issue48 加州阳光第五次作业(认真改了一遍，望广大战友拍拍)

timboyUID: 193944

ISSUE 48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten
简要提纲:
观点:部分同意 英雄+大众=历史
因为少数人在历史中更重要,人们过分强调少数人
强调少数人的危害以及大众的不可或缺的作用
重审观点


    With continuous development of the study of history, more and more people make too great efforts to study historical figures whereas pay little attention to the common people who engaged in the events and trends. Consequently, a controversy raises, who made the most critical events and trends in history, famous few or groups of common people whose name have long been forgotten? In my point of view, the people should be both of them mentioned above.

    It is true that people are liable to over-focus the famous people in every important event or trend because they are more important in the trends or events when compared with ordinary people. For example, when Germany  in Second World War is concerned, the important figure in this meaningful war, Hitler is always  studied thoroughly : Not only do historians check his early daily experience before he became the minister of Germany but also check his works even his relatives! However, in contrast, seldom do historians to think carefully about the common people in Germany: Why did they strongly believe that German was the greatest people in the world? Why did some politicians who supported Hitler expect him to bring Germany happiness and prosperity? The answers to such critical questions  cannot be solved unless historians pay more attention to those common Germen rather than few figures such as Hitler in the leadership at that time.

    In short, because of the cardinal status of famous people in the important events and trends, they are naturally studied in priority. On the other hand, however, the power of figures is weakened in the significant events or trends unless common people support these famous people.

  In contrast, too much emphasis on individuals may bring the illusion that the whole events can happen only by few people. Actually,it is misleading unless people reconsider the irreplacable effects of common people , history can prove my view in many cases. One of the greatest presidents in the history of the USA, Alberham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation. Admittedly, the revolution of Lincoln should be admired in the event, but how can we ignore the long and effective efforts of millions of black people? How can we ignore those volunteers who helped some slaves achieve freedom? How can we ignore those solders who beat the enemy to make the America a stable union? Simply put, if the whole events is two legs, the figures should be the bone(because only few people can be the leaders of the events ) whereas common people who even did not leave their name should be the muscle( because without common people's support, the event cannot really "run" as the leaders' will)

In addition, in some special cases, the response of common people can determine the final result of the event. In the French Revolution, when Napoleon secretly came back from Egypt to France, it was almost impossible for him,  just a general ,to become the king of France without national support. It is crazy to imagine the original leader before Napoleon would automatically run away unless he was deeply supported by the common people. In a word, with the efforts from both the famous people and his supporters  the event could happen successfully.

In conclusion, the efforts of few individuals give the events or trends crucial directions whereas the endeavor of common people fill the events or trends with energy. With the direction and energy, the story of events and trends can be made possible fluently rather than awkward.

[ 本帖最后由 timboy 于 2006-7-2 08:54 编辑 ]

timboyUID: 193944

大家帮忙看看：）

benniUID: 2166321

对让步的部分感兴趣，单拍一下

In contrast, too much emphasis on individuals may bring the illusion that the whole events can happen only by few people.(感觉happen…by很别扭, 可以说be initiated…by or be fulfilled by) Actually, it is misleading unless people reconsider the irreplacable(irreplaceable) effects of common people ,(少连词) history can evident（prove, evident是形容词） my view in many cases. One of the greatest presidents in the history of the USA, Alberham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation. Admittedly, the revolution of Lincoln should be admired in the event, but how can we ignore the long and effective efforts of millions of black people? How can we ignore those volunteers who help（helped） some slaves achieve freedom? How can we ignore those solders who beat the enemy to make the America a stable union? Simply put, if the whole events is（are） two legs, the figures should be the bone(because only few people can be the leaders of the events ) whereas common people who even did not leave their name should be the muscle( because without common people's support, the event cannot really "run" as the leaders' will).

结尾的比喻写得真好！琢磨一下怎么模仿...

[ 本帖最后由 benni 于 2006-7-2 01:07 编辑 ]

timboyUID: 193944

谢谢你的建议，我的语法要好好检查了，对了，请教benni一下，我的其他部分有那些缺陷呢？望我们能共同进步：）

searoverUID: 2133188

ISSUE 48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten
简要提纲:
观点:部分同意 英雄+大众=历史
因为少数人在历史中更重要,人们过分强调少数人
强调少数人的危害以及大众的不可或缺的作用
重审观点

<首先段落的写法，如果段首空格，每段间不空行；如果每段间空行，段首齐头写>
    With continuous development of the study of history, more and more people make too great efforts to study historical figures whereas pay little attention to the common people who engaged in the events and trends. Consequently, a controversy raises, who made the most critical events and trends in history, famous few or groups of common people whose name have long been forgotten? In my point of view, the people should be both of them mentioned above.<意思理解，但是这个表达不好，the people指代不明>

    It is true that people are liable to over-focus the famous people in every important event or trend because they are more important in the trends or events when compared with ordinary people. For example, when Germany  in Second World War is concerned, the important figure in this meaningful war<这个句子句法费解，但是按中文顺序就能理解，需改写>, Hitler is always  studied thoroughly : Not only do historians check his early daily experience before he became the minister of Germany but also check his works even his relatives!<句型好> However, in contrast,<逻辑重复> seldom do historians to think carefully about the common people in Germany: Why did they strongly believe that German was the greatest people in the world? Why did some politicians who supported Hitler expect him to bring Germany happiness and prosperity? The answers to such critical questions  cannot be solved unless historians pay more attention to those common Germen rather than few figures such as Hitler in the leadership at that time.<能再强调一句groups of people made the history就好了>

    In short, because of the cardinal status of famous people in the important events and trends, they are naturally studied in priority. On the other hand, however, the power of figures is weakened in the significant events or trends unless common people support these famous people.

  In contrast, too much emphasis on individuals may bring the illusion that the whole events can happen only by few people. Actually,it is misleading unless people reconsider the irreplacable effects of common people , history can prove my view in many cases. One of the greatest presidents in the history of the USA, Alberham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation. Admittedly, the revolution of Lincoln should be admired in the event, but how can we ignore the long and effective efforts of millions of black people? How can we ignore those volunteers who helped some slaves achieve freedom? How can we ignore those solders who beat the enemy to make the America a stable union? <这几个问句效果比上一段的效果更好>Simply put, if the whole events is two legs, the figures should be the bone(because only few people can be the leaders of the events ) whereas common people who even did not leave their name should be the muscle( because without common people's support, the event cannot really "run" as the leaders' will)<比喻佳>

In addition, in some special cases, the response of common people can determine the final result of the event. In the French Revolution, when Napoleon secretly came back from Egypt to France, it was almost impossible for him,  just a general ,to become the king of France without national support. It is crazy to imagine the original leader before Napoleon would automatically run away unless he<he指代谁？> was deeply supported by the common people. In a word, with the efforts from both the famous people and his supporters<要有个逗号吧>  the event could happen successfully.

In conclusion, the efforts of few individuals give the events or trends crucial directions whereas the endeavor of common people fill the events or trends with energy. With the direction and energy, the story of events and trends can be made possible fluently rather than awkward.<这个总结的好>