Topic 7 同主题第三篇 by czj_swufe

czj_swufeUID: 199954

TOPIC 7 by czj_swufe
How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Words: 346    Time:36(Including outline)
Outline:
1.        To express my opinion.(Every coin has two sides)
2.        The negative influences (sex and violence; virtual world)
3.        The positive influence (release yourself, have a leisure time)
4.        To sum up, it depends.
（已根据楼下几位的建议修改过）
Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, I hold the opinion that there are negative effects as well as positive ones.

Firstly, acts filled with sexy and violent scenes may adversely affect people’s behavior, especially to those young ones. For instance, after watching one film full of violence, the youth are likely to put it into practice. They would think such violence as beating someone who is against you, kicking the beggar who lies on the ground, hungry, and even killing anyone they dislike are nothing but interesting games. What they see is that people who are killed in the film can get killed again in another film if the editor of these films like, however, they may never realize that once a person in the real world is killed, it’s irreversible.

Secondly, the virtual world created by these movies or television may, to some extent, drag people away from the normal state of life. Take the cartoon as an example, when a child is addicted to cartoons, he is probably to forget a series of things, including doing his homework, going for a walk with his parents after dinner, and playing with his friends. He would be so absorbed in the cartoon that he is possibly to be late for school, as he might stay up all night to watch the programs. Thus, the virtual world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.

In fact, with those adverse influences above, movies and television can also be a terrific way to rest oneself. By listening to music from the TV or appreciating some beautiful scenes like flowers, trees, mountains or places of great interest, we can get a leisure time after a whole day’s hard work. I myself will be frequently galvanized by speeches of some famous people on TV when I am overwhelmed with homework. So, the positive aspect of movies or television is also apparent.

To sum up, as every coin has two sides(谁给推荐个名言吧….), the influences of movies or television can be both positive and negative, which is determined by what you watch and your reaction to it.

有拍必回拍，谢谢！;) 下面是WORD版

[ 本帖最后由 czj_swufe 于 2006-4-20 17:53 编辑 ]

czj_swufeUID: 199954

自己顶一下

xiaowenzi118UID: 202887

今天写了再来看吧。
PS：LZ的限时是用笔写的时间还是打的时间呢？

meishenUID: 189284

Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, I hold the opinion that there are negative effects as well as positive ones.这个题目不是A or B的，应该在第一段提出具体的影响 比如：lose their way of the real life， adversely affect youths… …其实只是问有什么影响，并不是问这影响是好是坏！

Firstly, acts filled with sexy and violent scenes may adversely affect people’s behavior, especially to those young ones. For instance, after watching one film full of violence, the youth are likely to put it into practice. They would think such violence as beating someone who against you, kicking the beggar who lies on the ground because of hungry, and even killing anyone they dislike are nothing but interesting games. What they see is that people who are killed in the film can get killed again in another film if the editor of these films like, however, they may never realize that once a person in the real world is killed, it’s permanent.

Secondly, the virtual world these movies or television creates may make people lose their way of the real life to some extent. Take the cartoon as an example, when a child is addicted to cartoons, he is probably to forget a series of things, including doing his homework, going for a walk with his parents after dinner, and playing with his friends. He would be so absorbed in the cartoon that he is possibly to be late for school, as he might stay up all night to watch the programs. Thus, the virtual world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.

Admittedly, with those adverse influences above, movies and television can be a terrific way to rest oneself as well. By listening to music from the TV or appreciating some beautiful scenes like flowers, trees, mountains or places of great interest, we can get a leisure time after a whole day’s hard work. So, the positive aspect of movies or television is also apparent.

To sum up, as every coin has two sides, the influences of movies or television can be both positive and negative, which is determined by what you watch and your reaction to it.

写的很好的！加油！欢迎看看我的！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

[ 本帖最后由 meishen 于 2006-4-20 10:17 编辑 ]

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 meishen 于 2006-4-20 10:16 发表
Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, I hold the opinion that there are negative effects as well as positive o ...

恩，我也感觉我刚开始有点跑题了！谢谢提醒！

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 xiaowenzi118 于 2006-4-20 10:03 发表
今天写了再来看吧。
PS：LZ的限时是用笔写的时间还是打的时间呢？

呵呵，是打的时间...严格算起来笔写可能更长些

zhdidiUID: 2157621

Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, sexy and violent scenes and programs for leisure play different roles.

Firstly, acts filled with sexy and violent scenes may adversely affect people’s behaviors, especially to those young ones. For instance, after watching one film full of violence, the youth are likely to put it into practice. They would think such violence as beating someone who against you缺少谓语吧, kicking the beggar who lies on the ground because of hungry, and even killing anyone they dislike are nothing but interesting games. What they see is that people who are killed in the film can get killed again in another film if the editor of these films like, however, they may never realize that once a person in the real world is killed, it’s permanent.

Secondly, the virtual world these movies or television creates may make people lose their way of the real life to some extent. Take the cartoon as an example, when a child is addicted to cartoons, he is probably to forget a series of things, including doing his homework, going for a walk with his parents after dinner, and playing with his friends. He would be so absorbed in the cartoon that he is possibly to be late for school, as he might stay up all night to watch the programs. Thus, the virtual world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.  

Admittedly, with those adverse influences above, movies and television can be a terrific way to rest oneself as well. By listening to music from the TV or appreciating some beautiful scenes like flowers, trees, mountains or places of great interest, we can get a leisure time after a whole day’s hard work. So, the positive aspect of movies or television is also apparent

To sum up, as every coin has two sides, 用的比较多了the influences of movies or television can be both positive and negative, which is determined by what you watch and your reaction to it.
觉得主题是影响人们的行为，不能说跑题，但觉得有些偏

MellayUID: 2207568

Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, sexy and violent scenes and programs for leisure play different roles.

