issue7 无敌拍场第九期作业

rosewmUID: 2183870

7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

Words: 512

The speaker claims, as a form of documentation, video data is more important than written records because of its accurate and convincing property. I concede that the video provides a more objective and spatial record of contemporary life; thereby it is superior to written records. Otherwise, in my view the video is differ from traditional written records in different angles, thus both of them are important.

From papyrus in Egypt, inscription on bamboo in China in ancient time to nowadays, written records are the best carrier of history of human beings for years. In the last decades, advances in modern technology have made it possible for people to take a three-dimensional record of contemporary life. Multimedia is another milestone on the development of documentary and transfers tools. The objective of documentation is to emphasize or express things as perceived without distortion of personal feelings, insertion of fictional matter, or interpretation. Whereas, common sense tells us it is impossible. Researchers on the psychology area assert that the object we see is not the real one, but the object composed on our retina by the mental calculation. By sharp contrast with video data which are recorded by machine, written records are made by recorder after his process of thinking. Accordingly, we have to suspect that the literal information might be slanted, distorted or the truth totally denied. In short, video records are usually more accurate and more convincing than written records in a sense.

Yet, in another sense we can not claim that the video is absolutely convincing as a documentary tool. This may be true if we ignore the existence of byproducts of the modern technology. Although the video records are more accurate than written one, more often than not, fake is more familiar to the new tools. Because of the development of digital camera, we can arbitrary modify it even beyond our imagination. For supporting examples one need look no further than the Hollywood film products. Neo fight against the Matrix, Michael Jordan play basketball with rabbits in Space Jam, all these scenarios we watched on the screen as happened in our live. Thus we can not imagine how danger will be if someone vicious utilizes the video records. For this case in point, the modern documentary tool not so convincing as we believed.

Besides, even if we concede that the video records are accurate and convincing in recording contemporary life, there are a good deal of benefits of the written records that the video camera can not provide. Literal information is simple and effective that can summarize any complex phenomenon. For example, a video record is of no use in documenting statistical. Consequently, the video can not take over the functions served by print.  

To sum up, we cannot say whether the video records or the written documents are more important than the other in that each has its irreplaceable merits and values. Video camera offers a vivid record while traditional written document can provide more pellucid record. Accordingly, the two documentary tools working together will contribute more to our lives.

SayyesUID: 2186610

太牛了！击节叹赏！

dzhb644UID: 2127664

issue7 无敌拍场第九期作业

7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

Words: 512

The speaker claims, as a form of documentation, video data is more important than written records because of its accurate and convincing property. I concede that the video provides a more objective and spatial record of contemporary life; thereby it is superior to written records. Otherwise, in my view the video is differ[different] from traditional written records in different angles, thus both of them are important.

From papyrus in Egypt, inscription on bamboo in China in ancient time to nowadays, written records are the best carrier of history of human beings for years. In the last decades, advances in modern technology have made it possible for people to take a three-dimensional record of contemporary life. Multimedia is another milestone on the development of documentary and transfers tools. The objective of documentation is to emphasize or express things as perceived without distortion of personal feelings, insertion of fictional matter, or interpretation. Whereas, common sense tells us it is impossible. Researchers on the psychology area assert that the object we see is not the real one, but the object composed on our retina by the mental calculation. By sharp contrast with video data which are recorded by machine, written records are made by recorder after his process of thinking. Accordingly, we have to suspect that the literal information might be slanted, distorted or the truth totally denied. In short, video records are usually more accurate and more convincing than written records in a sense.

Yet, in another sense we can not claim that the video is absolutely convincing as a documentary tool. This may be true if we ignore the existence of byproducts of the modern technology. Although the video records are more accurate than written one, more often than not, fake is more familiar to the new tools. Because of the development of digital camera, we can arbitrary modify it even beyond our imagination. For supporting examples one need look no further than the Hollywood film products. Neo fight against the Matrix, Michael Jordan play basketball with rabbits in Space Jam, all these scenarios we watched on the screen as happened in our live. [这个例子有待斟酌,film的作用是娱乐,这与documentation 有所不同, 退一步讲,这个例子说明了我们的技术水平可以创造出不存在的影视画面,但进一步的说明,也就是这会造成video camera的造假缺乏论述]Thus we can not imagine how danger will be if someone vicious utilizes the video records. For this case in point, the modern documentary tool not so convincing as we believed.

Besides, even if we concede that the video records are accurate and convincing in recording contemporary life, there are a good deal of benefits of the written records that the video camera can not provide. Literal information is simple and effective that can summarize any complex phenomenon. For example, a video record is of no use in documenting statistical. Consequently, the video can not take over the functions served by print.  [仓促的结尾, 在列举了video的不足之处后要是能回到written records 不可替代的作用,会显得更完整一些]

To sum up, we cannot say whether the video records or the written documents are more important than the other in that[“in that”不知是否有这种用法, 改错的化一定要告诉我啊as/for/because] each has its irreplaceable merits and values. Video camera offers a vivid record while traditional written document can provide more pellucid record. Accordingly, the two documentary tools working together will contribute more to our lives.


