argument117 sally 小组 2 月14的作业

weiweizhuUID??179352

第二次写了感觉挺顺手的
ARGUMENT 117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
字数：517          用时：0:30:00          日期：2006-2-15
提纲：调查的可信度有问题
      带更多工作回家不一定意味着买更多家庭办公用具
      没有弄清办公用具销量不高的原因
      简答认为销量增加，利润业增加

In the memo of Valu-Mart stores, the manager recommends that they should increase their stock of home office machines and supplies. To substantiate his recommendation, the manager provides a survey to show that more and more people want to work at home so the sales of home office machines and supplies will augment. In addition, he cites the fact that the sales in our present goods of office-supply have not seen impressive. The suggestion has several flaws which make it unconvincing.

First of all, the reliability of the survey is open to doubt. On the one hand, the manager does not provide any information to show how the survey conducted, is the number of the sample large enough to be statistically significant, is the sample chosen randomly so as to be representative. On the other hand, 70% respondents’ opinion does not necessarily reflect that of all citizens. We do not know what proportion of people asked respondent to the survey. It is possible that 1000people participate in the survey but only 5%, that is 50 people answer the question. Without acquiring such information mentioned above, the manager cannot convince me the result of the survey is reliable.
       
Secondly, taking more work home does not necessarily contribute to more sales of home office machines and supplies. Probably employees are forbidden to take work home in the past, so "more" in nowadays respondence only means increase a little. The increase can be well satisfied by their own family office tools. If it is the case, the manager's assumption that home office tool will be more popular is totally unwarranted.

Thirdly, the manager does not consider the real reasons for office-supply department's flag sales. It is entirely possible that recently economics deflation and because of it, all the sales including office-supply and home office facility fall down. It is equally possible that the high price of office-supply and inferior quality of it or assistant's bad service that contribute to the low sales. Without ruling out these possibilities, even the stores shift their sales product, the adverse condition of sales may not be better.

Last but not the least, the manager simply view more profit as augment in sales. As every body knows, profit consist sales, price and the cost. High cost in stock of office supplies can set off the income brought by more sales. What is more, the manager cannot guarantee that the sales would definitely increase. If there are many stores selling home office machines and supplies exist, competition among them have been already severely, entering such kind of market will not be a wise choice. Without consider such factors that determine the profit, simply adopt the policy will not be efficient and even do harm to the stores.

In sum, the suggestion from the memo is inconvincible as it stands. To modify it, the manager should offers additional information about the details of the survey and people's true attitude toward the home work. In addition, the manager should find out what is the true reason for bad sales of office-supply and consider complete factors that affect profit.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-2-15 15:18 编辑 ]

foreveraUID??202035

In the memo of Valu-Mart stores, the manager recommends that they should increase their stock of home office machines and supplies. To substantiate his recommendation, the manager provides a survey to show that more and more people want to work at home so the sales of home office machines and supplies will augment. In addition, he cites the fact that the sales in our present goods of office-supply have not seen impressive. The suggestion has several flaws which make it unconvincing.开头不错

First of all, the reliability of the survey is open to doubt. On the one hand, the manager does not provide any information to show how the survey conducted, is the number of the sample large enough to be statistically significant, is the sample chosen randomly so as to be representative. On the other hand, 70% respondents’ opinion does not necessarily reflect that of all citizens. We do not know what proportion of people asked respondent to the survey. It is possible that 1000people participate in the survey but only 5%, that is 50 people answer the question. Without acquiring such information mentioned above, the manager cannot convince me the result of the survey is reliable.错误找的很准,不过如果再深入点就好了
        
Secondly, taking more work home does not necessarily contribute to more sales of home office machines and supplies. Probably employees are forbidden to take work home in the past, so "more" in nowadays respondence only means increase a little.感觉这个理由不太有力 The increase can be well satisfied by their own family office tools. If it is the case, the manager's assumption that home office tool will be more popular is totally unwarranted.

