issue51 [加州阳光]第一次作业

hjl-0000UID: 2217681

附:提纲
1.        教育不可能满足所有人的需求
2.        有些基础的东西是重要的,不管喜欢与否都的学
3.        人不可能任意发展自己的兴趣而不考虑客观因素
4.        另一方面也应该注意尽量满足大多数学生的需求
Issue 51
How to improve education is always a problem all over the world. And there are many suggestions. One of these suggestions is that education will be truly effective only
when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. However, I may not completely agree with that opinion.
   First, education can’t wholly meet the needs and interests of each student. On the base of every one’s difference and school’s relative uniform, the education could just meet most people’s needs. And the rest will have to find other ways to satisfy their wants.
   Second, some courses are so important that no matter you like it or not you should learn them. A case in point is math. Math is a difficult but useful subject. Image what
your life will be like if you don’t know or know little about it. Things will be bad. You go shopping but you didn’t know if the charge is right. You introduce something to someone you may not actually describe it without math knowledge. The most terrible thing is that without the math knowledge you can’t study physics and things like that even if you severely want to study them. Another good example is language. Person whose language is bad can’t communicate with other people very well. That will restrain your
improvement. People who want to improve must firstly be admitted by others. And to be admitted by others you have to express your ideas clearly and communicate with other people freely. So, we can see that how important the language is.
   Third, there is a fact that whoever you were you can’t do every thing you like freely. Because no matter where you were you will consider many things. Take study for example, if you study what you like and don’t study what you dislike you may find it hard to find a job. Then, what support you to live. So, sometimes you can develop your interests and take them as avocational but not consider it to be your most important thing.
  Nevertheless, education should actually reform to adapt to the student’s tastes. Take college students for example, some one want to find a job after graduate while others may prefer to study further. For the first group, they may want to learn more information about computer and study more things about practice. For the second group, they may want to study things about their specifics and the improvement of it. So, with their different purpose, the school can’t treat them without difference. What’s more important is that if the course is attractive to the students, he will actively study it and study it well. Then, the education will prove to be successful.
   Let the students learn some basic courses which are very important after they leave school. At the same time, treat the students differently and satisfy most needs of theirs. Do things above, the education will be more effective.

[ 本帖最后由 hjl-0000 于 2006-6-3 16:07 编辑 ]

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发帖格式不对，请修改

biggestmouseUID: 2218003

附:提纲
1.        教育不可能满足所有人的需求
2.        有些基础的东西是重要的,不管喜欢与否都的学
3.        人不可能任意发展自己的兴趣而不考虑客观因素
4.        另一方面也应该注意尽量满足大多数学生的需求
Issue 51
How to improve education is always a problem all over the world. And there are many suggestions. One of these suggestions is that education will be truly effective only
when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. However, I may not completely agree with that opinion.
   First, education can’t wholly meet the needs and interests of each student. On the base of every one’s difference and school’s relative uniform, the education could just meet most people’s needs. And the rest will have to find other ways to satisfy their wants.(这段写的不仅单薄,而且句式用词让我无法读懂,尤其是: 'On the base of every one’s difference and school’s relative uniform'是什么意思?)
   Second, some courses are so important that no matter you like it or not you should learn them( 改为you should learn them no matter you are interested in it or not). A case in point is math. Math is a difficult but useful subject(A case in point is math which is a difficult but useful subject.). Image what your life will be like(这个like是不是应该删掉) if you don’t know or know little about it. Things will be bad. You go shopping but you didn’t know if the charge is right. You introduce something to someone （and）you may not actually describe it without math knowledge. The most terrible thing is that without the math knowledge you can’t study physics and things(subjects) like that even if you severely want to study them. Another good example is language which is significant in the communication with others. Person whose language is bad can’t communicate with other people very well. That will restrain your improvement.One with bad communication skills will be restrained in the improvement of personal capacities nowadays People who want to improve must firstly be admitted by others. And to be admitted by others you have to express your ideas clearly and communicate with other people freely. So, we can see that how important the language is本句删掉，理由：本段重点不是语言的重要性。.
   Third, there is a fact that whoever you were you can’t do every thing you like freely. Because no matter where you were you will consider many things. Take study for example, if you study what you like and don’t study what you dislike you may find it hard to find a job. Then, what support you to live. So, sometimes you can develop your interests and take them as avocational but not consider it to be your most important thing.本段与你的观点的关系不大，应该换个角度重新写。
  Nevertheless, education should actually reform to adapt to the student’s tastes. Take college students for example, some one want to find a job after graduate while others may prefer to study further. For the first group, they may want to learn more information about computer and study more things about practice. For the second group, they may want to study things about their specifics and the improvement of it. So, with their different purpose, the school can’t treat them without difference. What’s more important is that if the course is attractive to the students, he will actively study it and study it well. Then, the education will prove to be successful.本段应该在开头写，因为你论证重点是反驳。像你现在的文章架构让人觉得头重脚轻！
   Let the students learn some basic courses which are very important after they leave school. At the same time, treat the students differently and satisfy most needs of theirs. Do things above, the education will be more effective.没有包括你的全部观点
修改总结：论证不够深入而且不能紧密联系你的观点，结构需要调整。短句过多而显得罗嗦！
水平有限，见谅：）

hjl-0000UID: 2217681

刚开始准备作文不久
范文也没看过几篇
急啊
最近的加紧看了

谢谢你的中肯建议