Issue128 第一篇，请大家斧正！

kissfireUID: 2137488

128.It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit.

In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than

set them free.

感觉不好，用了将近两个小时。请大家斧正！

outline:
1.正规教育是不可缺少的。
2.正规教育可能会导致束缚我们思想和精神。
3.培养批判和独立的思考能力，可以帮助我们解决这个问题。


As we all know, formal education, as going to school, university or college, is the main way

we get the knowledge and educated ourselves. Formal education instills us mainly the

orthodox thoughts and traditional values. Sometimes, this sole cultivation may have several

negative influence to set our minds and spirits free. However, formal education, by

advocating the critical and independent thinking, will not restrain the mind and spirit, but

prepare us to future researches or jobs.

On the first place, formal education is indispensable for people's development and well-

being of the society. As to the realm of science, formal education teaches students the

basic knowledge and ideas already proved to be right.All these knowledge is preparing for

their future study. Just like a pupil, you must let him or her know that 1 adds 1 equal to

2, then you can teach him or her advanced calculating problems. By this means of

accumulation, they, eventually, may become a learned person who can make benefits to our

society. Also to the realm of society,formal education can supply orthodox cultures and

traditional values which are highly valued by the society. These cultures and values can

help us to understand our nation and our country, cultivate our passions to love the country

and nation, and also establish our good personalities and accommodating characters. From

these kind of education, people will following the order and the basic rules of the society,

thus keep our sociaty stable.

On the second place, it is understandable that the formal education always teach the

orthodox ideas and traditional values which may limit our scopes, thus it is possible for us

to be blind to other things and restrain our minds. For an example, the scientist, who have

learned pretty much knowledge about his major, may restrict his eyes on the local areas, can

not consider the problem with other percepectives, thus no big breakthrough will be

achieved. Also, if the formal education takes extremely emphasis on superiority of their

native culture and values, the students may become aggressive like chauvinism.

On the third place, formal education may not restrain our minds and spirits by advocating

the students' abilities of  critical and independent thinking. By this means of eduction,

the students will form the habits of reconsidering the ideas or values with their own

perceptions, before they accept them. This is an active attitude, not the passive

acceptance, and can avoid the drawbacks of the ossified formal eduction. Therefore, to form

students' abilities of critical and independent thinking is the proper fuction the educators

should always keep in minds, and also is a well-balanced educational system's task which can

not be rejected.

To sum up, formal education, with focus on students'ability of critical and independent

thinking cultivating, will not restrain our minds and spirits. Instead, it will set them

free, and educate students to be useful persons.

[ 本帖最后由 kissfire 于 2006-2-21 23:08 编辑 ]

lijian1985UID: 189477

128. It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
感觉不好，用了将近两个小时。请大家斧正！
outline:
1.正规教育是不可缺少的。
2.正规教育可能会导致束缚我们思想和精神。
3.培养批判和独立的思考能力，可以帮助我们解决这个问题。


As we all know, formal education, as going to school (as school education会比较合适吧), university or college, is the main way we get the knowledge and educated ourselves. Formal education instills (instill好像不是这么用的)us mainly the orthodox thoughts and traditional values(正规教育灌输正统思想和传统观念，是用来说明好处还是坏处呢？我感觉这不是什么好的方面). Sometimes, this sole (何意？) cultivation may have several negative influence (influences) to set our minds and spirits free(这些负面影响会set our minds and spirits free？). However, formal education, by advocating (provoking如何？)the critical and independent thinking, will not restrain the mind and spirit, but prepare us to(for) future researches or jobs(首段结尾之前作了让步，但是感觉这样的结尾很突兀，至少在结尾前简单概括一些原因和分析).

