. Therefore, compared to conventional tourism, nowadays techniques enables individuals get information in other places far more effectively, effective感觉模糊conventional tourism are confronting an inevitably challenge of televisions and internet connections.

However, tourism will never be abandoned by our time 这句话好像有点问题because of the instinct characteristics which cannot be displaced by any contemporary techniques such as television and internet connections. Although the mundane world are？ influenced largely and profoundly by constant communication access through televisions and internet, a whole comprehension of any places including an exact exploration of geography, history, and conventions inferred from intrinsic spiritual world of the specific 这个词specific 事么意思 society can never be gained merely by browse on televisions and internet web cites. Televisions and internet, in most cases, only provide a superficial and basic introduction of a certain place, 不一定，电视的作用不可小视and a comprehensive sight of a（the） place needs a real exploration不如用experience of it. As a result, the function of conventional tourism still plays a significant and dominated role in getting familiar with other places in the world, though not the only access any more.说理好像不够充分

The ？last but not least, the two different methods of conventional tourism and television&internet usually intertwine 被动把together to form or assure a success？ process in communication with or get information regarding other places这句话要改改. Consider, for example, one tourist may achieve an elementary thinking through the internet about a place, then a real exploration of the place may beginfollow. 衔接词Television and internet somewhat boosted conventional tourism by stimulating the tourists' interest about one idealistic and previously unknown places.这段不够丰满

In sum, tourism will never become obsolete facing the development of television and internet. In most cases, it would remain its dominating and significant role in getting more familiar with other places.

欢迎拍我哦
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... mp;highlight=%2Bytr