argument51 同主题写作 互拍~!

savagettUID: 2134686

The following appeared in a medical newsletter. "Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

我真的再背一点句型了..要不然字数总是很少....


In the letter, the author concludes that whoever suffers from muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment to prevent secondary infections. The comparison between two groups of patients, between which one group takes the antibiotics and the other not, was cited to support the conclusion. However, the finally suggestion is flawed with vague data and wrong comparison.

To begin with, the process of the study is not mentioned at all. From the letter, the conclusion that antibiotics is helpful to treat muscle strain is based on the study of two group of patients. However, there's no more information about selective samples. Are they have the exactly the same symptom? Are their gender, age, medical-history and many other factors are resemble enough for this study? Are the two group of the same sample size? In short, the author fails to offer the background of the study. If the first group are composed of many young boys, and the second is made up of old ladies, than the study is not persuasive at all. Therefore, whether the preliminary results are typical enough to represent the whole is questionable.

Even if the study itself is statistically significant, the comparison can not illustrate that antibiotics is helpful to treat muscle strain. The group under the instruction of a specializes in sports medicine is said to have a quicker recuperation. However, it is entirely possible that DR. Newland is good at treating muscle injuries. Without giving them antibiotics, it could be the same result. Meanwhile, the second grope with longer recuperation, might be due to the side effect of sugar pills and the less professional physician Dr. Alton. So, There's no evidence to indicate that it is a casual relationship between antibiotics and shorter recuperation.

Moreover, the suggestion is too extreme to indicate whoever is diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics. Common knowledge informs us, every patient has different conditions and symptom, it should be advised case by case. Patients may suffer from the fist infections, or they have a light muscle strain. If someone is allergic to antibiotics, he or she should never be suggested to take it. The suggestion is extended to a larger scope.

In sum, the author arbitrarily suggests that everyone should take the same medicine for healing muscle strain. The conclusion is totally based on the less sufficient results. The author should make more detailed research on the study, moreover, all patients should be treated respectively rather than as the author suggests.

plum371UID: 193449

看了你的文章,不是我不认真哦,是真的感觉很难挑刺。

（尽管我觉得有模仿我上一篇的嫌疑哦~~呵呵）

开头结尾都比我强，语言也要流畅些。加油！

jupiterjoyUID: 161688

In the letter, the author concludes that whoever suffers from muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment to prevent secondary infections. The comparison between two groups of patients, between which one group takes the antibiotics and the other not这个有点问题, was cited to support the conclusion. However, the finally finalsuggestion is flawed with vague data and wrong comparison.

To begin with, the process of the study is not mentioned at all. From the letter, the conclusion that antibiotics is helpful to treat muscle strain is based on the study of two groupgroups of patients. However, there's no more information about selective samplessamples selected. Are they have the exactly the same symptom? Are their gender, age, medical-history and many other factors are resemble enough for this study? Are the two group of the same sample size? 这样排着问没问题吗?In short, the author fails to offer the background of the study. If the first group are composed of many young boys, and the second is made up of old ladies, than the study is not persuasive at all. Therefore, whether the preliminary results are typical enough to represent the whole is questionable.

Even if the study itself is statistically significant用reliable好些吧,给的数据挺significant的, the comparison can not illustrate that antibiotics is helpful to treat muscle strain. The group under the instruction of a specializesspecialist in sports medicine is said to have a quicker recuperation. However, it is entirely possible that DR. Newland is good at treating muscle injuries. Without giving them antibiotics, it could be the same result. Meanwhile, the second grope with longer recuperation, might be due to the side effect of sugar pills and the less professional physician Dr. Alton. So, There's no evidence to indicate that it is a casual relationship between antibiotics and shorter recuperation.

Moreover, the suggestion is too extreme to indicate whoever is diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics. Common knowledge informs us, every patient has different conditions and symptom, it指什么 should be advised case by case. Patients may suffer from the fist infections, or they have a light muscle strain. If someone is allergic to antibiotics, he or she should never be suggested to take it. The suggestion is extended to a larger scope.