On the first place, formal education is indispensable for people's development and well-being of the society. As to (用在这里感觉不合适) the realm of science, formal education teaches students the basic knowledge and ideas already proved to be right. All these knowledge is preparing for their future study. Just like a pupil, you must let him or her know that 1 adds 1 equal to 2 （这句很中式化）, then you can teach him or her advanced calculating problems. By this means of accumulation, they, eventually, may become a learned person who can make benefits to our society. Also to the realm of society, formal education can supply orthodox cultures and traditional values which are highly valued by the society. These cultures and values can help us to understand our nation and our country, cultivate our passions to love the country and nation, and also establish our good personalities and accommodating characters. From these (this) kind of education, people will following (follow) the order and the basic rules of the society, thus keep our society stable.
这段举的例子，我感觉有些牵强，或许可以举一些名人的例子，他们年轻时在学校接受正规教育，并且做出了创新性的成就等等。
在这段论述正规教育的诸多好处，但是不要忘记了原题的中心议题：正规教育是否束缚思想，而这段似乎并没有提到。
On the second place, it is understandable that the formal education always teach the orthodox ideas and traditional values which may limit our scopes, thus it is possible for us to be blind (blinded这里blind为动词)to other things and restrain our minds. For an(去掉)example, the(a) scientist, who have learned pretty much knowledge about his major, may restrict his eyes on the local areas, can not consider the problem with other percepectives (perspectives), thus no big breakthrough will be achieved. (这里说科学家由于掌握了太多的本专业知识，从而导致限制视角，好像不合逻辑，应该补充说明一下由于研究的范围过于狭窄，因此视角狭窄)Also, if the formal education takes extremely emphasis on superiority of their native culture and values, the students may become aggressive like chauvinism(这样的说法好像夸张了点，呵呵).
为了说明正规教育可能束缚思想，这里的例子也不太恰当。因为科学家由于研究范围狭窄从而导致思维受限（其实也不然，科学家可以在很小的研究范围内拥有很广阔的思维，做出创新的成果，而这种成果很有含金量的），这并不能归咎于正规教育啊。
On the third place, formal education may not restrain our minds and spirits by advocating the students' abilities of critical and independent thinking. By this means (kind) of education, the students will form the habits of reconsidering the ideas or values with their own perceptions, (这个逗号可以去掉)before they accept them. This is an active attitude, not the passive acceptance, (这句也很中式，可以考虑用rather than)and can (help to) avoid the drawbacks of the ossified formal education. Therefore, to form students' abilities of critical and independent thinking is the proper fuction (function) the educators should always keep in minds (bear in mind), and also is a well-balanced educational system's task which can not be rejected (为什么要这样说？reject?).
这段的论述没有深入，只是在表面上说问题。主题句formal education may not restrain our minds and spirits by advocating the students' abilities of critical and independent thinking提出了一个很好的论点，中心便是by advocating the students' abilities of critical and independent thinking，然后下文应该围绕这个中心深入展开，比如如何激发学生的理性思考能力的，并且举出相应的例证（比如说数学课），而本文只是反复强调这样能够激发，而且很重要，都没有抓住主题句的中心…
To sum up, formal education, with focus (focusing) on students' ability of critical and independent thinking cultivating, will not restrain our minds and spirits. Instead, it will set them free, and educate students to be useful persons.
结尾段很简洁，提倡这种写法。可以再正面反驳一下，说“因此the speaker的观点是不正确的”，呵呵
总的来说，我感觉本文的最大问题在逻辑上，段落的论述没有紧扣主题句，例证不能有效支持观点，论述不够深入，表面化。Issue主要考察逻辑，我想这方面是最应该重视的。语言有一些小小的问题，不过词汇很丰富^_^
作为第一篇，发现问题是主要的，这里很多问题也是我常犯的，在这里，我可没有吝惜我的砖头哦，大家一起努力吧！

kissfireUID: 2137488

昨天晚上又修改了一篇，帮忙看看！

128.It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

outline
1. formal education不会束缚我们的思想。
2. formal education是我们学习的一个有效途径。
3. formal education确实存在它自身的缺点。


As normally used, the so called formal education refers to a constructive and systematical educational system provided or operated by the states. It is also can be provided by privates with the states' certification. Hence, formal education's primary purpose is to replace the empty mind and spirit with an open one, it is unfair to say formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free, though there,in deed, are existing some flaws.

Firstly, formal education has not restrained our minds and spirits, if never. If we retrospect to gigantics in science and technology, there is a clear illustration that all these men, who had achieved glorious reputation, had recieved formal education. Isaac Newton, as one of the greatest physicist and mathematician, had been in university. But there was any constrain that impeded his discoveris-the gravation of the earth and the there motion rules. Also, we can think of Albert Einstein, graduted from college, also advocated the theory of relativity, valued as one of last century's three greatest intellectual revolutions-his theory of relativity, Freud's psychoanalytical method, Keynes's macroeconomics. Not to say Hawking, educated in Cambridge, showed us his full imagination and free spirit about the Black Holes and the origin about time. Formal education gives them a ground plate and starting point to do their researches and make some important breakthroughes, rather than constrain their minds and spirits.


