ISSUE116 Global network 请大家猛拍，谢谢！~~

BerlinbearUID: 207694

Issue116
"With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society—including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences—will benefit greatly from international influences."

立场：（平衡观点）网络技术对于人类科技发展等众多产生了很大的促进作用，但同时也有负面影响；全球化的网络是社会发展的必然趋势，
1、        网络技术的迅速发展给科技、经济、教育等事业的发展带来了前所未有的便利和深远影响。
2、        但随之而来的还有许多负面影响，并产生了新的问题。比如青少年过度沉迷于网络，大量的文化传播对于民族性的影响等等。
3、        网络全球化是社会发展的必然，人类应积极扩大其优势，尽力剔除不利因素，使网络为人类的发展提供更大的帮助。

In the modern times, what influences our world most profoundly should be no doubt attribute to the emergence of internet technologies that promotes the globalization in almost all realms of the society, such as economics, mass media and education. On balance, however, along with the undisputable the significant impact brought by the development of global internet, the existing of the negative factors coming with internet should not be ignored.

It is commonly accepted that the internet has been transforming the globe significantly for the stake of the incomparable benefits from network. A large quantity fields in the world experience the sweeping influence of the naissance brought by the internet and it is widely acknowledged that one of the greatest impacted enterprises is education. For example, distance-learning, which leads to a revolution of education system, carries out with the growth of network technologies. Consider, a Korea friend of mine who is intend to take courses in an American university limited by the zone in the past, but some days ago he told me joyfully that he attended the school’s class just through a computer at home with the help of internet. Now, he could discuss problems about the subjects freely with American professors and his classmates from all different parts of the earth. via the net. So it is clear how fabulous the internet is. What is more, compared with the old days that only by writing letters could people who lived in the different cities or even countries keep touch with each other, currently, internet provides a variety of vehicles assisting individual connects another very convenient. One apt illustration about the point is MSN，a software which support people chatting, talking and ever screening if there is a camera with each other. Consequently, no one can denying the basic fact that the birth of internet has changed our world enormously and benefits numerous areas of human beings.

By contrast, not only does internet bring about the benefits and advantages, but a number of distinct negative efforts come with network. As an old saying goes, “All sword have two edges”, similarly, when it comes to the internet, there are also serious problems caused. Consider, it is no longer news when teenager addict to the internet games regardless of their studies and even health. For the reason that young persons are not mature enough to control themselves and they do not completely realize what plays a more important role in their life, they are very prone to be attracted by some interesting novelties in the internet and lost themselves eventually. In addition, shifting to the realm of international security, it is internet that creates an evil shit access especially for the terrorism. This is a matter of life and death – a matter no country can afford to ignore. Meanwhile, just because of the convenience of the internet, the financial crisis of the southeast Asia could spread extremely fast. Under this circumstance, no matter how preeminent the network is, it is not reasonable to neglect its severe negative impacts.

It is common sense that the internet and globalization of the world is the inevitable trends of the human society. As a result, human beings should spare no effort to maintain and explore the potential of the internet and try to conquer the adverse factors included in the network. Although it is an outstanding technological invention in the human being’s history, internet still just a instrument through which human being would achieve a more comfortable modern life. So whether internet has a positive or negative effort to the society may be depending on human behavior in a large degree.

superficialUID: 2151788

Issue116
"With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society—including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences—will benefit greatly from international influences."

立场：（平衡观点）网络技术对于人类科技发展等众多产生了很大的促进作用，但同时也有负面影响；全球化的网络是社会发展的必然趋势，
1、        网络技术的迅速发展给科技、经济、教育等事业的发展带来了前所未有的便利和深远影响。
2、        但随之而来的还有许多负面影响，并产生了新的问题。比如青少年过度沉迷于网络，大量的文化传播对于民族性的影响等等。
3、        网络全球化是社会发展的必然，人类应积极扩大其优势，尽力剔除不利因素，使网络为人类的发展提供更大的帮助。
[我曾经看过一篇文章，说是issue题目中的细节在文章中应该涉及到。在这道题目中，教育，政治，艺术和自然科学都属于题目的细节，你的文章中关于这些细节只写了教育，其它的方面并没有提及，这在判文章的时候可能就是缺陷了，要改进的话我觉得应该在第一段论述和第二段论述中以细节的形式去讨论网络带给他们的利弊。]

