issue159 jingjing(kito)请多多指教！^_^

jingjingtousUID：2164820

TOPIC: ISSUE159 - "The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds."
WORDS: 562          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-2-10

（this composition has been revised one time, and the current number of words is 648，唉，我限时和修改的差距好大啊！）

提纲：
1 机器作为人类的工具造福人类（从family, community, human society 三个层面）
2 机器是人类智慧的产物，始终比不过human minds
3 虽然机器在某些方面胜过人类，但人类不能过分依赖机器带来的方便而失去human spirits

Is it the truth that the human mind will always be superior to machines? The speaker claims so, for the reason that machines are only instruments of human minds. As far as I am concerning, I strongly agree with the statement that various machines were invented by humans for the purpose of bringing convenience to our lives, and furthermore, as my viewpoint, we should not unduly rely on the advanced machines while overlook our own ability of independent thoughts.

To begin with, I turn to my agreement with the speaker on the fundament that in the rapid development of high-tech and science, machines no matter how simple or complex, big or small, heavy or light, do improve our daily lives. To the family perspective,  machines as well as the appliances such as the air-condition, refrigerator,  micro-wave oven significantly enhanced out domestic life by keeping the room warm in winter and cool in summer, preventing the food from running bad and simplifying the cooking process. Moreover, the advanced vehicles like the automobiles, air-planes and so forth provide us a convenient and pleasure journey which will always took us most of time by walking or riding ever before. To the community perspective, the rapid process of industrialization tremendously gives rise to the most advanced complicated machines that we have not imagined before. Consider modern wine manufacturing factories, almost all of them implement the automatic producing process which is controlled by superior computer systems. With the supervision of computers, all the manufacturing process can be finished without the human labors. Thus, the high-tech machines sharply ameliorate the effectiveness of manufacturing. To the social perspective, we cannot deny that all the superior machines such as the spaceship, the famous telescope-Hubble, the Mars probe machine-Courage, greatly help human beings to better understand the cosmos and inspire them to explore the unknown fields.

Admittedly, diverse machines actually improve the living conditions of our lives and facilitate our progress to probe the mysterious world, nevertheless, they are unexceptionally created by our human minds. The only reason for their generation is that we need tools for assisting us while dealing with difficult and complicated problems in the modern era. Some detractors may argue that: what about the mechanical hands and the man-made brains which to certain extent could replace some works of human beings? However, the inventions of all these machines still cling thoroughly to human intelligence, in other words, no matter how they are similar to human minds or function as well as human behaviors, they still cold-blood machines, which is inferior to human independent thought, subjective judgment and more importantly, the emotional response and etc. While all these elements are possessed only by our humans beings and spring from the human minds-thus, as my view, human spirits would never be substituted by machines regardless of how emulable they are.

Finally, though I have to acknowledge that machines are more capable than human in certain respects such as the memory and the document of large quantities of data and some dangerous work, I want to further clarify my ideas into the statement that human being should not excessively depend on the superior machines, With the benefits from the convenience by using these devices, human beings have never become so lazy, coward and fantastic than ever before. The undue reliance of enjoying the convenience of machines will eventually forfeit our precious and unique perception, skepticism, objective analysis, critical thinking and the capability of solving the problem we encountered in the routine life-let alone about the creativity and originality.

To sum up, as discussed above, I concede that machines, as human beings' instruments, do benefit our human beings by bringing us innumerous convenience, nonetheless, we should merely treat them as tool rather than our necessaries and moreover, to deal with the complex and difficult problems in the modern epoch, we should still depend on our own minds.

@amy@UID：209096

占位~~

kito9695UID：209685

seat

@amy@UID：209096

Is it the truth that the human mind will always be superior to machines? The speaker claims so, for the reason that machines are only instruments of human minds. As far as I am concerning, I strongly agree with the statement that various machines were invented by humans for the purpose of bringing convenience to our lives, and furthermore, as my viewpoint, we should not unduly rely on the advanced machines while overlook our own ability of independent thoughts.

