Issue147 0610G同主题写作第三期 我的第一篇issue

aviiUID: 2199534

大家好，我9月4日鼎钧，这是我的第一篇issue，写了两遍。拿出来的这篇只有318个字，我就写不出来了，而且我只写了两个方面，不知道会不会片面。因为是第一次，麻烦大家多多批评，要是没有时间可以只从大方面指点指点我，不用逐字逐句改，谢谢大家。

提纲如下：
1。提出传统和现代化是合作关系，共同促进人类的发展。
2。从社会关系发展的角度论证传统与现代化的合作关系。
3。从科学研究发展的角度论证传统与现代化的合作关系。
4。根据以上，一句话总结。

Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.

  Tradition and modernization, which are both essential to the humanation, are colleges who are working together to modify and provoke the human's development.

  Take the monogamy as example, our ancients did not have the tradition of monogamy at the very beginning until they found monogamy was able to bring them stable sociaty and strong and robert next-generation. Thus, the monogamy--the stand of modernization at that time--has been transformed to a part of traditon for the purpose of maximize the benifit of humanation. Modernization is much like a provoker, it gives out many ways of human's living in the future, and the tradition will took those that really do good to the humanations to transfer down. That's how tradition and modernization work to help our society formed what it is now. These two do the same way in scitific world.

  The sagacious ancient people left what they found and what they thought as a tradition and treasure to us. We absorb these knowledge and experience to explore new ones. During this process, we may found something wrong in their old knowledge and modify that to create our modernization. But do not forget that is because we are " standing on the shoulder of Giants". Like the geocentric theory , which pronounced the death of heliocentric theory and thus strongly baned by chruch and treated as an inmoral provoker in the dark time, is based on the observation method and tools left by the traditional scholars of heliocentric theory. "Rome is not built in one day", any development has its base. Many methods and tools we using to establish our modernization are come from the tradition. Just a simple example will demostrate this that the tradition theory of geology are still cruital to our modernization establishment.

  Nomater in social life or in scientific world, tradition and modernization are working together to fibrate a good future for all human beings.


再次，谢谢大家斧正！

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

粗略的看了一下，先就大框架讲讲
你的立场是完全反对题目的观点，这样写思路不好拓展，有点局限在传统和现代化的统一，其实它们的对立和统一是各有千秋的。
如果你坚持写分角度论述的完全反对，你应该再加一个角度，可以从艺术或其它来论述现代化与传统的统一。
第二段的例子不是太好，例子有些牵强，monogamy的确是传统思想的改变但是仅仅说它是the stand of modernization是不够的，可以换个角度，比如十九世纪中叶的工业革命把妇女从家庭主妇的传统地位中解放出来，女权主义盛行等等，说明现代化进程带来传统思想的转变，二者是相互相成的。
第三段的论据力度不够，仅仅从科学理念的进步说现代化基于传统显得很苍白，而且你的立场是二者是合作的关系，用这个例子给人一种矛盾的感觉。可以换个角度说现代化的发展，高科技的进步很多基于传统的经典理论，这样表明了二者之间的合作关系。
开头和结尾简单明了，不过，如果没有中间充实的内容的话，一般最好多写一两句！
写Issue刚开始都是这样的，你的时间很充裕，可以先做一下素材的收集和写作模式的练习！
呵呵，加油＋努力！