issue130 没找到组织,互改啊大家,砖头你来啊

paburawUID: 2204657

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
POSITION：孩子的社会化对社会的发展很重要，但是作者忽略了其他的问题，而且我们的社会已经发生很大的变化。
1 孩子的社会化对社会的发展确实很重要
2 除了社会化还有许多其他因素对社会的发展起作用
3 我们的社会已经在发展了


Children is the future of our society and managers of our society, how to educate them determine the orientation of our society. I would agree that teaching children to socialize plays an important role in education, but the speaker overstates socialization's emphasis to our society.  Besides, our world is quickly improving, most of people would agree with that, I think we have already found certain way to raise our children to make them enable to construct a wonderful future for themselves, although at the same time our society is fraught with kinds of problems.

First of all, there is no doubt that our society needs child to be socialized, and socialization is realistic a point to make society improve. It is hardly impossible for someone to survive without contacting with others. Without communication our society might have no progress. You can image that if scientists do research only for their own interests, and can satisfy enough with the process of the research, so it is possible that their discoveries might be never published, or perhaps what they do is harmful to our society. How you can say that he worth praise despite the discoveries he found is so initiative. Furthermore, nowadays, nor do any researcher can work alone, such as Human Genome Project has been accomplished by several labs in different countries, and relational information collected from a large variety of nations. What we can learn from HGP lesson is that without associate with others, such a wonderful project cannot be achieved. To be socialization means to be collaborate, to be comprehended. Since we live in a more and more global world, and inevitable to contact with someone else, it is so important for us to intent to develop socialization of ourselves. As for this goal, school can make sense. Crowding so many peers, the school is regarded to provide an environment as a little society, where we can learn how to make friends, how to corporate with others. In short, high levels of socialization of our children can help them for their future in managing our society.

Although socialization is so important, I think that the speaker overstates socialization by claiming that it determines the orientation of our society. As we know, the improvement of a society is due to a quite large number of causes, such as high levels of morals, improvement of science and technology, education of new generations and so forth. Consider the community of Native Americans, which can be regarded as a well development society, most of the members comply with the rules of their own tribe. In the tribe every member is well socialized, such as they hunt together and share preys, discuss to determine the important affairs. Why their society does not develop as quickly as most other societies? Plainly, they lack of other attributes, for example, science and technology, without these attributes, depending on well socialized members, they never manage to develop their society. Thus, except socializing our children, education should also to teach them science, art, philosophy, etc.

Finally, as we can see, our society is improving quickly, in my view, our society now is already a better society and also have possibilities to be better. Today our society is more tolerative and open to receive opinions from diverse groups of the population. Racial segregation, for example, although still exist, has alleviated a great degree. Besides, due to the development of communication facilities, it even more social than before, people whenever and wherever can make contact with others, through internet.
To sum, many aspects working on the development of our society, except socializing our children. Through acquiring these abilities during education in school, we can then improve our society.

susan8940UID: 160449

Children is the future of our society and managers(the future and managers) of our society, how to educate them determine the orientation of our society. I would agree that teaching children to socialize plays an important role in education, but the speaker overstates socialization's emphasis(function) to our society.  Besides, our world is quickly improving, most of people would agree with that, I think we have already found certain way to raise our children to make them enable to construct a wonderful future for themselves, although at the same time our society is fraught with kinds(lots) of problems.

First of all, there is no doubt that our society needs child(children) to be socialized, and socialization is realistic(indeed) a point to make society improve. It is hardly impossible(possible) for someone to survive without contacting with others. Without communication our society might have no progress. You can image that if scientists do research only for their own interests, and can satisfy enough with the process of the research, so it is possible that their discoveries might be never published, or perhaps what they do is harmful to our society.(觉得这句可以从另一方面来论证,如果科学家不相互联系,比如不看国际的文献,他们研究的东西可能已经被研究过了,从而浪费时间金钱,影响社会进步的速度.另一方面,很多东西只有与同行接触探讨太能获得更深的认识和灵感.) How you can say that he worth praise despite the discoveries he found is so initiative.(这句可以不要) Furthermore, nowadays, nor do(hardly can) any researcher can work alone, such as Human Genome Project has been accomplished by several labs in different countries, and relational information collected from a large variety of nations. What we can learn from HGP lesson is that without associate(association) with others, such a wonderful project cannot be achieved.(这个例子举的很好!) To be socialization means to be(去掉) collaborate, to be comprehended. Since we live in a more and more global world(since the world seems to become more and more small with the help of telecommunications), and inevitable to contact with someone else, it is so important for us to intent to develop socialization of ourselves. As for this goal, school can make sense. Crowding so many peers, the school is regarded to provide an environment as a little society, where we can learn how to make friends, how to corporate with others. In short, high levels of socialization of our children can help them for their future in managing our society.(后面可以强调下,所以,教育孩子社会化,懂得与人相处是十分重要的)

Although socialization is so important, I think that the speaker overstates socialization by claiming that it determines the orientation of our society. As we know, the improvement of a society is due to a quite large number of causes, such as high levels of morals, improvement of science and technology, education of new generations and so forth. Consider the community of Native Americans, which can be regarded as a well development society, most of the members comply with the rules of their own tribe. In the tribe every member is well socialized, such as they hunt together and share preys, discuss to determine the important affairs. Why their society does not develop as quickly as most other societies? Plainly, they lack of other attributes, for example, science and technology, without these attributes, depending on well socialized members, they never manage to develop their society. Thus, except socializing our children, education should also to teach them science, art, philosophy, etc.

