topic 143

mysteryfigureUID: 2184551

Topic 143
As a student, I regard a long span of summer vacation to be one of the most important periods throughout a school year. It is such a long vacation that makes it possible for me to accomplish several annual necessities. However, one of my friend, Bob, studying at another school ,keeps complaining about his lack of a long vacation. His school offers dozens of short vacations instead of a long one, which not only makes him unable to do something essential as I can but also affects his academic performance.

A long vacation is important for the students from other countries or province since they need adequate time to go home each year. Tony, one of my classmates, whose parents live two thousand miles away from our campus, takes advantage of the three-month vacation our school offers to visit his parents yearly, so the long vacation appears to be rather precious for him. Were not for such a long vacation, it would be of no probability for him to go home and enjoy the time with parents’ company.

Such a long vacation is also indispensable for me because it provides me an opportunity to make fun and have long-term entertainment, which cannot be sustained by even ten short vacations. I usually spend my long vacation going traveling at some scenic spots all over the world or relaxing myself at serene countryside since all above are activities costing a whole month or more. I fail to see how could a two-day short vacation make possible such attractive amusement and experience.

I argue for a long vacation on the base of science research, too. A research carried out in 1985 by Professor Sooth at Hurricane University, Saint James, proved that human’s working efficiency had a lot to do with the temperature of the circumstance in which he or she undergoes. Work finished at or above 30 degrees Celsius proves to be reduced by 30% in comparison with that done at average temperature. So it is fervently advised to avoid heavy working or studying at scorching days. The vacation offered by our school evades June, July and August in which working efficiency stays at its lowest point, thus how could we look on a long holidays as meaningless and dispensable?

In general, I support the idea of a long vacation each year. It is sure that a long vacation will do great benefit to us students.

mysteryfigureUID: 2184551

终于把字数写到可以松口气的程度了，不过代价是词汇句式的多样性大打折扣，虽然昨看到一篇同主题佳作受打击不小，不过由于再三还是把它贴出来经受炮轰，望大家狠狠地轰啊

mysteryfigureUID: 2184551

自己顶

mysteryfigureUID: 2184551

大家来看啊

lanccyUID: 2156906

However, one of my friend,--->By contrast

Tony, one of my classmates, whose parents live two thousand miles away from our campus, takes advantage of the three-month vacation our school offers to visit his parents yearly, so the long vacation appears to be rather precious for him.
句式很多样啊，插入语，从句都有了

Were not for such a long vacation, it would be of no probability for him to go home and enjoy the time with parents’ company.---> it would be of no possibility for him to go home and enjoy the time with his parents.
虚拟，很不错，发现你很经常用，学习！

which cannot be sustained by even ten short vacations.--->which cannot be surpassed by even ten short vacations added up together
sustain用在这里什么意思？

scenic spots 你确定这样表达没错吗？

evades June, July and August --->covers June, July and August

一个建议：第一段立论的时候不用举出例子，这样感觉不够professional and objective

mysteryfigureUID: 2184551

scenic spots 印象中有这样的表达法
sustain在这里表示支持前述的活动，自我感觉没有问题:confused:
added up together 改得太好了
谢谢。

我还是觉得本文的词汇不行