第四期同主题topic14。。。请大家多多帮忙。。。记得留下连接

DidoyUID: 2181213

14
As far as I know, nowadays, university students often complain that why they should have some boring classes or why they cannot study alone if they don’t like the professors or the assignments they require. Someone even put their opinions about this on their blog in order to appeal more students to suggest that going to classes should be optional for students. However, as for me, I do support the traditional pattern that university students should be required to attend classes. Because they can learn more knowledge from teachers, they can study mutually, and the university will be in order if students all go to their classes.

First, no matter how boring the classes are, students must admit that the professors have more achievements and know more than them. They can easily get the essential parts through the classes. Moreover, they can have opportunity to communicate with the professors, which indicates they can solve their problems with ease. That is one reason why I believe students should attend classes.

Next, as we all know, if students go to classes, they will meet many other ones who study the same course. Because they have the same goal and interest, they can talk with each other without an obstacle. They can share the problems they meet in classes; they can share good study experience mutually; they can share study spirit to help the disappointed. Furthermore, they will learn how to cooperate with others through this way of study.

Finally, it is the university’s discipline that each student should go to classes. Imagine that all the students attend classes at their pleasure, what will the university be? Like a park or maybe a public place of entertainment? As it is so often pointed out, school spirit plays a significant role in each university.

To sum up, according to all these reasons, such as obtaining more knowledge from professors, studying with classmates and making the university in order, it is beyond exception that students should be required to attend classes.
337words

扁舟子001UID: 204048

我觉得你的思路很清楚的。
Like a park or maybe a public place of entertainment? 这句感觉有点不太好。我知道你要表达的意思，但是感觉前后衔接不好。

vigilwangUID: 203758

They can easily get the essential parts through the classes.  get要少用，意思含糊
many other ones 直接说many others吧
they can talk with each other without an obstacle.  without an obstacle有点中士，换个副词比较好

还有就是来点具体的例子比较好

我的，欢迎拍砖：）
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

DidoyUID: 2181213

谢谢楼上两位的帮助。具体的例子还要具体到什么程度呢？
比如说我的Next这一段用了They can share the problems they meet in classes; they can share good study experience mutually; they can share study spirit to help the disappointed.这样的不算具体例子么？

DidoyUID: 2181213

请大家看看they can talk with each other without an obstacle，我想表达的意思是他们可以没有障碍的交流。。。怎么样可以表达得好一点呢？they can talk with each other smoothly?这样行不行呢？。。。。。
请各位指教

DidoyUID: 2181213

自己顶一下。。。期待更多的帮助。。。谢谢

loiswtfUID: 2177029

似乎可以啊呵呵
Finally, it is the university’s discipline that each student should go to classes. Imagine that all the students attend classes at their pleasure, what will the university be? Like a park or maybe a public place of entertainment? As it is so often pointed out, school spirit plays a significant role in each university.
这一段也应该用例子，说明怎么discipline student 的，后面的school spirit 也不明确啊，而且前面的设问（反问）有点中国化，且somehow extremely.:)

夜一UID: 2130338

我觉得可以用一些增强语气的方法，也许会有好的效果
比如
First, no matter how boring the classes are, students must admit that the professors have more achievements and know more than them.
改作
First, students must admit that the professors have more achievements and know more than them, no matter how boring the classes are.
因为西方人比较喜欢直接的说话方式，什么比较重要就把什么放在前面，跟东方人略微有点不同
后面的
Next, as we all know, if students go to classes, they will meet many other ones who study the same course.
不妨改成
Next, students can meet many other ones who study the same course if they go to class.
还有
Finally, it is the university’s discipline that each student should go to classes.
改作
Finally, students should go to classes according to the university’s discipline.
当然如果楼主不同意的话就持保留意见吧

DidoyUID: 2181213

原帖由 夜一 于 2006-4-28 23:35 发表
我觉得可以用一些增强语气的方法，也许会有好的效果
比如
First, no matter how boring the classes are, students must admit that the professors have more achievements and know more than them.
改作
F ...

谢谢夜一给我改的。。。特别感谢你发现了一个我写了那么多篇作文以来自己一直没有发现的问题。确实，西方人会把重要的东西放在前面，虽然我知道，但是一直以来都没有运用到自己的文章中去，实在感谢！
对于最后一句，我不是很苟同，因为it is...that...是强调句，这样不是更能突出university decipline 的存在以及其重要性么？

DidoyUID: 2181213

原帖由 loiswtf 于 2006-4-28 22:44 发表
似乎可以啊呵呵
Finally, it is the university’s discipline that each student should go to classes. Imagine that all the students attend classes at their pleasure, what will the university be? Like ...

这一段没有用例子，一方面是时间不够了，另一方面是我觉得论证应该是有详有略的，如果每一段都有繁杂的例子，会不会很累赘呢？
还有就是那个设问（反问）Imagine that all the students attend classes at their pleasure, what will the university be? Like a park or maybe a public place of entertainment?已经有两位对这一句提出疑问了。怎么样才算不中国化呢？我觉得这句话没有中国化呀。如果照扁舟子说的衔接不好，或许可以改成Imagine that all the students attend classes at their pleasure, what will the university be? A park or maybe a public of entertainment? 这样行不行呢？我不知道其中国化表现在什么地方。。。
请大家指点