Argument26 Ares 作业，敬请互拍

Tomas007UID: 2107663

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 283          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-6-21

In such a memo, the chareperson are trying to persude us to accept the hire for Mr. Schade as the manager for the entire Saluda school system, just due to his contribution to the Steel City High School and their improvement in the past five years. It sounds great but ignores several faults that will drive the whole decision to the bad condition.

First of all, the three regional band competition prizes won in the five years could not easily be due to the singal music director, Mr. Charles Schade. A perfect permance and a competent team require not only the well designation and great leadership by the director, but also the comprehensive characters, the high cooperation and teamwork by the whole team. Furthermore, the opportunity is also considerable. It is hard to image such a situation that a team with poor characters and little interaction in the team could win three times?

There is also lots of different situation between Steel City High School and Saluda school, from the original music level to music instruments in Saluda school. Considering such differences, the power from a individual, even a music director, is definedly limited. If unfortunately, it comes up the situation that the music team in Saluda school with a poor average level and limited fanicial support, there is little opportunity for even a great music director, but also Mr. Schade.

However, considering the capability during his director career in Steel City High School, Mr. Schade could be one of the candidates. But the final decision should be taken after more careful investigation on the real differences between these two schools and Mr. Schade's match with Saluda school and its music education programs.

[ 本帖最后由 expire7 于 2006-6-24 01:07 编辑 ]

gamblerboUID: 2212217

The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 283          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-6-21

In such a memo, the chareperson [chairperson] are trying to persude [persuade] us to accept the hire for Mr. Schade as the manager for the entire Saluda school system, just due to his contribution to the Steel City High School and their improvement in the past five years. It sounds great but ignores several faults that will drive the whole decision to the bad condition.

First of all, the three regional band competition prizes won in the five years could not easily be due to the singal [single] music director, Mr. Charles Schade. A perfect permance [performance] and a competent team require not only the well designation and great leadership by the director, but also the comprehensive characters, the high cooperation and teamwork by the whole team. Furthermore, the opportunity is also considerable. It is hard to image such a situation that a team with poor characters and little interaction in the team could win three times?

There is also lots of different situation between Steel City High School and Saluda school, from the original music level to music instruments in Saluda school. Considering such differences, the power from a individual, even a music director, is definedly [?definitely/assuredly] limited. If unfortunately, it comes up the situation that the music team in Saluda school with a poor average level and limited fanicial support, there is little opportunity for even a great music director, but also Mr. Schade.

However, considering the capability during his director career in Steel City High School, Mr. Schade could be one of the candidates. But the final decision should be taken after more careful investigation on the real differences between these two schools and Mr. Schade's match with Saluda school and its music education programs.
[Although the music department in Steel City High School has achieved a success during Mr. Schade’s term, he may not be the best candidate for all the possibilities mentioned above.  Before the final decision is made, it is necessary to take more careful investigation on the real differences in the situation of these two schools and whether Mr. Schade has the competence for the task.]

个人感想：
1，        限时写作！牛！在30分钟之内，我现在绝对写不错这样的文章。tomas007，我要想你学习啊。
2，        大致雏形都已经出来了。
3，        第一个建议（关于论证）：建议你开始时，着重、深刻地写一个或两个逻辑错误。个人认为，你现在的论证不“深刻”。也不能算“全面”。最好能达到“新颖”的境界。呵呵，我们共同的目标。
4，        第二个建议（关于结构）：在段与段之间多一些呼应，应该会比较好。你可以参照一些模板。倒不用太多，太刻意，自己有那么习惯就好。
5，        小小建议：你写完之后，贴到word上修改一下吧。这样可以发现一些单词误写的错误。：）

expire7UID: 2160574

发练习帖之前请注意发帖格式。不然删贴了，就不好了。发帖格式在置顶里面。

Tomas007UID: 2107663

不好意思，第一次发练习帖。已经拜读了格式要求，下不为例。谢谢提醒。

Tomas007UID: 2107663

非常感谢，刚才仔细阅读了你的修改和建议，非常中肯，再次感谢。

expire7UID: 2160574

原帖由 Tomas007 于 2006-6-23 20:15 发表
不好意思，第一次发练习帖。已经拜读了格式要求，下不为例。谢谢提醒。

谢谢合作。你还不会修改帖么？点你的主题帖下面的编辑就可以修改标题了。这次我帮你改吧。;)
就是argument26中间不要有空格，后面有个空格，很简单的。其实可以不用看置顶帖的。加油写吧。

[ 本帖最后由 expire7 于 2006-6-24 01:08 编辑 ]

ssc_supergirlUID: 2210517

我不会加附件啊先Q上传给你WORD