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lvyan850124UID: 205763

I totally agree with the speaker's assertion that  should be preserved by government publicly in their natural state and actually they have values for human beings despite the fact that these areas are often extremely remote and accessible to only a few people.

As a threshold matter,  will be of mercantile value
Moreover, are valuable for protecting many kinds of endangered species
Last but not the least,  contribute to improve the quality of our natural environment.

[ 本帖最后由 lvyan850124 于 2006-3-31 08:46 编辑 ]

雁之子UID: 2119573

我觉得楼主的第一段有自相矛盾的地方.既然都开发成探险旅游的地方了,那还能算
preserve吗?

wenzz924UID: 2192780

挺不错的，继续努力

lvyan850124UID: 205763

原帖由 雁之子 于 2006-3-22 17:25 发表
我觉得楼主的第一段有自相矛盾的地方.既然都开发成探险旅游的地方了,那还能算
preserve吗?

我是看同主题写作的列的提纲
好像是有些不对 要不我在加一点在保持原风貌的前提下开发?:O

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

I totally agree with the speaker's assertion that wilderness areas should be preserved by government publicly in their natural state and actually they have values for human beings despite the fact that these areas are often extremely remote and accessible to only a few people.(此处交待你只是部分承认作者的assertion，即应该保护“有利用价值的的荒芜之地”)

As a threshold matter, wilderness areas will be of mercantile value if they would(这里用could表示可被开发的能力比较好,而不是单一的一种趋向) be exploited to be the place of traveling(traveling作旅行解释的时候只有形容词,楼主要注意哦) if(if用的不合适)preserved in their natural state. According to a recent survey investigated by a galaxy of Chinese sociologists, nowadays(nowadays是副词,能做前置定语?) young visitors tend to be attracted by places which are remote and inaccessible to most people because they are appealed by exploring new things and obtaining new traveling experiences in these places. Since wilderness areas are places with unique landscape where are accessible to only a few people, they are most suitable to satisfy those young travelers' visiting desire. Therefore, if they are preserved publicly in their natural state, they would show great potential in becoming the resort of young visitors. (这段主要是阐述了这种remote area成为旅游胜地的可能性，也就是其可能具有的价值所在，等于是作者在辨别你的论点和issue原论点的区别)

Moreover, wilderness areas are valuable for protecting many kinds of endangered species because they serve as the habitat(这里当然要加s咯，你的主语是wilderness areas) of these species. Just because they are often inaccessible to most people and thus animals' normal and peaceful life would not be disturbed by humans(此处改成human beings，human不可以加s), wilderness areas serve as the most suited habitats for many different kind of species from birds to amphibians, from reptiles to mammals.(此处排比不错) Among them there(感觉这里的them和there的指代对于下文有歧义) exist many breeds of endangered species

because they depend on these places as the shelters to settle down(shelters就可以了，to settle down是意义上的多余). Since we should spare no effort in protecting endangered species in that the extinction of them would disturb the food chain in nature, which would lead(这里应该是leads) to more species to distinguish and eventually would threaten the living of humankind, government should preserve publicly owned wildness areas to provide suitable habitat(habitats) for them. (这段的意思是remote areas是很多珍稀动物的最后避难所，其生态地位不可替代，个人觉得可以从一些自然灾害，自然现象上扩展以下，不要局限于动物植物身上)

Last but not the least, wilderness areas contribute to improve the quality of our natural environment. The wetland, one kind of wilderness areas, for instance, can improve our natural environment to a large extent. The wetland can absorb torrents before they come to form the flood and thus it could prevent flood. It is also known that the wetland could deter land erosion because the roots of plants living in it are able to fix the land from rushing away by the torrent or cyclone.(说曹操，曹操就到，作者果然下文写到了自然环境问题，不过一个例子单薄了一点，就像你用一个survey说明一个超级大的问题一样，有点证据不充分的感觉) Therefore, wilderness areas own the function of improving our environment and without them human beings will probably face the more terrible(这里应该用 a more terrible才好) natural environment that is more unsuitable for any creature's living.

(这里应该写几个例子加一段，说些反面典型！这样才有说服力！而且字数也上去了，相信不会很难想！这笔你多想几个正面的例子要轻松多了，毕竟现在的状况是环境破坏得厉害！)

In conclusion, though wilderness areas are often extremely remote and accessible to only a few people, I believe they are worthy of (worthy of being preserved才对)preserved publicly by government in their natural state in that they have mercantile value as well as functions of protecting endangered species and improving natural environment. In short, only by preserving public wilderness areas in their natural state human beings could live a better life. (楼主喜欢写长句子，不过不太建议在总结的时候写，让人看起来吃力！呵呵，应该观点鲜明点！)

PS：对不住楼主，我对语言的要求比较高，呵呵，个人认为中国学生应该语言上首先过关，逻辑差点没太大关系，老美都是逻辑白痴！

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

原帖由 雁之子 于 2006-3-22 17:25 发表
我觉得楼主的第一段有自相矛盾的地方.既然都开发成探险旅游的地方了,那还能算
preserve吗?

这个也不一定的说！楼主的意思我这么理解：这些地方被保护，但是没有被开发，去旅游的人都是个人行为，都是探险，所以就不矛盾了！

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

PS：被拍者自觉去re置底的帖子要求给我加积分！

annocquUID: 2127832

乱改～～

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

原帖由 annocqu 于 2006-3-23 08:14 发表
乱改～～

y？