Issue177 ToHeart互改组，欢迎参观

dinddind2003UID: 196353

TOPIC：ISSUE 177 - "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."
WORDS：472          TIME：1:31:12          DATE：2006-1-20

It is true that the study of an academic discipline enlarges the world in our mind, and this extensive knowledge offers us another way to perceive the world, which leads to a different view of world from what we see before. Moreover, an academic discipline can also change the old ways we perceive the world which is in our mind.

On the one hand, as we study an academic discipline, we do not see the same world as before, instead, the world in our mind enlarges. When we are still children, we may only think the world is constituted by people, plants, the sun, the moon and so on, but after studying, we know that there are a lot of microorganisms we can not see as well as a lot of planets far away all of which make up this unlimited world. When we are young, we may only know the culture we live in, but after studying, we know that people in other parts of the world have a lot of interesting behaviors and unheard celebrations.

On the other hand, this extension we know of our knowledge about the world can be applied to help us perceive the world we know before, which helps us better understand it. The more information which is relevant about something we learn, the more likely we can be to understand it correctly and thoroughly. For example, after we know there are microorganism which we can not see, we can catch the reason why many diseases occur instead of making many unscientific assumptions; after we know there are many planets far away, we may get better comprehension about the location of the earth in the universe instead of the thought that the sun is the center; after we know there are many other interesting cultures besides ours, we may get better information about the origins of these nations instead of the thought that all people in the world develop from the same background.

Furthermore, the study of an academic discipline changes our old ways we understand the world into more scientific and effective ones, through which we can see the world that is in our mind with different eyes. For example, at first, we use classical mechanics to analyze the discipline every object keep, but after studying in the university, we try to research the same thing with quantum theory, which is much more suited than the former one; in childhood, we may put too much emphasis on the bad or good aspect of one thing, but through studying critical thinking, we can see the world much more comprehensively.

In sum, studying an academic not only enlarge the world we see as before, but also offers us a better way to perceive it.

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

It is true that the study of an academic discipline enlarges the world in our mind, and this extensive knowledge offers us another way to perceive the world, which leads to a different view of world from what we see before. Moreover, an academic discipline can also change the old ways we perceive the world which is(better delet) in our mind.

On the one hand, as we study an academic discipline, we do not see the same world as before, instead, the world in our mind enlarged (please use 过去分词 as 后置定语，world is enlarged by ....). When we are still children, we may only think the world is constituted by people, plants, the sun, the moon and so on, but after studying, we know that there are a lot of microorganisms we can not see as well as a lot of planets far away all of which make up this unlimited world (这样写不知道会不会更自然一点？ we know that there are a lot of invisible things which make up of this unlimited world, from as little/tiny as microorganisms to as huge as numerous planets) . When we are young, we may only know the culture we live in, but after studying ("study" is ok, as it can be nune here), we know that people in other parts of the world have a lot of interesting behaviors and unheard celebrations with different culture.(建议对应下)

On the other hand, this extension we know of our knowledge about the world can be applied to help us perceive the world we know before, which helps (better change another word... as help has been used twice) us better understand it. The more information which is relevant about something we learn, the more likely we can be to（delet） understand it correctly and thoroughly. For example, after we know there are microorganism which we can not see, we can catch the reason why many diseases occur instead of making many unscientific assumptions; after we know there are many planets far away, we may get better comprehension about the location of the earth in the universe instead of the thought (belief )that the sun is the center; after we know there are many other interesting cultures besides ours, we may get better information about the origins of these nations instead of the thought that all people in the world develop from the same background.

Furthermore, the study of an academic discipline changes our old ways we understand the world into more scientific and effective ones, through which we can see the world that is in our mind with different eyes. For example, at first, we use classical mechanics to analyze the discipline every object keep (sigh, better be "the movement of each object"?), but after studying in the university, we try to research the same thing with quantum theory ( with the extension of universcial explotion, we added the  quantum theory in to our physical world ), which is much more suited the microcosmthan the former one; in childhood, we may put too much emphasis on the bad or good aspect of one thing, but through studying critical thinking, we can see the world much more comprehensively.

