ISSUE175，请拍砖

wolfgangUID: 2113851

ISSUE175


175--It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual.
Outline:
Paragraph 1: 中心句开头，个人的进取心和洞察力很重要，但是也离不开高效和团结的团队的支持；
Paragraph 2: 进取心在一个人做出发现中的作用。例子：哥伦布发现美洲大陆；
Paragraph 3: 独特的洞察力在一个人做出发现中的作用。例子：哥伦布发现美洲大陆，非欧几何学的提出；
Paragraph 4: 团队合作在一个人做出发现中的作用，例子：哥伦布和麦哲伦航行；
Paragraph 5：总结，重述观点。
Response:
        During the process of innovation, individual is usually regarded as the source of impetus because of his personal enterprise and unique perception, but, differently as some people think, the function of the team is not merely to work out the details. I would rather say, only based on an efficient and coherent team can a person’s enterprise and unique perception be contribute to the final innovation.

        The individual’s enterprise is indispensable in most innovation, as the innovation usually involves something novel, which demands courage and wisdom to break up the authorities’ fetter and make experiments with an original initiative. This step, by no means, is easy to everyone. Some people may be too cautious or in lack of self-evidence to undertake new ventures, and others may be fear of failure or loss. Whatever the reasons are for that, we can obviously notice the difference in personalities between a person capable of innovation and an ordinary one. Christopher Columbus is the first individual to discovery America, but without his unique strong enterprise and courage to try out continuously sailing towards east, the discovery would be unimaginable, for the reason that to explore the new route which is unknown to the West world to some extent equals to a dangerous adventure where one had to bet on his life, fortune and popularity. Most people will withdraw considering so much possible loss and suffering, and so became the enterprise the essence for Columbus’ discovery. As a result, an individual’s enterprise is one of the fundamental qualities leading to innovation.

        Although enterprise is a necessary quality, unique perception seems to play a more vital role in one’s initiative, which is the start point for the novel experiments demanding enterprise. Without unique perception and sensible perspective towards the possible trend and consequence of the experiment, pure enterprise will lead to inevitable great loss and failure, and therefore, most new innovative experiments are based on solid or at least convincing evidence or theory. Christopher Columbus’ adventure is not merely a dream that he would like to fulfill after he woke up. He is convinced of the possibility that continuously sailing towards east will reach the oriental basing on the fact of Ferdinand Magellan’s successfully global sailing. Unique perception is especially important in scientific discovery. Isaac Newton’s theory on gravity was simply inspired by the falling of an apple—as the legend told, whereas most people would be undoubtedly indifferent toward this phenomenon that can not be more commonplace. The foundation of non-Euclidean geometry, first proposed by Bayou, and subsequently approved by Poisson, based on the simple initiative to reverse the parallel axiom in Euclid’s work “The Elements of Geometry”, while seldom people had ever tried this. As a result, the unique perception may be the essential difference between a genius and an ordinary person.

        An individual proposing an innovation which greatly changes human being’s life is obviously worthy of praise and respect, but one should not forget the function of the team as the soil where the genius grows up. Without collaboration and support with the team, an individual, however strong enterprise and sensible perception he possesses, would inevitably confront with frustrations and soon realize the unreality of his proposal, because an individual’s power is limited. We can not imagine Magellan or Columbus sailed alone to attest their initiative, and on the contrary, it may be improbable for them to sail alone even across the Mediterranean. Magellan’s sailing adventure can especially approve the claim, as at the time when he returned to Europe, the number of the crew had reduced to only small part of the quantity compared with the beginning. As a result, I would rather regard the team as the brick layer for the innovation of the genius, and without the support and aid of the team, rare individual can fulfill their enterprise.

        Nowadays, most innovations are attributed to a single individual, typically the Nobel Prize winner, the founder of the multi-national corporation, etc. They are undoubtedly eminent in contribution to the science, humanity, largely due to their distinctive enterprise and unique perception, without which they were no more than an ordinary man. But those are not all of the essence steeling their achievements. We shall not forget the role of their united, efficient and coherent team, laying the foundation for them, working out the details for them, and thus an indispensable necessity for any successful innovation.

[ 本帖最后由 wolfgang 于 2006-2-8 10:11 编辑 ]

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

wolfgangUID: 2113851

重新改了格式啦～不好意思

wolfgangUID: 2113851

up~~

我的马甲UID: 2177806

占座

果小冻UID: 208370

占

dinddind2003UID: 196353

好丰富的内容阿，先不管其他，赞一个i。。。。。。。。。。。

nandUID: 2179356

which is the start point for the novel experiments demanding enterprise.---->which is the start point of the novel experiments that demands enterprise

most new innovative experiments are based on solid or at least convincing evidence or theory.----->most of the innovative experiments are

Unique perception is especially important in scientific discovery.这句话与上面衔接不好，可以说is also...