文章的语言很流畅,看来rosewm的功底相当深厚啊
逻辑也很连贯,要向你学习啊
这篇文章是不是限了时?

Dzhb644
2006.2.19

avexUID: 159089

The speaker claims, as a form of documentation, video data is [are] more important than written records because of its [their] accurate and convincing property. I concede that the video provides a more objective and spatial record of contemporary life; thereby it is superior to written records [加状语，要不逻辑错误，不是那方面都强者也不正是你的论点么]. Otherwise, in my view the video is differ [GE] from traditional written records in different angles, thus [GE] both of them are important.

From papyrus in Egypt, inscription on bamboo in China in ancient time to nowadays[对应错误，“纸”不对“现在”对现在的纸], written records are the best carrier of history of human beings[GE, human beings’ history or the his…..] for years. In the last decades, advances in modern technology have made it possible for people to take a three-dimensional record of contemporary life. Multimedia is another milestone on the development of documentary and transfers tools. The objective of documentation is to emphasize or express things as perceived without distortion of personal feelings, insertion of fictional matter, or interpretation. [这句不错] Whereas[去掉], common sense tells us it is impossible. Researchers on the psychology area assert that the object we see is not the real one, but the object composed on our retina by the mental calculation. By sharp contrast with video data which are recorded by machine, written records are made by recorder after his[/her] process of thinking. Accordingly, we have to suspect that the literal information might be slanted, [去掉逗号，and] distorted or the truth totally denied[？如果是省略，那么是语法错误，不是的话是逻辑错误]. In short, video records are usually more accurate and more convincing than written records in a sense. [这段正面的论证还好]

Yet, in another sense[cohere的不错] we can not[cannot] claim that the video is absolutely convincing as a documentary tool. This may be true if we ignore the existence of byproducts of the modern technology. Although the video records are more accurate than written one, more often than not, fake is more familiar to the new tools[用associate 或 coincide来表述这个逻辑吧]. Because of the development of [the] digital camera[不如说数字化在video camera中的引用及普及，dc容易产生歧义], we can arbitrary[变为副词]modify it even beyond our imagination. For supporting examples one need look no further than the Hollywood film products. Neo fight against the Matrix, Michael Jordan play basketball with rabbits in Space Jam, [GE] all these scenarios we watched on the screen as happened in our live.[这个例子平不能说明什么，或与主体有联系，以为你后面没有联系起来] Thus we can not imagine how danger will be if someone vicious [GE] utilizes the video records. For this case in point, the modern documentary tool not so convincing as we believed [GE].[这一段在语言和逻辑上都出现不同程度的问题，语言语法问题如上。我在谈一下逻辑论证上的问题，你这想要说video又不是那么令人信服，原因：就是让他改变（fake）就更加容易。这个并不是重点，论证跑题。对于一个documentation对于我们来说比另外一个重要，至少你要说A比B更容易被fake；因为as we know，不但written records也很容易被fake，同样video records也有很多方法去防止fake（加密，电子水印）；举个例子吧，比如lotr它的小说和movie都大热，按照你的逻辑就是movie不如book对于我们重要，原因是这有太多方法和不法之徒去盗版错改lotr的dvd。Is this argument reasonable? To be frank, I doubt it.]

Besides, even if we concede that the video records are accurate and convincing in recording contemporary life, there are a good deal of benefits of the written records that the video camera can not provide. Literal information is simple and effective that [GE] can summarize any complex phenomenon. For example, a video record is of no use in documenting statistical[statistics---statistic的复述]. Consequently, the video can not take over the functions served by print [text].  
[这段的论证实在powerless,因为是支持自己论点的段落，并不是完备逻辑完整性的让步段，所以请深入分析添加论据和分论点]
To sum up, we cannot say whether the video records or the written documents are more important than the other in that each has its irreplaceable merits and values.[呵呵，scortio 大大的话好流行呀] Video camera [GE,加冠词]offers a vivid record while traditional written document can provide more pellucid record. Accordingly, the two documentary tools working together will contribute more to our lives[这个观点你上面论证了，即使论证了也没多大作用。对于这个issue，因为两个combine更好并不能否定或支持其中一个比另一个重要].

[正面的段落还可以，但是再后两个反驳的段落中，出现逻辑错误论证对于主题没有很强的支持。从而整篇文章表述不清；同时文中的语法和语言错误也不是很好
对于第一篇还算过得去，继续努力互改争取这一篇作业的plus吧]

ps:本人向来拍得狠，见谅

[ 本帖最后由 avex 于 2006-2-19 19:29 编辑 ]

rosewmUID: 2183870

谢谢Sayyes ，dzhb644 和avex！！！^_^
首先to sayyes，我也是刚开始写，不咋样的，很多都是借鉴的北美范文，hoho
再to dzhb，你说的film的例子的问题，很有道理，我当时写的时候没有注意到这个问题；还有那个in that，我好像整句话都是偷用来的，所以，应该没问题啦^_^
最后，实在要感谢感谢感谢avex的细心指教！我会按照你说的，再从新改一遍。我来gter不久，整日上窜下跳，上下求索，终于找到一个不仅自己写的好，改的也极认真的高手了，太感动了，真希望下次你有空时能拍得再狠些，呵呵