Argument147烂作强烈期待指点互拍

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

限时失败，第三段后面补的，请指教，连接必回拍
TOPIC£ºARGUMENT 147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
提纲
1、调查的问题，代表性，回应什么的
2、喜欢画面逼真的游戏不代表会买着类游戏，买的时候会考虑其他因素
3、就算上面的两条成立，只是广告也未必有效
According to the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind (WW) video games will increase dramatically in the next few months by a advertising campaign. However, a careful examination of the argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

To begin with, the survey cited here is dubious. How many people were surveyed? It is possible that only 30 players were studied, but the potential consumers were 20000. And we does not know how many people were surveyed but did not respond. If, for example, 600 players were studied, but no more than 60 echoed, the conclusion would be highly suspectable. Moreover, does the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of video players? Perhaps the respondents are those who seldom buy video games but play games by leasing or borrowing from others. In short, if any scenario mentioned above is true, the arguer cannot rely on it to draw any firm conclusion about the overall preference of video-game players.

Furthermore, even if the survey is reliable, it does not indicate that players will buy the games only with lifelike graphics; after all, players will consider other characteristics of the game besides graphics. With similar pictures, the game that is original and interesting may be more attractive to the players than WW's new game. Moreover, given that WW's new game requires the most up-to-date computers, many players without the advanced computers might not buy the game. Without ruling out such possibilities, the arguer's conclusion is not convincing.

Last but not least, an advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years might not suffice to ensure a dramatically increase in the sales of WW's video games. Granted that this age-group most likely to play games, most people 10 to 25 years old without stable job might not afford WW's new games, while WW's competitors might introduce similar games at lower price. Further, the arguer does not inform us why the WW's sales have declined.  If the decline is due to other factors such as poor management or economic conditions, the arguer cannot predict the sales trend will be reversed, let alone the sales will increase dramatically in the next few month.

In sum, the arguer's conclusion is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the arguer must provide more evidence that the survey is reliable, and the advertising campaign is sufficient to reverse the sales trend.

[ 本帖最后由 copia_cloud 于 2006-2-11 21:23 编辑 ]

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

自己up一下，那位达人指点一下吧，强烈欢迎留下连接互拍

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

自己再up一下吧，给点意见都感激涕零，bow

diamondustUID: 170378

According to the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind (WW) video games will increase dramatically in the next few months by a advertising campaign. However, a careful examination of the argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

To begin with, the survey cited here is dubious. How many people were surveyed? It is possible that only 30 players were studied, but the potential consumers were 20000. And we does not know how many people were surveyed but did not respond. If, for example, 600 players were studied, but no more than 60 echoed, the conclusion would be highly suspectable. Moreover, does the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of video players? Perhaps the respondents are those who seldom buy video games but play games by leasing or borrowing from others. (这个在国外就叫盗版了吧。。。自己买的Game借给别人安装是侵权行为)In short, if any scenario mentioned above is true, the arguer cannot rely on it to draw any firm conclusion about the overall preference of video-game players.

Furthermore, even if the survey is reliable, it does not indicate that players will buy the games only with lifelike graphics; after all, players will consider other characteristics of the (不是特指，用 a)game besides graphics. With similar pictures, the game that is original and interesting may be more attractive to the players than WW's new game. Moreover, given that WW's new game requires the most up-to-date computers, many players without the advanced computers might not buy the game. Without ruling out such possibilities, the arguer's conclusion is not convincing.

Last but not least, an advertising campaign directed at people (of)10 to 25 years might not suffice to ensure a dramatically increase in the sales of WW's video games. Granted that this age-group most likely to play games, most people 10 to 25 years old without stable job might not afford WW's new games, while WW's competitors might introduce similar games at lower price. Further, the arguer does not inform us why the WW's sales have declined.  If the decline is due to other factors such as poor management or economic conditions, the arguer cannot predict the sales trend will be reversed, let alone (你是想强调时间吧，但是不是太能看出来，感觉前后重复的比较厉害)the sales will increase dramatically in the next few month.

In sum, the arguer's conclusion is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the arguer must provide more evidence that the survey is reliable, and the advertising campaign is sufficient to reverse the sales trend.

^_^ 觉楼主应该写的很熟练了吧，很典型的一篇模板化的文章。
我还想到一点，就是旋风公司只是introduce 了several games，不代表立即就能够上市，所以几个月内可能没有希望能够reverse


帮我看看我的文章吧，一直都无人问津。。。

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

diamondustUID: 170378

忘了说了，文章和你的提纲3不符哦！

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

第三点我想说就算打了广告，但因为竞争，以及广告对象的原因，也不一定能保证销售的上涨。写的有点乱，你能不能把不符和的地方说的再具体一些？呵呵，谢谢拉

diamondustUID: 170378

原帖由 copia_cloud 于 2006-2-11 22:14 发表
第三点我想说就算打了广告，但因为竞争，以及广告对象的原因，也不一定能保证销售的上涨。写的有点乱，你能不能把不符和的地方说的再具体一些？呵呵，谢谢拉

你这样说就没有问题了，文章第四段的TS说的是10~25的广告对象未必合适，和前半段的内容是相符的，所以我当时也没有插入什么，可能是我误解你前面的那个中文提纲了吧！

不过你第四段前后两部分没有什么联系啊，放在一段里面感觉怪怪的

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

呵呵，谢谢拍砖

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

TOPIC£ºARGUMENT 147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
提纲
1、调查的问题，代表性，回应什么的
2、喜欢画面逼真的游戏不代表会买着类游戏，买的时候会考虑其他因素
3、就算上面的两条成立，只是广告也未必有效
According to the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind (WW) video games will increase dramatically in the next few months by a advertising campaign. However, a careful examination of the argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

To begin with, the survey cited here is dubious. How many people were surveyed? It is possible that only 30 players were studied, but the potential consumers were 20000. And we does not know how many people were surveyed but did not respond. If, for example, 600 players were studied, but no more than 60 echoed, the conclusion would be highly suspectable. Moreover, does the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of video players? Perhaps the respondents are those who seldom buy video games but play games by leasing or borrowing from others. In short, if any scenario mentioned above is true, the arguer cannot rely on it to draw any firm conclusion about the overall preference of video-game players.

Furthermore, even if the survey is reliable, it does not indicate that players will buy the games only with这个only用的不好，argument 中只是说带lifelike graphics不是只有 lifelike graphics; after all, players will consider other characteristics of the game besides graphics. With similar pictures, the game that is original and interesting may be more attractive to the players than WW's new game. Moreover, given that WW's new game requires the most up-to-date computers, many players without the advanced computers might not buy the game. Without ruling out such possibilities, the arguer's conclusion is not convincing.

Last but not least, an advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years might not suffice to ensure a dramatically increase in the sales of WW's video games. Granted that this age-group most likely to play games, most people 10 to 25 years old without stable job might not afford WW's new games, while WW's competitors might introduce similar games at lower price. Further, the arguer does not inform us why the WW's sales have declined.  If the decline is due to other factors such as poor management or economic conditions, the arguer cannot predict the sales trend will be reversed, let alone the sales will increase dramatically in the next few month.
（不知道我这么认为有没有道理， “people of 10-25 years old are most likely to play video games” 既没有数据 也没有证据说明这一事实）

In sum, the arguer's conclusion is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the arguer must provide more evidence that the survey is reliable（to proof that the survey is reliable）, and the advertising campaign is sufficient to reverse the sales trend.  
总体来说，你写的不错！没多少漏洞，加油！