In sum, studying an academic not only enlarge the world we see as before, but also offers us a better way to perceive it.

my suggestion:
1 Please add your chief abstract(提纲) ahead.... I try to analize as follows:

topic: totally agree
TS1 academic discipline enlarge our mind
TS2 it help us perceive the world we know before, which promoted a better understanding
TS3  it changes our old ways we understand the world into more scientific and effective ones
Conclution: repeat the topic

2 learn from others
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
3 check your issue,search google and look up the dictionary for a better "words picking"

[ 本帖最后由 zhangheng1020 于 2006-1-24 17:56 编辑 ]

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

add oil!!!
never never give up!!!

bohemian00UID: 2176063

It is true that（it is true 是让步， 我觉得用在这里与后面要表达的连接不太顺， 是不是it has been realized 之类好一些？） the study of an academic discipline enlarges the world in our mind, and this extensive knowledge offers us another way to perceive the world, which leads to a different view of world from what we see before. Moreover, an academic discipline can also change the old ways we perceive the world which is in our mind.

On the one hand, as we study an academic discipline, we do not see the same world as before, instead, the world in our mind enlarges. When we are still children, we may only think the world is constituted by people, plants, the sun, the moon and so on, but after studying, we know that there are a lot of microorganisms we can not see as well as a lot of planets far away all of which make up this unlimited world. When we are young, we may only know the culture we live in, but after studying, we know that people in other parts of the world have a lot of interesting behaviors and unheard celebrations.

On the other hand, this extension we know of our knowledge about the world can be applied to help us perceive the world we know before, which helps(help 有点重复， 是不是  assist好一点） us better understand it. The more information which is relevant about(relevant to?不确定 ) something we learn, the more likely we can be to understand it correctly and thoroughly. For example, after we know there are microorganism which we can not see, we can catch the reason why many diseases occur instead of making many unscientific assumptions; after we know there are many planets far away, we may get better comprehension about the location of the earth in the universe instead of the thought that the sun is the center; after we know there are many other interesting cultures besides ours, we may get better information about the origins of these nations instead of the thought that all people in the world develop from the same background（这个赞！排比的气势出来了。学习）.

Furthermore, the study of an academic discipline changes our old ways we understand the world into more scientific and effective ones, through which we can see the world （that is in our mind 觉得这个限定没什么必要，不写可能好一些） with different eyes. For example, at first, we use classical mechanics to analyze the discipline every object keep, but after studying（上面一段有了很多次after studying, 这里是不是可以换成having studied 换个说法好些？） in the university, we try to research the same things with quantum theory, which is much more suited than the former one; in childhood, we may put too much emphasis on the bad or good aspect of one thing, but through studying critical thinking, we can see the world much more  comprehensively.

In sum, studying an academic not only enlarges the world we see as before(感觉这里有点歧义,是" we see"  as before 还是 "enlarge the world we see "as before) but also offers us a better way to perceive it.

嗯，感觉组长的作文还是蛮不错的。
首先， 思路比较清楚，每段都有明确的主题，例子也紧紧地支持主题，值得学习！
然后，好像有些小词可以换用，那样效果比较好，比如我在文中没指出的study, 几乎在每每表达学习这个意思时 都会找到它， 是不是可选择适用educate,education, learn 等词呢？其实都很简单，但是显得不单调。
最后再赞那段排比：）

[ 本帖最后由 bohemian00 于 2006-1-26 00:13 编辑 ]

dinddind2003UID: 196353

首先多谢你们的意见，下面是我对一些意见的回复：
to zhangheng1020 ：
前三段你的修改很好，我全收了，第四段我想突出我们由经典力学改变成了量子力学，而不是add，但是我的表达不好，会修改的。
最后我的提纲和你总结的不完全一样，遗憾呢。。。
1  academic discipline enlarge our mind
2 这些扩大我们世界的学习让我们更好理解世界
3 其他的学习也让我们更好的理解世界
我觉得自己的主题句没说好，sorry

to bohemian00:
就是最后那个歧义要说明一下，改成enlarge the world we see before 这下before 只能修饰we see 了
其他的修改很好，谢谢