Finally, as we can see, our society is improving quickly, in my view, our society now is already a better society and also have possibilities to be better. Today our society is more tolerative and open to receive opinions from diverse groups of the population. Racial segregation, for example, although still exist, has alleviated a great degree. Besides, due to the development of communication facilities, it even more social than before, people whenever and wherever can make contact with others, through internet.

To sum, many aspects working(work) on the development of our society, except(besides) socializing(the socialization of) our children. Through(by) acquiring these abilities during education in school, we(children) can then(or latter) improve our society.
与socialization同等重要的是不是比如学术上认真钻研探索,工作上敬业,人品高尚等等很多.社会化也就是社交的能力只是其中的一种,它固然很重要(在第一段已论述),但其它方面也不可缺,甚至更重要.比如爱因斯坦,not so good at socialization,但有什么好奇心探索欲什么的,对世界发展作出极大贡献.(第二段已论述).第三段我们社会已经在进步,表明我们有能力以及正在进行对下一代的社会化的教育,可以举点例子,比如他们比以前有更多与同辈或长辈交流的机会.比如internet,出国留学等.

joey.liuUID: 2207101

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
POSITION：孩子的社会化对社会的发展很重要，但是作者忽略了其他的问题，而且我们的社会已经发生很大的变化。
1 孩子的社会化对社会的发展确实很重要
2 除了社会化还有许多其他因素对社会的发展起作用
3 我们的社会已经在发展了

Children is the future and managers of our society, how to educate them determines the orientation of our society. I would agree that teaching children to socialize plays an important role in education, but the speaker overstates socialization's emphasis to our society.  Besides, our world is quickly improving, most (去of) people would agree with that, I think we have already found certain way to raise our children to (make them) enable them to construct a wonderful future for themselves, although at the same time our society is fraught with kinds of problems.

First of all, there is no doubt that our society needs children to be socialized, and socialization is realistic a point to make society improve. It is hardly impossible (possible) for someone to survive without contacting with others. Without communication our society might have no progress. You can image(imagine) that if scientists do research only for their own interests, and can satisfy enough with the process of the research, so it is possible that their discoveries might be never published, or perhaps what they do is harmful to our society. How you can say that he worth praise despite the discoveries he found is so initiative. Furthermore, nowadays, nor do any researcher can work alone, such as Human Genome Project has been accomplished by several labs in different countries, and relational information collected from a large variety of nations. What we can learn from HGP lesson is that without associate with others, such a wonderful project cannot be achieved. To be socialization (socialized) means to be collaborate, to be comprehended. Since we live in a more and more global world, and inevitable to contact with someone else, it is so important for us to intent to develop socialization of ourselves. As for this goal, school can make sense. Crowding so many peers, the school is regarded to provide an environment as a little society, where we can learn how to make friends, how to corporate with others. In short, high levels of socialization of our children can help them for their future in managing our society.（说的太多了吧）
Although socialization is so important, I think that the speaker overstates socialization by claiming that it determines the orientation of our society. As we know, the improvement of a society is due to a quite large number of causes, such as high levels of morals, improvement of science and technology, education of new generations and so forth. Consider the community of Native Americans, which can be regarded as a well development society, most of the members comply with the rules of their own tribe. In the tribe every member is well socialized, such as they hunt together and share preys, discuss to determine the important affairs. Why their society does not develop as quickly as most other societies? Plainly, they lack of other attributes, for example, science and technology, without these attributes, depending on well socialized members, they never manage to develop their society. Thus, except socializing our children, education should also to teach them science, art, philosophy, etc.（太多了吧）

Finally, as we can see, our society is improving quickly, in my view, our society now is already a better society and also have possibilities to be better. Today our society is more tolerative and open to receive opinions from diverse groups of the population. Racial segregation, for example, although still exist, has alleviated a great degree. Besides, due to the development of communication facilities, it even more social than before, people whenever and wherever can make contact with others, through internet.(这一段跟主题衔接不太紧密)

To sum （up）, many aspects are working on the development of our society, except(besides) socializing our children. Through acquiring these abilities during education in school, we can then improve our society.

文章思路不错。
不过前后论证有点头重脚轻，注意均衡，语言过于简单化，口语化，要加强。

joey.liuUID: 2207101

http://www.gter.edu.cn/bbs/viewt ... &extra=page%3D1

paburawUID: 2204657

谢谢大家,因为高中的时候写议论文就很少及格过,导致我现在的进展很缓慢,以后还请大家多指教了............再次感谢SUSAN 和JOEY