第一篇同题写作Topic 5 欢迎来拍!!!!!

nick2005UID: 2133114

topic:
5.A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.


When it comes to talking about building a factory near the community, the citizens in this distinct always have a debate on it, because it will bring some advantages along with some disadvantages. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Cleary, the factory will help to solve the problems of working. As we know, a new factory should not only need some experts but acquire many workers. The leader of this factory will choose workers here because of cost. So many people who lost their work or have no opportunity to find jobs will find work easily here. It is deniable that it will bring more opportunities for us, the citizens in this community, to find jobs.

What’s more, the factory will attract many people to come here including some experts and they will study and live in our community who will rent or buy houses here, undoubtedly, that will increase the price of houses and earth. Most of common people will get benefit from it.

However, there are some disadvantages that it will bring here. The most obvious one is problems the problems of environment. Gas, water and garbage from the factory will pollute the river, air and earth in our community. Another problem is that it will share our facility, which will cause many problems, just like traffic jam.

In sum, although it will bring some disadvantages such as pollution and traffic jam, it is not deniable that it will bring many positive aspects to us. Weighing the disadvantages and advantages, I think the company should be built here and we will benefit a lot from it.

[ 本帖最后由 nick2005 于 2006-4-12 12:31 编辑 ]

nick2005UID: 2133114

留下连接 我必回复

zhdidiUID: 2157621

cleary--->clearly
opportunity--->opportunities
that will increase the price of( houses and earth)觉得别扭
The most obvious one( is problems) the problems of environment












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songofyngwieUID: 2205435

1.As we know, a new factory should not only need some experts but acquire many workers. -------->
Not only a great number of the experts  ,but a  portion of workers ,as is known to us,will be emplyed by the factory .
2.the factory will help to solve the problems of working
改成the factory will contribute to decline the unemployment rate in the local area 似乎更好点
3.另外，garbage在这里应该用复数吧

如有不当，请指正

[ 本帖最后由 songofyngwie 于 2006-4-12 15:31 编辑 ]

nick2005UID: 2133114

谢谢拉

cannylee0621UID: 2177843

distinct  是想说district么/
第一段表达有些苍白 ，ad  disad 用的过于频繁
可以用benefit 和 risk 代替一下。一段里出现同样的词三遍，看着会觉得难受
the factory will help to solve the problems of working
概念问题，工作问题包括范围太广了，应该解决就业问题。
The leader of this factory will choose workers here because of cost.
概念问题，想说就近找工人省钱么？不觉得这句话对支持论点有和帮助。
deniable  这个是怀疑的， 不用置疑的是 undeniable
The most obvious one is problems the problems of environment
问题句。

觉得支撑理由有点少，可以更多的参考例文
另一个建议，文中有无数个，will
建议可以用情态动词表达，
would  could may
这样非绝对化的语气更客观

cannylee0621UID: 2177843

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