Firstly, acts filled with sexy and violent scenes may adversely affect people’s behavior, especially to those young ones. For instance, after watching one film full of violence, the youth are likely to put it into practice. They would think such violence as beating someone who against you, kicking the beggar who lies on the ground because of hungry很累赘, and even killing anyone they dislike are nothing but interesting games. What they see is that people who are killed in the film can get killed again in another film if the editor of these films likes, however, they may never realize that once a person in the real world is killed, it’s permanent.（为什么不用irreversible，不是更精确么）|

假设性事例固然可以用来说明结论，但如果reasoning强一点，说服力就更强，感觉就是论证展开不够。

Secondly, the virtual world these movies or television creates may make people lose their way of the real life（意思指代不明，看了后文才知道你要说什么） to some extent.（主语很长，可以这样写显得更有错落：the virtual world created by these movies or television may, to some extent, drag people away from the normal state of life.） Take the cartoon as an example, when a child is addicted to cartoons, he is probably to forget a series of things, including doing his homework, going for a walk with his parents after dinner, and playing with his friends. He would be so absorbed in the cartoon that he is possibly to be late for school, as he might stay up all night to watch the programs. Thus, the virtual world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.（末句总结很好，简洁有力）


Admittedly, with those adverse influences above, movies and television can be a terrific way to rest oneself as well（您这里的as well比较神奇，terrific如果理解为好，那怎么叫as well，您前一句在讲不好啊，何况admittedly暗示下文转折，这个词用的也不很对）. By listening to music from the TV or appreciating some beautiful scenes like flowers, trees, mountains or places of great interest, we can get a leisure time after a whole day’s hard work. So, the positive aspect of movies or television is also apparent.（好处显得展开不够，如果能说两点的话会比较丰满）

To sum up, as every coin has two sides, （这句话被用滥了，就别再用了，建议去背些名人名言）the influences of movies or television can be both positive and negative, which is determined by what you watch and your reaction to it.

条理很清楚，句子也算不错的，只是一些用词的accuracy还不甚完美，另外个人觉得think,see这类词多用无义，大家都用，就会形同important，没什么新意了。

我也贴了片文，就在t互助小组第13组的twe专用帖里，有空的话赐教一二吧，多谢

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 zhdidi 于 2006-4-20 15:23 发表
Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, sexy and violent scenes and programs for leisure play different roles.
...

谢谢，我刚开始就分析影响了，没讲到怎么影响了，审题有误呵呵。

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 Mellay 于 2006-4-20 17:12 发表
Movies and television have been widely used through out the world. When it comes to their influences on people’s behaviors, sexy and violent scenes and programs for leisure play different roles.
...

谢谢您的建议，受益颇多！总结如下：用词有点乏味，名言无所积累（解决办法，看范文！背名句！）
               事实展开不够（解决办法，学习深入论证...不过就有点象GRE机考了）
               确保思路条理清晰的基础上注意文章结构，最后再注意用语，这是我写作文考虑的主要方面。
   再次感谢，我现在就来看看你的:handshake

allisonUID: 192807

sexy and violent scenes and programs ---->应加个sexy and violent scenes and programs in televisions
it’s-->it is
Thus, the virtual world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandoned by him.
--->while the real world is abandoned by him.

第三段好，比较顺畅
其它的注意一下简炼，每句话都有它的作用会更好

希望帮我看看
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 allison 于 2006-4-20 17:41 发表
sexy and violent scenes and programs ---->应加个sexy and violent scenes and programs in televisions
it’s-->it is
Thus, the virtual world strongly attracts him, the real world is abandone ...

谢谢，很实际！:rolleyes:

xiaowenzi118UID: 202887

原帖由 czj_swufe 于 2006-4-19 18:44 发表
TOPIC 7 by czj_swufe
How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Words: 346    Time:36(Including outline)
Outline:
1.        T ...

好像和我的理解不太一样。问的是用什么方法来影响人们的行为吧。How？
我觉得用positive和negative这种分类不太恰当。:mad:
可以把第一段改一下，按方法分类。
建议参考一下同主题列出来的提纲。

[ 本帖最后由 xiaowenzi118 于 2006-4-20 18:27 编辑 ]

MellayUID: 2207568

原帖由 xiaowenzi118 于 2006-4-20 18:25 发表


好像和我的理解不太一样。问的是用什么方法来影响人们的行为吧。How？
我觉得用positive和negative这种分类不太恰当。:mad:
可以把第一段改一下，按方法分类。
建议参考一下同主题列出来的提纲。

其实这样写也不是不可以，不过大家思路被那些作文分类框定了，觉得偏题
解决方法么，可以把最后一段写成多论点总结式，或者新观点提出型，这样
和标准结构的偏离相对没那么明显。

另外，那个名句，我看就用since such an issue stirs up controversy，或者就
it's hard to decide whether these media are blessings or curses
不过都不是名言，我自随便想的，凑合着用

czj_swufeUID: 199954

原帖由 xiaowenzi118 于 2006-4-20 18:25 发表


好像和我的理解不太一样。问的是用什么方法来影响人们的行为吧。How？
我觉得用positive和negative这种分类不太恰当。:mad:
可以把第一段改一下，按方法分类。
建议参考一下同主题列出来的提纲。

我改后的好象在刚开始修正了这个拉，WORD里那个是有问题的啊