ARGUMENT117 留链互拍啊

TARZAN_1982UID: 2142821

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ARGUMENT117
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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In this meme, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores takes some seemingly reasonable analyses such as over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past and mainly based on this survey, the arguer gets the conclusion that if they increase the stock of home office machines at all Valu-Mart stores, their departments will become the most profitable one. However, close scrutiny of this recommendation, I find there are some severe fallacies.

First of all, there are no convincing evidences to ensure the survey mentioned in this memo is worth trusting. For example, maybe there are only few participators taking part in the survey so the over 70 percent of the respondents could not illustrate there are more people would work home. It is also possible that the responders are not representative, and perhaps they come from an identical company, consequently the survey could not prove the situation-there are more people work home-is true.

Secondly, even the survey is trustful. The changes by stocking home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, and paper shredders and so on also might do no help to increase the sales of them. Perhaps the people who work more at home do not need these machines at all or they might already have these machines in their own homes. In this sense, if the arguer could not provide further evidences to bolster his or her recommendation, we could not believe the sales will increase.

At last but not the least, whether the changes will guarantee the office-supply departments to be the most profitable one is still open to doubt. There is no information about other departments in Valu-Mart stores, thus it is entirely possible that some departments are still more profitable even though the sales of office machines would increase. Or perhaps the profit in a single office machine is so little that the increasing sales still could not increase the whole profit greatly. So the changes might be no use.

To sum up, the arguer too hastily achieve his or her conclusion, to better support the recommendation the arguer should provide more information about the reasonability of the survey and to bolster the claim the arguer also should provide the details about the cost and the profit about home office machines.

Archer1123UID: 206148

ARGUMENT117 留链互拍啊

------题目------
ARGUMENT117
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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[提个建议先，可以先列出outline吗？这样方便理清思路，呵呵]
In this meme [memo吧？], the business manager of Valu-Mart stores takes some seemingly reasonable analyses such as [such as 后面可以接句子吗？不确定哦] over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past and mainly based on this survey, the arguer gets [用makes好点吧？] the conclusion that if they increase the stock of home office machines at all Valu-Mart stores, their departments will become the most profitable one. However, close scrutiny of this recommendation, I find there are some severe fallacies. [开头还是比较中规中矩的，不过如果语言简练点，词汇变化点，不copy 原文就更好了]

First of all, there are no convincing evidences [印象中evidence是不可数名词吧？] to ensure the survey mentioned in this memo is worth trusting [这种说法感觉不太适合argu，…ensure the reliability of the survey mentioned …]. For example, [直接用possibly, perhaps, 或者it is possible that吧] maybe there are only few participators taking part in the survey so the over 70 percent of the respondents could not illustrate there are more people would work home. It is also possible that the responders are not representative, and perhaps they come from an identical company, consequently the survey could not prove the situation-there are more people work home-is true.

Secondly, even the survey is trustful. [感觉trustful好像不太适合，这里两句之间用逗号就可以了] The changes by stocking home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, and paper shredders and so on also might do no help to increase the sales of them. Perhaps the people who work more at home do not need these machines at all or they might already have these machines in their own homes. In this sense, [可以再加一句，the sale of home office machine might not increase following the more work in home. 大概是这个意思，呵呵，下面就是单独的一句总结]if the arguer could not provide further evidences to bolster his or her recommendation, we could not believe the sales will increase.

At [删掉at] last but not the least, whether the changes will guarantee the office-supply departments to be the most profitable one is still open to doubt. There is no information about other departments in Valu-Mart stores, thus it is entirely possible that some departments are still more profitable even though the sales of office machines would increase. Or perhaps the profit in a single office machine is so little that the increasing sales still could not increase the whole profit greatly. So the changes might be no use.

To sum up, the arguer too hastily achieve [achieves] his or her conclusion, to better support the recommendation the arguer should provide more information about the reasonability of the survey and to bolster the claim the arguer also should provide [好像有点累赘，…survey, as well as the details…] the details about the cost and the profit about home office machines.