同期写作第3期，请大家赐教，一定回拍！谢谢！

meishenUID: 189284

Topic  7



Television and movies now have become one of the most essential elements of our daily lives. They provide news and entertainments to us and maybe the easiest way to obtain information at present. Undoubtedly, television and movies have widely influence on our behavior. The promotion of globalization, the aesthetic standard, and the custom of getting message are the three most important aspects of the influence that mass media give us.

Firstly, from television and movies, we can know many incidents and the different views about them, and that promotes the globalization. The television stations all over the world broadcast almost all kinds of news, such as, domestic news, international news, sports news, entertainment news, economic news and so on. You can get whatever you want to know. We watch the same movie, listen to the same music, talk about the same topic, and these shorten the distances between people in different countries or regions. For instance, I am a movie fan. My favorite is American movies which produced in Hollywood, like The God Father, The Legends of the fall, Brave Heart, and Titanic. By watching these movies I found that I understand American people better than ever before.

Television and movies make us to be accustomed to get information from pictures more and more. Since books were the main source of spreading knowledge and information, we used to be accustomed to reading. But television changed this custom. Many people like watching television rather than reading books or newspapers. And only after the adaptation to movie scriptures do a number of literature works became well known.

Moreover, our aesthetic standards are always influenced by the images appearing in movies and television. Teenagers adore movies stars very much. And they also mock their idols’ hair styles, clothes, words and actions. They may think some thing are beautiful, only for a television star’s advertisement.

In conclusion, television and movies impact human behavior in many aspects. We should utilize the positive impacts, while get rid of the negative ones or minimize them.

[ 本帖最后由 meishen 于 2006-4-19 21:52 编辑 ]

meishenUID: 189284

DING!

czj_swufeUID: 199954

Television and movies now have become one of the most essential elements of our daily lives. They provide news and entertainments to us and maybe the easiest way to obtain information at present这句似乎有点言过其实. Undoubtedly, television and movies have widely influence on our behavior. The promotion of globalization, the aesthetic standard, and the custom of getting message are the three most important aspects of the influence that mass media give us.
Firstly, from television and movies, we can know many incidents and the （去掉）different views about them, and that 指代的是前面句子吗？如果是，把and that 改成which可能会好些）promotes the globalization. The television stations all over the world broadcast almost all kinds of news, such as, （这里逗号好象不用的）domestic news, international news, sports news, entertainment news, economic news and so on. You can get whatever you want to know. We watch the same movie, listen to the same music, talk about the same topic, and these （which--这里做定语从句主语，不能省）shorten the distances between people in different countries or regions. For instance, I am a movie fan. My favorite is American movies which （are）produced in Hollywood, like The God Father, The Legends of the fall, Brave Heart, and Titanic. By watching these movies I found that I understand American people better than ever before.
Television and movies make us to be (be)accustomed to get information from pictures more and more. Since books were the main source of spreading knowledge and information, we used to be accustomed to reading. But television changed this custom. Many people like watching television rather than reading books or newspapers. And only after the adaptation to movie scriptures do (can)a number of literature works became well known
Moreover, our aesthetic standards are always influenced by the images appearing in movies and television. Teenagers adore movies stars very much. And they also mock their idols’ hair styles, clothes, words and actions. They may think some thing are beautiful, only for a television star’s advertisement.

In conclusion, television and movies impact human behavior in many aspects. We should utilize the positive impacts, while get rid of the negative ones or minimize them

楼主内容很充实，但是感觉有一定程度语法错误（文中已标出）
请教一个问题：楼主字数这么多，请问是在30分钟左右完成的吗？我一直超时7-8分钟，请教楼主控制时间方法，谢谢

meishenUID: 189284

定！

susan8940UID: 160449

怎么感觉楼主有点走题了？
topic是how to influence
楼主的侧重点是不是what influence they have?
请牛牛指点下

我的，请楼主指教啊 :)
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

xinxinwUID: 2144273

Television and movies now have have  now更顺一些become one of the most essential elements of our daily lives. They provide news and entertainments to us and maybe the easiest way to obtain information at present. Undoubtedly, television and movies have widely influence 语法错on our behavior. The promotion of globalization, the aesthetic standard, and the custom of getting message are the three most important aspects of the influence that mass media give us.
Firstly, from television and movies, we can know many incidents and the different views about them, and that promotes the globalization. The television stations all over the world broadcast almost all kinds of news, such as, domestic news, international news, sports news, entertainment news, economic news 改成news concerning sports, ...省得那么多news连续出现and so on. You can get whatever you want to know. We watch the same movie, listen to the same music, talk about the same topic, and these shorten the distances between people in different countries or regions. For instance, I am a movie fan. My favorite is American movies which are produced in Hollywood, like The God Father, The Legends of the fall, Brave Heart, and Titanic. By watching these movies I found that I understand American people better than ever before.
Television and movies make us to be 语法错accustomed to get information from pictures more and moremore and more accustomed 更好些. Since books were the main source of spreading knowledge and information, we used to be accustomed to reading. But television changed this custom. Many people like watching television rather than reading books or newspapers. And only after the adaptation to movie scriptures do (can)a number of literature works became well known
Moreover, our aesthetic standards are always influenced by the images appearing in movies and television. Teenagers adore movies stars very much. And they also mock their idols’ hair styles, clothes, words and actions. They may think some thing are beautiful, only for a television star’s advertisement.

总的来讲，lz的文章观点比较新颖，尤其是全球化的观点。但是组织得有点乱，而且论述得不够深入。第一段应该从文化传播上考虑，没有直接点出来。另外第一段关于电视里什么信息都有的材料用在第二段更合适。第三段没有说明电视里面能够获得书本里面的知识。

语言上简单句偏多，复杂句好像只用到了定语从句。
上述纯属个人意见。

Here is mine
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

sweetpuppyUID: 2191281

原帖由 meishen 于 2006-4-19 21:35 发表
Topic  7



Television and movies now have become one of the most essential elements of our daily lives. They provide news and entertainments to us and maybe t ...

我觉得结尾有些跑题，因为文章中并未说出哪些是不利的，哪些是有利的。 当然结尾需要将文章升华，但是我认为应该升华的恰到好处，尽量不要脱离原文。一点意见哈:$

meishenUID: 189284

谢谢大家，加油！

yz2274464UID: 2174140

用不同颜色修改好的文章，却不知如何粘贴到回复栏里，复制时作的颜色标记全消失了，所以发个附件。如果方便那位可否告知如何把修改好的文章完整地粘贴上来？


我的请指正https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 yz2274464 于 2006-4-25 19:29 编辑 ]