写得很好的~~~~内容和语言都很好，句式变化也很多样~~~就以你为榜样学习了

果小冻UID: 208370

175--It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual.
Outline:
Paragraph 1: 中心句开头，个人的进取心和洞察力很重要，但是也离不开高效和团结的团队的支持；
Paragraph 2: 进取心在一个人做出发现中的作用。例子：哥伦布发现美洲大陆；
Paragraph 3: 独特的洞察力在一个人做出发现中的作用。例子：哥伦布发现美洲大陆，非欧几何学的提出；
Paragraph 4: 团队合作在一个人做出发现中的作用，例子：哥伦布和麦哲伦航行；
Paragraph 5：总结，重述观点。
Response:
        During the process of innovation, individual is usually regarded as the source of impetus because of his personal enterprise and unique perception, but, differently as some people think, the function of the team is not merely to work out the details. I would rather say, only based on an efficient and coherent team can a person’s enterprise and unique perception be contribute to the final innovation.[开头观点和明确]

        The individual’s enterprise is indispensable in most[这个限定词我感觉还是不加的好吧] innovation, as the innovation usually involves something novel, which demands courage and wisdom to break up the authorities’ fetter and make experiments with an original initiative. [和我的想法一样耶]This step, by no means, is easy to everyone. Some people may be too cautious or in lack of self-evidence to undertake new ventures, and others may be fear of failure or loss.[这里说了一些人的弱点，我觉得和下一个句子连接的不是很好，因为你下面放在前面的是改革者的特点。] Whatever the reasons are for that, we can obviously notice the difference in personalities between a person capable of innovation and an ordinary one. Christopher Columbus is the first individual to discovery America, but without his unique strong enterprise and courage to try out continuously sailing towards east, the discovery would be unimaginable, for the reason that to explore the new route which is unknown to the West world to some extent equals to a dangerous adventure where one had to bet on his life, fortune and popularity. [这个长句好的]Most people will withdraw considering so much possible loss and suffering, and so became the enterprise the essence for Columbus’ discovery. As a result, an individual’s enterprise is one of the fundamental qualities leading to innovation.[例子有分析有总结，恩长句使用的也好，赞]

        Although enterprise is a necessary quality, unique perception seems to play a more vital role in one’s initiative, which is the [start point好] for the novel experiments demanding enterprise. Without unique perception and sensible perspective towards the possible trend and consequence of the experiment, pure enterprise will lead to inevitable great loss and failure, and therefore, most new innovative experiments are based on solid or at least convincing evidence or theory. [在上一段落的基础上更进一步]Christopher Columbus’ adventure is not merely a dream that he would like to fulfill after he woke up. He is convinced of the possibility that continuously sailing towards east will reach the oriental basing on the fact of Ferdinand Magellan’s successfully global sailing. Unique perception is especially important in scientific discovery. Isaac Newton’s theory on gravity was simply inspired by the falling of an apple—as the legend told, whereas most people would be undoubtedly indifferent toward this phenomenon that can not be more commonplace. The foundation of non-Euclidean geometry, first proposed by Bayou, and subsequently approved by Poisson, based on the simple initiative to reverse the parallel axiom in Euclid’s work “The Elements of Geometry”, while seldom people had ever tried this. As a result, the unique perception may be the essential difference between a genius and an ordinary person.[例子很丰富的说，但我感觉这个段落的分析相对于上个段落有些逊色了哦，可能例子有余，分析不足]

        An individual proposing an innovation which greatly changes human being’s life is obviously worthy of praise and respect, but one should not forget the function of the team as the soil [形象]where the genius grows up. Without collaboration and support with the team, an individual, however strong enterprise and sensible perception he possesses, would inevitably confront with frustrations and soon realize the unreality of his proposal, because an individual’s power is limited. We can not [cannot]imagine Magellan or Columbus sailed alone to attest their initiative, and on the contrary, it may be improbable for them to sail alone even across the Mediterranean. Magellan’s sailing adventure can especially approve the claim, as at the time when he returned to Europe, the number of the crew had reduced to only small part of the quantity compared with the beginning. [还可以强调一下群体的作用]As a result, I would rather regard the team as the brick layer for the innovation of the genius, and without the support and aid of the team, rare individual can fulfill their enterprise.

        Nowadays, most innovations are attributed to a single individual, typically the Nobel Prize winner, the founder of the multi-national corporation, etc. They are undoubtedly eminent in contribution to the science, humanity, largely due to their distinctive enterprise and unique perception, without which they were no more than an ordinary man. But those are not all of the essence steeling their achievements. We shall not forget the role of their united, efficient and coherent team, laying the foundation for them, working out the details for them, and thus an indispensable necessity for any successful innovation.[感觉这个段落象独立的一个分论点，不象结尾呀]