To begin with, I turn to my agreement with the speaker on the fundament that in the rapid development of high-tech and science, machines no matter how simple or complex, big or small, heavy or light, do improve our daily lives. To the family perspective, machines as well as the appliances such as the air-condition, refrigerator, micro-wave oven significantly enhanced out domestic life by keeping the room warm in winter and cool in summer, preventing the food from running bad and simplifying the cooking process. Moreover, the advanced vehicles like the automobiles, air-planes and so forth provide us a convenient and pleasure journey which will always took us most of time by walking or riding ever before. To the community perspective, the rapid process of industrialization tremendously gives rise to the most advanced complicated machines that we have not imagined before. Consider modern wine manufacturing factories, almost all of them implement the automatic producing process which is controlled by superior computer systems. With the supervision of computers, all the manufacturing process can be finished without the human labors. Thus, the high-tech machines sharply ameliorate the effectiveness of manufacturing. To the social perspective, we cannot deny that all the superior machines such as the spaceship, the famous telescope-Hubble, the Mars probe machine-Courage, greatly help human beings to better understand the cosmos and inspire them to explore the unknown fields.

Admittedly, diverse machines actually improve the living conditions of our lives and facilitate our progress to probe the mysterious world, [;] nevertheless, they are unexceptionally created by our human minds. The only reason for their generation is that we need tools for assisting us while dealing with difficult and complicated problems in the modern era. Some detractors may argue that: what about the mechanical hands and the man-made brains which to certain extent could replace some works of human beings? However, the inventions of all these machines still cling thoroughly to human intelligence, in other words, no matter how they are similar to human minds or function as well as human behaviors, they still cold-blood machines, which is inferior to human independent thought, subjective judgment and more importantly, the emotional response and etc. While all these elements are possessed only by our humans [human] beings and spring from the human minds-thus, as my view, human spirits would never be substituted by machines regardless of how emulable they are.

Finally, though I have to acknowledge that machines are more capable than human in certain respects such as the memory and the document of large quantities of data and some dangerous work, I want to further clarify my ideas into the statement that human being should not excessively depend on the superior machines, With the benefits from the convenience by using these devices, human beings have never become so lazy, coward and fantastic than ever before. The undue reliance of enjoying the convenience of machines will eventually forfeit our precious and unique perception, skepticism, objective analysis, critical thinking and the capability of solving the problem we encountered in the routine life-let alone about the creativity and originality. [你这段的作用是什么呢？难道是说如果人类forfeit our precious and unique perception, skepticism, objective analysis, critical thinking and the capability of solving the problem，机器就会超过人类吗？但这似乎是不可能，那么这段好像就与题目没什么关系了]

To sum up, as discussed above, I concede that machines, as human beings' instruments, do benefit our human beings by bringing us innumerous convenience, nonetheless, we should merely treat them as tool rather than our necessaries and moreover, to deal with the complex and difficult problems in the modern epoch, we should still depend on our own minds.[这个结尾好像也与题目没关系]

除了最后两段觉得与题目关系不大，没发现什么别的问题，呵呵

kito9695UID：209685

issue159 jingjing(kito)请多多指教！^_^

TOPIC: ISSUE159 - "The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds."
WORDS: 562          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-2-10

（this composition has been revised one time, and the current number of words is 648，唉，我限时和修改的差距好大啊！）

提纲：
1 机器作为人类的工具造福人类（从family, community, human society 三个层面）我总觉得题目的重点是比较which is superior，所以这个层次就显得和主题远一些，虽然它提到了tool但我总觉得题目中的tool也是为superior来服务的，要和比较扯上关系，我在我的文章里也写了这点，但是没有作为一个主要的论证层次，只是放在了开头的一些背景陈述里，而且说是因为人比较聪明所以造出了这些
2 机器是人类智慧的产物，始终比不过human minds
3 虽然机器在某些方面胜过人类，但人类不能过分依赖机器带来的方便而失去human spirits

Is it the truth that the human mind will always be superior to machines? The speaker claims so, for the reason that machines are only instruments of human minds. As far as I am concerning没见过，请教？, I strongly agree with the statement that various machines were invented by humans for the purpose of bringing convenience to our lives这里我觉得这个statement似乎和题目没有直接关系，I strongly agree with的内容是人类智慧优于机器这样的论断更好些吧-个人意见，仅供参考阿, and furthermore这里读上一句的时候我感觉后面可能有转折，结果是递进。然后看了一下内容觉得用however业是可以的，和前面形成转折关系了, as my viewpoint, we should not unduly rely on the advanced machines while overlook our own ability of independent thoughts.