As the effective way to develop ourselves, formal education is an indispensable approach to get this purpose. If our minds and spirits is empty, we can do and appreciate nothing, then restraining our minds and spirits is just a meaningfulless defination. Formal education can provide us some life skills, like logic thinking, reasoning, analysis,creative problem solving, preparing for future job-hunting, and also teach us the spirits of sharing, toleration, tenacity, equility, freedom, and so on. All these life skills and spirits can help us to understand and assimilate the works that had done before by former researchers, and handle the problem whatever may confront in future. Therefore, formal education, by forcing us to accumulate sufficient knowledge, grants our minds and spirits to be free.

Admittedly, formal education, as an unperfect system, has its own flaws. Thus, the government and the learned educator have made a great improvement of our formal education system, ossified curricula and limited resources are still the obstacles that may suppress the students' other talents. The grade system, which to evaluate students' mastering condition of major courses , also has its own negative influences on students' study. Such as, in many elementary and secondary school, students unduely to achieve high scores will inevitably miss the chances to the full development of their personality and character, thus have a narrow scope on problems. All such disadvantages and others we have not mentioned here, which may restrain the development of students in formal education, need our government, institutions of education, and family together to regulate them.

In conclusion, formal education is an effective approach to cultivate ourself. Our minds and spirits will not be restricted by formal education, which, though, in deed has some flaws. It is a practical way.

lijian1985UID: 189477

As normally used, the so called formal education refers to a constructive and systematical educational system provided or operated by the states. It is also can be provided by privates with the states' certification. Hence, formal education's primary purpose is to replace the empty mind and spirit with an open one, it is unfair to say formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free, though there,in deed, are existing some flaws.

Firstly, formal education has not restrained our minds and spirits, if never. If we retrospect to gigantics in science and technology, there is a clear illustration that all these men, who had achieved glorious reputation, had recieved formal education. Isaac Newton, as one of the greatest physicist and mathematician, had been in university. But there was any constrain that impeded his discoveris-the gravation of the earth and the there motion rules. Also, we can think of Albert Einstein, graduted from college, also advocated the theory of relativity, valued as one of last century's three greatest intellectual revolutions-his theory of relativity, Freud's psychoanalytical method, Keynes's macroeconomics. Not to say Hawking, educated in Cambridge, showed us his full imagination and free spirit about the Black Holes and the origin about time. Formal education gives them a ground plate and starting point to do their researches and make some important breakthroughes, rather than constrain their minds and spirits.


As the effective way to develop ourselves, formal education is an indispensable approach to get this purpose. If our minds and spirits is empty, we can do and appreciate nothing, then restraining our minds and spirits is just a meaningfulless defination. Formal education can provide us some life skills, like logic thinking, reasoning, analysis,creative problem solving, preparing for future job-hunting, and also teach us the spirits of sharing, toleration, tenacity, equility, freedom, and so on. All these life skills and spirits can help us to understand and assimilate the works that had done before by former researchers, and handle the problem whatever may confront in future. Therefore, formal education, by forcing us to accumulate sufficient knowledge, grants our minds and spirits to be free.

Admittedly, formal education, as an unperfect system, has its own flaws. Thus, the government and the learned educator have made a great improvement of our formal education system, ossified curricula and limited resources are still the obstacles that may suppress the students' other talents. The grade system, which to evaluate students' mastering condition of major courses , also has its own negative influences on students' study. Such as, in many elementary and secondary school, students unduely to achieve high scores will inevitably miss the chances to the full development of their personality and character, thus have a narrow scope on problems. All such disadvantages and others we have not mentioned here, which may restrain the development of students in formal education, need our government, institutions of education, and family together to regulate them.

In conclusion, formal education is an effective approach to cultivate ourself. Our minds and spirits will not be restricted by formal education, which, though, in deed has some flaws. It is a practical way.

写的很不错，条理很清晰，语言同样很不错，较第一篇来说，很大的进步，呵呵
好像也没什么改的地方了...