In sum, the author arbitrarily suggests that everyone should take the same medicine for healing muscle strain. The conclusion is totally based on the less sufficient results. The author should make more detailed research on the study, moreover, all patients should be treated respectively rather than as the author suggests.


我的https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768218260
欢迎狠拍!:handshake
有的地方跟你的挺像

提点意见: 避免拼写错误, 注意语法!

[ 本帖最后由 jupiterjoy 于 2006-3-4 16:12 编辑 ]

savagettUID: 2134686

原帖由 plum371 于 2006-3-4 15:57 发表
看了你的文章,不是我不认真哦,是真的感觉很难挑刺。

（尽管我觉得有模仿我上一篇的嫌疑哦~~呵呵）

开头结尾都比我强，语言也要流畅些。加油！

yada~被发现了~我开始写的时候真的没想到那么多,改了你的再改自己的~

wenyuZUID: 2113611

已经把你的文章拷下来了哦！
我打算最先改你的哈，下午给你贴上来#
有缘有缘有缘呢。
把我的链接也贴过来，希望互相帮助啦、
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768227619
我也是新手，大家多多加油哦



In the letter, the author concludes that whoever suffers from muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment to prevent secondary infections. The comparison between two groups of patients, between between改成in吧？which one group takes the antibiotics and the other not, was cited to support the conclusion. However, the finally suggestion is flawed with vague data and wrong comparison.

To begin with, the process of the study is not mentioned at all不能这样说吧，the process of the study has been demonstrated briefly, though there are not enough sound details evolved….注意措辞啦. From the letter, the conclusion that antibiotics is helpful to treat muscle strain is based on the study of two group of patients. However, there's no more information about selective samples. Are they have the exactly the same symptom? Are their gender, age, medical-history and many other factors are resemble enough for this study? Are the two group of the same sample size? In short, the author fails to offer the background of the study. If the first group are composed of many young boys, and the second is made up of old ladies, thanthen? the study is not persuasive at all. Therefore, whether the preliminary results are typical enough to represent the whole is questionable.段落结构值得学习，说理也完善

Even if the study itself is statistically significant, the comparison can not illustrate that antibiotics is helpful to treat muscle strain. The group under the instruction of a specializesspecialist? in sports medicine is said to have a quicker recuperation. However, it is entirely possible that DR. Newland is good at treating muscle injuries. Without giving them antibiotics, it could be the same result. Meanwhile, the second grope with longer recuperation, might be due to the side effect of sugar pills and the less professional physician Dr. Alton. So, There's no evidence to indicate that it is a casual这个词用得不对吧？你应该是想表示一对一的联系吧？用strict,solo之类的不更明确些吗？ relationship between antibiotics and shorter recuperation.

Moreover, the suggestion is too extreme to indicate whoever is diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics. Common knowledge informs us, every patient has different conditions and symptom, it should be advised case by case. Patients may suffer from the fist infections, or they have a light muscle strain. If someone is allergic toallergic用得好，我就用的是sensitive to，得向你学习哈 antibiotics, he or she should never be suggested to take it. The suggestion is extended to a larger scope.基本还不错哈

In sum, the author arbitrarily suggests that everyone should take the same medicine for healing muscle strain. The conclusion is totally based on the less sufficient resultsless是在和什么比较呢？. The author should make more detailed researchresearches? on the study, moreover, all patients should be treated respectively rather than as the author suggests.

总的来说，文章基本不存在什么硬伤哦。值得学习，说理方面也比较完全，先给出总结句，再给出细节，不错不错。
文笔方面，读起来也挺流畅的。唯一的遗憾是复杂句似乎不突出，词汇方面的推敲也请多注意哦！
我似乎就能给你改那么多了，汗颜！因为个人能力有限哈！
也请你帮我改改哦！

[ 本帖最后由 wenyuZ 于 2006-3-6 16:15 编辑 ]