To begin with, I turn to my agreement with见你用好几次了 the speaker on the fundament that不明白为什么要用on the fundament that in用with是不是更好些？ the rapid development of high-tech and science, machines no matter how simple or complex, big or small, heavy or light恩，增加字数的好方法，学习ing, do improve our daily lives. To the family perspective,  machines as well as the appliances有没有显得多余？appliances不就是machines吗？ such as the air-condition, refrigerator,  micro-wave oven significantly enhanced out？请教 domestic life by keeping the room warm in winter and cool in summer, preventing the food from running bad and simplifying the cooking process. Moreover, the advanced vehicles like the automobiles, air-planes and so forth provide us a convenient and pleasure journey which will always took us most of time by walking or riding考虑很全面，赞 ever before. To the community perspective, the rapid process of industrialization tremendously感觉这个词用在这修饰give rise to不妥 gives rise to the most advanced complicated machines that we have not imagined before. Consider modern wine manufacturing factories, almost all of them implement the automatic producing process which is controlled by superior computer systems. With the supervision of computers, all the manufacturing process can be finished without the去掉 human labors. Thus, the high-tech machines sharply ameliorate the effectiveness of manufacturing. To the social perspective, we cannot deny that all the superior machines such as the spaceship, the famous telescope-Hubble, the Mars probe machine-Courage很好的例子，学习ing, greatly help human beings to better understand the cosmos and inspire them to explore the unknown fields.有个疑问community和social似乎是一个意思吧，还不如改成science之类的

Admittedly, diverse machines actually improve the living conditions of our lives and facilitate our progress to probe the mysterious worldimprove the living conditions of life和probe the mysterious world像对应前面的family和social的层面，这样的话，中间的那层community也应该提到, nevertheless, they are unexceptionally created by our human minds. The only reason for their generation is that we need tools for assisting us while dealing with difficult and complicated problemsin the modern era这个有点多余，我们古代也需要工具阿. Some detractors这个带有严重感情色彩的词我觉得不应该用 may argue that: what about the mechanical hands and the man-made brains which to certain extent could replace some works of human beings? However, the inventions of all these machines still cling thoroughly to human intelligence, in other words, no matter how they are similar to human minds or function as well as human behaviors, they still cold-blood machines, which is inferior to human independent thought, subjective judgment and more importantly, the emotional response and etc. While all these elements are possessed only by our humans beings and spring from the human minds-thus, as my view, human spirits would never be substituted by machines regardless of how emulable they are.这段的逻辑有些混乱，实际上你提到了三层意思，但你都当作一个意思来论述了。这三个层次是：1机器是人产生的；2机器需要依靠人的控制下才能工作和存在；3机器没有人的情感。你体会一下是不是？这三个层次刚好都能说明人的智慧由于机器

Finally, though I have to acknowledge that machines are more capable than human in certain respects such as the memory and the documentdocument没有记录和存储的意思 of large quantities of data and some dangerous work这里接着前面的the memory and the document？不对吧, I want to further clarify my ideas into the statement that似乎有点罗嗦 human being should not excessively depend on the superior machines, With the benefits from the convenience by using these devices, human beings have never？是不是要去掉呀？ become so lazy, coward and fantastic than ever before. The undue reliance of enjoying the convenience of machines will eventually forfeit our precious and unique perception, skepticism, objective analysis, critical thinking and the capability of solving the problem we encountered in the routine life-let alone about the creativity and originality.恩恩，这个句子我喜欢
同样有一个问题，我觉得这段的陈述和题目的关系有些远…也可能是我太喜欢扣子眼，你批判地接受吧

To sum up, as discussed above, I concede that machines, as human beings' instruments, do benefit our human beings by bringing us innumerous convenience, nonetheless, we should merely treat them as tool rather than our necessaries and moreover, to deal with the complex and difficult problems in the modern epoch, we should still depend on our own minds. 这句结尾不错，赞

只挑了一些关乎逻辑的小毛病，jingjing的语言和句子毛病我是实在挑不出来多少，只有羡慕和学习的份了。我又学到了很多词汇~~呼呼，就是看的太慢了，现在才改完，表怪啊

kito9695UID：209685

呼呼~~终于改完了，连摘抄带学习，带改带玩花了一个多小时~~效率阿！！

jingjingtous我改的太慢了，所以改的可能少一些，你表怪我啊，我会尽量多改你的文章的。而且issue我坚持写了，思路跟的上，有些argument我之前没写，我就先不帮你改了阿~~