In the modern times, what influences our world most profoundly should be no doubt attribute to the emergence of internet technologies that promotes the globalization in almost all realms of the society, such as economics, mass media and education. On balance, however, along with the undisputable the significant impact brought by the development of global internet, the existing of the negative factors coming with internet should not be ignored.

It is commonly accepted that the internet has been transforming the globe significantly for the stake of the incomparable benefits from network. A large quantity fields in the world experience the sweeping influence of the naissance brought by the internet and it is widely acknowledged that one of the greatest impacted enterprises is education. For example, distance-learning, which leads to a revolution of education system, carries out with the growth of network technologies. Consider, a Korea friend of mine who is intend to take courses in an American university limited by the zone in the past, but some days ago he told me joyfully that he attended the school’s class just through a computer at home with the help of internet. Now, he could discuss problems about the subjects freely with American professors and his classmates from all different parts of the earth. via the net. So it is clear how fabulous the internet is. What is more, compared with the old days that only by writing letters could people who lived in the different cities or even countries keep touch with each other, currently, internet provides a variety of vehicles assisting individual connects another very convenient. One apt illustration about the point is MSN，a software which support people chatting, talking and ever screening if there is a camera with each other. Consequently, no one can denying[deny] the basic fact that the birth of internet has changed our world enormously and benefits numerous areas of human beings.

By contrast, not only does internet bring about the benefits and advantages, but a number of distinct negative efforts come with network. As an old saying goes, “All sword have two edges”, similarly, when it comes to the internet, there are also serious problems caused. Consider, it is no longer news when teenager addict to the internet games regardless of their studies and even health. For the reason that young persons are not mature enough to control themselves and they do not completely realize what plays a more important role in their life, they are very prone to be attracted by some interesting novelties in the internet and lost themselves eventually. In addition, shifting to the realm of international security, it is internet that creates an evil shit access especially for the terrorism. This is a matter of life and death – a matter no country can afford to ignore. Meanwhile, just because of the convenience of the internet, the financial crisis of the southeast Asia could spread extremely fast. Under this circumstance, no matter how preeminent the network is, it is not reasonable to neglect its severe negative impacts.

It is common sense that the internet and globalization of the world is the inevitable trends of the human society. As a result, human beings should spare no effort to maintain and explore the potential of the internet and try to conquer the adverse factors included in the network. Although it is an outstanding technological invention in the human being’s history, internet still just a instrument through which human being would achieve a more comfortable modern life. So whether internet has a positive or negative effort to the society may be depending on human behavior in a large degree.
[昨天和今天心情非常的不好，作业没交，yangxing的文章也没改，但是上来以后发现天使已经给改过了，真是太感激了。你的文章细节我也没仔细看，挺晚的了，先占个座吧]

[ Last edited by superficial on 2005-12-13 at 23:40 ]

BerlinbearUID: 207694

多谢superficial的意见啊！~~我真的一直没有注意到照顾题目中细节这一点...
以后一定注意了！~~~

superficialUID: 2151788

Originally posted by Berlinbear at 2005-12-13 23:43
多谢superficial的意见啊！~~我真的一直没有注意到照顾题目中细节这一点...
以后一定注意了！~~~

那篇文章找起来可能有点难度，我找了另一篇就是和issue116有关的，你先看看吧，可能会有帮助。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=125197

gtrandUID: 2156108

In the modern times, what influences our world most profoundly should be no doubt attribute to the emergence of internet technologies that promotes the globalization In modern times, the emergence of internet technologies has arguably brought the most fundamental change to our lives, promoting the growth of global networks in almost all realms of the society, such as economics, mass media and education. On balance, however, along with the undisputable the significant impact brought by the development of global internet, the existing of the negative factors coming with internet should not be ignored.While we marvel at the great convenience of the global networks and the benefits they beget, we should always remain vigilant for the concomitant adverse effects.原文significant impact指重大影响，包括正负两方面，因此不能与后面形成对比，况且用along with的状语从句也不合适。