Thirdly, the manager does not consider the real reasons for office-supply department's flag sales. It is entirely possible that recently economics deflation and because of it, all the sales including office-supply and home office facility fall down. It is equally possible that the high price of office-supply and inferior quality of it or assistant's bad service that contribute to the low sales. Without ruling out these possibilities, even the stores shift their sales product, the adverse condition of sales may not be better.

Last but not the least, the manager simply view more profit as augment in sales. As every body knows, profit consist sales, price and the cost. High cost in stock of office supplies can set off the income brought by more sales. What is more, the manager cannot guarantee that the sales would definitely increase. If there are many stores selling home office machines and supplies exist, competition among them have been already severely, entering such kind of market will not be a wise choice. Without consider such factors that determine the profit, simply adopt the policy will not be efficient and even do harm to the stores.

In sum, the suggestion from the memo is inconvincible as it stands. To modify it, the manager should offers additional information about the details of the survey and people's true attitude toward the home work. In addition, the manager should find out what is the true reason for bad sales of office-supply and consider complete factors that affect profit.

基本没什么问题,就是每个点再深入一点就好了,语言上有些地方还不太连贯.加油哦~~~

小室黄瓜UID??2155213

argument117 sally 小组 2 月14的作业

第二次写了感觉挺顺手的
ARGUMENT 117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
字数：517          用时：0:30:00          日期：2006-2-15
提纲：调查的可信度有问题
      带更多工作回家不一定意味着买更多家庭办公用具
      没有弄清办公用具销量不高的原因
      简答认为销量增加，利润业增加

In the memo of Valu-Mart stores, the manager recommends that they should increase their stock of home office machines and supplies. To substantiate his recommendation, the manager provides a survey to show that more and more people want to work at home so the sales of home office machines and supplies will augment. In addition, he cites the fact that the sales in our present goods of office-supply have not seen impressive. The suggestion has several flaws which make it unconvincing.

First of all, the reliability of the survey is open to doubt. On the one hand, the manager does not provide any information to show how the survey conducted, is the number of the sample large enough to be statistically significant, is the sample chosen randomly so as to be representative. On the other hand, 70% respondents’ opinion does not necessarily reflect that of all citizens. We do not know what proportion of people asked respondent to the survey. It is possible that 1000people participate in the survey but only 5%, that is 50 people answer the question. Without acquiring such information mentioned above, the manager cannot convince me the result of the survey is reliable.（这一点说得有新意）
        
Secondly, taking more work home does not necessarily contribute to more sales of home office machines and supplies. Probably employees are forbidden to take work home in the past, so "more" in nowadays respondence only means increase a little. The increase can be well satisfied by their own family office tools. If it is the case, the manager's assumption that home office tool will be more popular is totally unwarranted. 这点没有展开，结构不搭配 ，可以放到上面写在一段里。
Thirdly, the manager does not consider the real reasons for office-supply department's flag sales. It is entirely possible that recently economics deflation and because of it, all the sales including office-supply and home office facility fall down. It is equally possible that the high price of office-supply and inferior quality of it or assistant's bad service that contribute to the low sales. Without ruling out these possibilities, even the stores shift their sales product, the adverse condition of sales may not be better.

Last but not the least, the manager simply view more profit as augment in sales. As every body knows, profit consist sales, price and the cost. High cost in stock of office supplies can set off the income brought by more sales. What is more, the manager cannot guarantee that the sales would definitely increase. If there are many stores selling home office machines and supplies exist, competition among them have been already severely, entering such kind of market will not be a wise choice. Without consider such factors that determine the profit, simply adopt the policy will not be efficient and even do harm to the stores.说得很好。

In sum, the suggestion from the memo is inconvincible as it stands. To modify it, the manager should offers additional information about the details of the survey and people's true attitude toward the home work. In addition, the manager should find out what is the true reason for bad sales of office-supply and consider complete factors that affect profit.

总的来说，写得不错啊！！感觉你已经有了很好的模板，分析的也很全面。向你学习！！