我是个有上进心的菜,望大家帮我改下同期作文

xiaobian731UID: 2140176

Nowadays, as the major problem to the development, the significance of the relationship between economy and environment has loomed large in our society. When it comes to my community, I would support to build a large factory in our town. Although someone would doubt that various pollution would be brought from the factory, the truth is that, we would greatly benefit from the factory if we take accurate treatment to the pollution. It can be discussed on the following reasons.

In the first instance, as the direct effect made by the large factory , a large factory would provide many jobs in our community, helping solve the difficulty of finding jobs, especially in this competitive era. Offered by the factory, people would find such steady jobs, be paid by the reasonable salaries, and have more opportunities to achieve work experiences and technology information. All of these factors are helpful to improve local people’ live qualities, even abilities.

Moreover, the related services would be established or improved as the indirect effect from the factory. On one hand, when people have steady pay, they would have more need to satisfy their lives, which causes more economic investment to our community. On the other hand, as the one of the basic condition of the factory, traffic condition in our community would be improved. It would be convenient to our traveling. Whether as the improving economic investment, or convenient traffic condition, would make our community more flourishing.

Pollution, as the main reason that some people oppose to build the factory in our community, would be treated well by the advanced pollution treatment. Furthermore, the contradiction between development and environment would be solved by the scientific and organized methods. Thus these people’ doubt would be eliminated.

In sum, as we discussed these three aspects above the issue, I strongly hold the opinion that with the scientific and organized management, building a large factory here will lead our community to the prosperity in future.

undoerlcUID: 194641

Nowadays, as the major problem to the development, the significance of the relationship between economy and environment has loomed large in our society. When it comes to my community, I would support to build a large factory in our town. Although someone would doubt that various pollution(s) would be brought from (应该是brought in/about from,或者换词be generated, be engendered) the factory, the truth is that, we would greatly benefit from the factory if we take accurate treatment to the pollution. It can be discussed(不用被动) on the following reasons.

In the first instance, as the direct effect made by the large factory , a large factory would provide many jobs(job/working opportunities) in our community, helping solve the difficulty(ies) of finding jobs, especially in this competitive era. Offered(这个缺了宾语) by the factory, people would find such steady jobs, be paid by the reasonable salaries, and have more opportunities to achieve work experiences and technology information.(这句可以自己好好改一下) All of these factors are helpful to improve local people’ live qualities, even abilities.

Moreover, the related services would be established or improved as the indirect effect from the factory. On one hand, when people have steady pay, they would have more need to satisfy their lives(they would be more likely to improve their life qualities), which causes more economic(去掉好了) investment to our community. On the other hand, as the(这个the应该是不要的) one of the basic condition(s) of the factory, traffic condition in our community would be improved. It would be convenient to(for) our traveling. Whether as the improving economic investment, or convenient traffic condition, would make our community more flourishing.( Whether to boost the investments, or to improve our traffic conditions, would apparently boom our community prosperously.)

Pollution, as the main reason that some people oppose to build the factory in our community, would be treated well by the advanced pollution treatment. Furthermore, the contradiction between development and environment would be solved by the scientific and organized methods. Thus these people’ doubt would be eliminated. (个人感觉用下面这个论证论述会比较好些: Some people may argue the pollutions, such as air pollution or noise contamination, which the factory might bring about. However, ......)

In sum, as we discussed these three aspects above the issue, I strongly hold the opinion that with the scientific and organized management, building a large factory here will lead our community to the prosperity in future.(lead to有导致的意思...)

观点树立的不错,都考虑到了,但是语言上还需在上一层楼,LZ可以自己查字典多改,重写来提高语言,提高语言最好还是自己改比较有效果^^

mf1984`UID: 2174556

好的方面不说了
个人感觉：LZ的表达方式不很English，有些词用的不准确。
建议多看些范文，别人没用过的句式最好不要用。个人意见啊，欢迎讨论

xizzhuUID: 2195156

Nowadays, as the major problem to the development, the significance of the relationship between economy and environment has loomed large in our society. When it (指什么, the major problem or the significance?) comes to my community, I would(WHY 虚拟?) support to build a large factory in our town. Although someone would doubt that various pollution would be brought from the factory, the truth is that, we would greatly benefit from the factory if we( the factory should do it) take accurate treatment ( accurate and treatment are not good words here, control might be OK) to the pollution. It can be discussed on the following reasons.

In the first instance, as the direct effect made by the large factory , a large factory would provide many jobs in our community, helping solve the difficulty of( difficulty in ) finding jobs, especially in this competitive era. Offered (?)by the factory, people would find such steady jobs, be paid by the reasonable salaries, and have more opportunities to achieve work experiences and technology information. All of these factors are helpful to improve local people’ live qualities, even abilities.(this is your topic sentence)

Moreover, the related services would be established or improved as the indirect effect from the factory. On one hand, when people have steady pay, they would have more need to satisfy their lives, which causes more economic investment to our community. On the other hand, as the one of the basic condition of the factory, traffic condition in our community would be improved. It would be convenient to our traveling. Whether as the improving economic investment, or convenient traffic condition, would make our community more flourishing.

Pollution, as the main reason that some people oppose to build the factory in our community, would be treated well by the advanced pollution treatment. Furthermore, the contradiction between development and environment would be solved by the scientific and organized methods. Thus these people’ doubt would be eliminated.

In sum, as (we discussed------> discussing) these three aspects above the issue, I strongly hold the opinion that with the scientific and organized management, building a large factory here will lead our community to the prosperity in future.

[ 本帖最后由 xizzhu 于 2006-4-14 12:30 编辑 ]

xizzhuUID: 2195156

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

undoerlcUID: 194641

呵呵,上午重写好了,可以贴连接啦,开心
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

xiaobian731UID: 2140176

谢谢大家,我晚上去看你们的作文,我会重写的,希望大家帮我改改~~~
加油~