＊＊It is commonly accepted that the internet has been transforming the globe significantly for the stake of the incomparable benefits from network.不通 A large quantity fields in the world experience the sweeping influence of the naissance 是不是用词有误？brought by the internet andit is widely acknowledged that one of the greatest impacted enterprises is education.＊＊Among the many fields transformed by the growing global networks, education is widely acknowledged as the one enjoying the most benefits.  For example, distance-learning, which leads to a revolution of education system, carries out with the growth of network technologies. long distance learning, a direct outgrowth of the internet technology, leads to a revolution in the education system.Consider, 删去，不然整个句子有语病，请仔细斟酌一下。a Korea(n) friend of mine who is intend (had intended) to take courses in an American university limited by the zone in the past,but his plan had been hindered by the time difference. l but some days ago he told me joyfully that he attended the school’s class just through a computer at home with the help of internet. Now, he could discuss problems about the subjects freely with American professors and his classmates from all different parts of the earth via the net. 这个例子很生动。 So it is clear how fabulous the internet is. 空洞的结论最好不用，有事实就够了。What is more, compared with the old days that whenonly by writing letters could people who lived in the different cities or even countries keep touch with each other, currently, internet provides a variety of vehicles assisting individual connects another very convenient facilitating communication.. One apt illustration about the point is MSN，a software which support people chatting, talking and ever screening if there is a camera with each other.(enables people to chat, talk instantly and even see each other on the internet.  Consequently, no one can denying deny the basic fact that the birth of internet has changed our world enormously and benefits numerous areas of human beings.

By contrast, not only does internet bring about the benefits and advantages, but a number of distinct negative efforts come with network. Just like a double-edged sword, the global networks carry negative factors at the same time they deliver benefits. As an old saying goes, “All sword have two edges”, similarly, when it comes to the internet, there are also serious problems caused. Consider, it is no longer news when teenager addict to the internet games regardless of their studies and even health. For the reason that young persons are not mature enough to control themselves and they do not completely realize what plays a more important role in their life, they are very prone to be attracted by some interesting novelties in the internet and lost themselves eventually. In addition, shifting to the realm of international security, it is internet that creates an evil shit access especially for the terrorism. This is a matter of life and death – a matter no country can afford to ignore. Meanwhile, just because of the convenience of the internet, the financial crisis of the southeast Asia could spread extremely fast. Under this circumstance, no matter how preeminent the network is, it is not reasonable to neglect its severe negative impacts.

It is common sense that the internet and globalization of the world is the inevitable trends of the human society. As a result, human beings should spare no effort to maintain and explore the potential of the internet and try to conquer the adverse factors included in the network. Although it is an outstanding technological invention in the human being’s history, internet still just a instrument through which human being would achieve a more comfortable modern life. So whether internet has a positive or negative effort to the society may be depending on human behavior in a large degree.


     时间关系，后面没有细改。感觉问题都说到了，有的地方论证也较充分。不过题目中指的“全球性网络"包括经济、科技、文化等各个方面的密切联系。这些都建立在因特网的基础上，但不等同于因特网，而更接近于全球化这个更加宽泛的概念。因此仅局限于因特网的利弊是否有点片面？请考虑。另外，一篇立论仅有两个论证的段落是不够的，至少还要有一段，比如说除了利和弊两个方面的话，是否还有如何兴利除弊的问题可以展开？

[ Last edited by gtrand on 2005-12-14 at 06:33 ]

BerlinbearUID: 207694

看过gtrand的修改深受启发，特别是关于文章思维的逻辑性和论证的严密性上的意见，这也是我一直感觉把握的很不好的地方。接下来的文章中会好好练习的。
多谢！！！~~