我的马甲UID: 2177806

ISSUE175


175--It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual.
Outline:
Paragraph 1: 中心句开头，个人的进取心和洞察力很重要，但是也离不开高效和团结的团队的支持；
Paragraph 2: 进取心在一个人做出发现中的作用。例子：哥伦布发现美洲大陆；
Paragraph 3: 独特的洞察力在一个人做出发现中的作用。例子：哥伦布发现美洲大陆，非欧几何学的提出riemannian geometry，估计有人看不懂的说；
Paragraph 4: 团队合作在一个人做出发现中的作用，例子：哥伦布和麦哲伦航行；
Paragraph 5：总结，重述观点。
Response:
        During the process of innovation, individual is 这里要么是复数要么加个冠词吧 usually regarded as the source of impetus because of his 注意女权运动的问题 personal enterprise and unique perception, but, differently as some people think, the function of the team is not merely to work out the details. I would rather say, only based on an efficient and coherent team can a person’s enterprise and unique perception be contribute to the final innovation.

        The individual’s enterprise is indispensable in most innovation, as the innovation usually involves something novel, which demands courage and wisdom to break up the authorities’ fetter and make experiments with an original initiative. This step, by no means, is easy to[for] everyone [这句话说得目的是什么，是说谁都有enterprise的能力，还是什么别的东西。可能是参考了版主那个提示吧，说团队和个人的enterprise不好比较，我觉得她的意思是说这里就谈enterprise的重要性就好了，不用涉及到个人和团队的比较上来，个人对+版主在同主题1楼分析的理解而已。] . Some people may be too cautious or in lack of self-evidence to undertake new ventures, and others may be fear of failure or loss. Whatever the reasons are for that, we can obviously notice the difference in personalities between a person capable of innovation and an ordinary one. Christopher Columbus is the first individual to discovery America, but without his unique strong enterprise and courage to try out continuously sailing towards east, the discovery would be unimaginable, for the reason that to explore the new route which is unknown to the West world to some extent equals to a dangerous adventure where one had to bet on his life, fortune and popularity. Most people will withdraw considering so much possible loss and suffering, and so became the enterprise the essence for Columbus’ discovery. As a result, an individual’s enterprise is one of the fundamental qualities leading to innovation.

        Although enterprise is a necessary quality, unique perception seems to play a more vital role in one’s initiative, which is the start point for the novel experiments demanding enterprise. Without unique perception and sensible perspective towards the possible trend and consequence of the experiment, pure enterprise will [would] lead to inevitable great loss and failure, and therefore, most new innovative experiments are based on solid or at least convincing evidence or theory[怎么由独立的思考演变到了坚实的根据和理论基础的] . Christopher Columbus’ adventure is not merely a dream that he would like to fulfill after he woke up. He is convinced of the possibility that continuously sailing towards east will reach the oriental basing on the fact of Ferdinand Magellan’s successfully global sailing. Unique perception is especially important in scientific discovery. Isaac Newton’s theory on gravity was simply inspired by the falling of an apple —as the legend told, whereas most people would be undoubtedly indifferent toward this phenomenon that can not be more commonplace. The foundation of non-Euclidean geometry, first proposed by Bayou, and subsequently approved by Poisson, based on the simple initiative to reverse the parallel axiom in Euclid’s work “The Elements of Geometry”, while seldom people had ever tried this. As a result 换个词，上段用过了, the unique perception may be the essential difference between a genius不一定是天才啊，后天努力的也是大有人在啊 and an ordinary person.

        An individual proposing an innovation which greatly changes human being’s life is obviously worthy of praise and respect, but one should not forget the function of the team as the soil where the genius grows up. Without collaboration and support with with用的怪怪的 the team, an individual, however strong enterprise and sensible perception he possesses, would inevitably confront with frustrations and soon realize the unreality of his proposal, because an individual’s power is limited. We can not imagine Magellan or Columbus sailed alone to attest their initiative, and on the contrary, it may be improbable for them to sail alone even across the Mediterranean. Magellan’s sailing adventure can especially approvesupport等表支持的词就好了吧 the claim, as at the time when he returned to Europe, the number of the crew had reduced to only small part of the quantity compared with the beginning. 船员少了怎么就体现出了那个观点的呢，我觉得不如直接说他们是船长，可是航行时需要很多水手啊什么的。 As a result [再换个词], I would rather regard the team as the brick layer for the innovation of the genius, and without the support and aid of the team, rare individual can fulfill their enterprise.

        Nowadays, most innovations are attributed to a single individual, typically the Nobel Prize winner, the founder of the multi-national corporation, etc. They are undoubtedly eminent in contribution to the science, humanity, largely due to their distinctive enterprise and unique perception, without which they were no more than an ordinary man. But those are not all of the essence steeling their achievements. We shall not forget the role of their united, efficient and coherent team, laying the foundation for them, working out the details for them, and thus an indispensable necessity for any successful innovation.

一个例子反复用很有说服力。

wolfgangUID: 2113851

谢谢楼上两位的修改，你们的建议很有启发性，有一些也是我没有注意到的问题。

希望以后有机会再向两位讨教！谢谢～