Argument42 修改了几遍，感觉有进步

glxingUID: 2156425

提纲：1，机场旅客增加不代表来旅游, 而且不一定代表总体游客就增加了
         2，人均收入增加不代表经济好
         3，即使好了不一定是ecotourism造成的
         4，即使是它造成的，不一定p也是用
         5，即使p也适用，雇用他的主任不一定合适




TOPIC: ARGUMENT42 - The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra.

"In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellegea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."

To begin with, the speaker cites several evidences to support the assertion that Paraterraof should learn from Bellegea, but close scrutiny reveals that the arguer commit some logical mistakes.

First of all, the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea does not equal with the number of travellers who come to Bellegea for ecotourism. Maybe for them, the airport is just a relay station for--adding fuel for another terminal. Or they come to Bellegea for attending some conferences or some sports games such as the Olmpic Games and the World Cup. Moreover, this is just the number of visitors who travel by air, how about those visitors by ship or train? It is possible that the total number of vistors in Bellegea has decreased since last year.

Secondly, the increase of per capita income does not mean the development of economy, for example,  inflation or decrease of populaton can cause such increase as well, or perhaps the trend of invrease has slowed because of the campaign. Even the lcoal economy does have improved since last year , we cannot contribute the success to the campaign without rulling out other possible factors: the development of industry or the boom of agriculture.  
In addition, the arguer does not tell us whether this campaign is suitable for Paraterra's real condition. If it has not so many  palces of interest as  Bellegea, visitors would not come even the campaign takes place. Furthermore, the arguer failes to mention the condition of environment in Bellegea after this campaign of ecotourism. If the natural environment of Bellegea has been destroyed rather than preserved, then Paraterra had better not adopt such method.

Last but not the  least, even all the assumptions is convincing, the arguer can not get the conclusion that they should  hire the current director of Bellegea as a consultant for the campaign. Firtly, the campaign's success in  Bellegea may be the result of cooperation of many officials rather than the director himself or herself. Secondly, even the director played vital role in the campaign, we could not ensure that he or she can succeed in Paraterra as the director is not familiar with Paraterra possibly.

In sum, the argument is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically  acceptable, the arguer should provide more evidence to support that the campaign is effective in stimulating economy and give sufficient comparison between the two countries to ensure the campaign is suitable for Bellegea. Additionally, we can not belive the director is the best choice for Bellegea's campaign until the arguer give more evidences.

vickeyyyUID: 2106179

To begin with, the speaker cites several evidences to support the assertion that Paraterra[of  typo?] should learn from Bellegea [ to promote the ecotourism 我觉得说清楚一些比较好], but close scrutiny reveals that the arguer commit some logical mistakes.

First of all, the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea does not equal with the number of travelers[travelers] who come to Bellegea for ecotourism. Maybe for them, the airport is just a relay station for--adding fuel for another terminal[好像有点问题，坐飞机来的游客自己本身不用加油吧，呵呵，理解你的意思，你可以直接说中转站，没必要说add fuel]. Or they come to Bellegea for attending some conferences or some sports games such as the Olmpic Games and the World Cup. Moreover, this is just the number of visitors who travel by air, how about those visitors by ship or train? It is possible that the total number of vistors[visitors] in Bellegea has decreased since last year.

Secondly, the increase of per capita income does not mean the development of economy, for example, inflation or decrease of populaton[population] can cause such increase as well, or perhaps the trend of invrease[increase] has slowed because of the campaign. Even the lcoal [local]economy does have improved since last year , we cannot contribute the success to the campaign without rulling [ruling]out other possible factors: the development of industry or the boom of agriculture.  
In addition, the arguer does not tell us whether this campaign is suitable for Paraterra's real condition. If it has not so many  palces[place] of interest as  Bellegea, visitors would not come even the campaign takes place. Furthermore, the arguer failes[fails] to mention the condition of environment in Bellegea after this campaign of ecotourism. If the natural environment of Bellegea has been destroyed rather than preserved, then Paraterra had better not adopt such method.

Last but not the least[大家都喜欢用，呵呵], even all the assumptions is[are] convincing, the arguer can not get the conclusion that they should  hire the current director of Bellegea as a consultant for the campaign. Firtly[firstly], the campaign's success in  Bellegea may be the result of cooperation of many officials rather than the director himself or herself. Secondly, even the director played [a]vital role in the campaign, we could not ensure that he or she can succeed in Paraterra as the director is not familiar with Paraterra possibly.

In sum, the argument is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should provide more evidence to support that the campaign is effective in stimulating economy and give sufficient comparison between the two countries to ensure the campaign is suitable for Bellegea[是Paraterra吧]. Additionally, we can not belive[believe] the director is the best choice for Bellegea[Paraterra]'s campaign until the arguer give more evidences.

[拼写错误多了点。逻辑上还可以，语言还要多练习]
嗬嗬，大家共同进步吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768322136

glxingUID: 2156425

谢谢vickeyyy
自己的拼写错误是多了点，以后一定注意先检查一遍。
我的作文模板痕迹还是比较严重， 自己也想写一些创新性的东西，可是又怕写错了，所以很犹豫，不知道argument要想拿高分是不是应该脱离模板？