Argument2 同主题写作:(必回)

dunanUID: 2117260

题目：
The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and house-painting."

翻译：
七年前，临近的Brookville社区的房屋业主采纳了一系列的限制措施来规范该社区的院子该如何来美化以及房屋的外墙该漆上什么颜色。从那时起，Brookville的地产均价翻了三番。为了提高Deerhaven Acres的地产价格，我们应该建立起一套自己的规范美化和上漆的限制措施。

In this argument, the author concluded that unless Deerhaven Acres adopt their own set restrictions on landscaping and house paining can it raise property values, primarily based on the fact that after homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted seven years ago, its average property values have tripled. As discussed below, this argument suffers from some critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly, the author's recommendation relies on the assumption that adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting is the only possible reason for Brookville increasing in average property values. Careful examination reveals that the author fails to consider other possible alternatives to Brookville's tripling its average property from seven years ago.  Such alternatives may include the fact that the traffic conditions, which might be too poor to interest people from other community to live there, was meliorated seven years ago, and the fact that the economic environment in Brookville was very prosperous at the same time such as the fact that kinds of new business had chosen Brookville to locate their factories. In either event, Brookville would attract a multitude of people from nearby community to purchasing house or renting house in Brookville. As a consequence, unless the author take these possibilities into account, we can not accept what the author claims.

Secondly, even if adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting is the direct reason for Brookville's increasing average property, the author's assumption that our town Deerhaven Acres will benefit from the restriction is still logically unsound. Perhaps Brookville is a town that has a lot history interests and beautiful scenery by which many nearby community people or even people from other city or other state can be attracted. To the contrary, Deerhaven Acres might be only a small community that has no advantages to make people from outside come to visit it or even purchase and rent house in order to live there. To the extent that this is the fact, we can not know to what extent Deerhaven Acres will increase its average property values. And at the risk of sounding cold, simply restricting on landscaping and house painting, if conducted inaptly, may even lead to a decreasing of the actual property values.

Thirdly, even if Deerhaven Acres also has the need to adopting its own set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting, the author assumes too hastily that these restrictions will suffice for the purpose. Perhaps additional measures would be required as well. For instance, perhaps Deerhaven Acres would also need to develop the living environment such as the air condition, the quality of water, building some convenient supermarket for residents, and meliorating the traffic conditions by instituting a proper policy. In short, without any evidence that the recommended course of action will be enough to reach the aim that raise property values, the author's conclusion remains dubious at best.

[ 本帖最后由 dunan 于 2006-3-10 22:30 编辑 ]

looflirpaUID: 204752

In this argument, the author concluded that unless Deerhaven Acres adopt their own set restrictions on landscaping and house paining can it raise property values, primarily based on the fact that after homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted a set of...此段复述是不是用the same 措施,更简洁些?seven years ago, its average property values have tripled.你表达的还是先后关系,但很明显作者认为是因果关系,感觉这里写"由于...导致了..."更好,而不是先...后来... As discussed below, this argument suffers from some critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly, the author's recommendation relies on the assumption that adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting is the only possible reason for 用cause of也可Brookville increasingincrease自己就是名词 in average property values. Careful examination reveals that the author fails to consider other possible alternatives to Brookville's tripling its average property from seven years ago.  Such alternatives may include the fact that the traffic conditions, which might be too poor to interest people from other community to live there, was meliorated seven years ago, and the fact that the economic environment in Brookville was very prosperous at the same time such as the fact that kinds of new business had chosen Brookville to locate their factories. In either event, Brookville would attract a multitude of people from nearby community to purchasing house or renting house in Brookville并直接导致房价上涨. As a consequence, unless the author take these possibilities into account, we can not accept what the author claims.
用了好几个fact,最好能替换多种用法,否则连续几个同样的单词效果不好.实在不行,两个例子可分开论述.it is possible that...;it is also possible that...
逻辑没什么问题,但最好论述能归结到房价问题上

Secondly, even if adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting is the direct reason for Brookville's increasing average property, the author's assumption that our town Deerhaven Acres will benefit from the restriction is still logically unsound.个人感觉logically unsound的表达稍嫌含糊 Perhaps Brookville is a town that has a lot history interests and beautiful scenery by which many nearby community people or even people from other city or other state can be attracted. Toon? the contrary,是不是用in/as contrast也可? Deerhaven Acres might be only a small community that has no advantages to makeappeal/attract people from outside come to visit it or even purchase and rent house in order to live there. To the extent that this is the fact,此句-前8词-没明白 we can not know to what extent Deerhaven Acres will increase its average property values. And at the risk of sounding cold, simply restricting on landscaping and house painting, if conducted inaptly, may even lead to a decreasing of the actual property values.

Thirdly, even if Deerhaven Acres also has the need to adopting its own set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting, the author assumes too hastily that these restrictions will suffice for the purpose. Perhaps additional measures would be required as well. For instance, perhaps换一下吧,离前面那个perhaps太近,比如may be Deerhaven Acres would also need to develop the living environment such as the air condition, the quality of water, building some convenient supermarket for residents, and meliorating the traffic conditions by instituting a proper policy. 没另起一行,不知是不是我拷贝过来的缘故In short, without any evidence that the recommended course of action will be enough to reach the aim that raise property values, the author's conclusion remains dubious at best.

字数不少,500+,几个主要逻辑错误-我也就只看到这些-都提到并论证,用他因攻击效果不错.主要建议就是用词的替换,包括原题目里提到的restriction措施什么的,好长的一段,最好能概括一下.还有就是fact/perhaps等词汇,可同义替换,增加一些变化.
个人建议,仅供参考