issue48 想拍什么拍什么，十分感谢

tracysunlyUID: 2228386

OUT-LINE
Ⅰintro. Opinion: disagree with the claim
Ⅱ about the group of people can make the events and trends possible
Ⅲ the famous few is also important
Ⅳin special field, the famous few made the events and trends possible
Ⅴconclusion


Issue48
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The speaker claims that the significant events and trends in history were attributed to the groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten but not the famous few.  I can not agree with the speaker's opinion, because the claim almost ignore the famous few's contribution.

First, I concede that most of the history essential events and trends hinged on many common people whose names have been forgotten. And it is the contribution of such group of people that help us develop our society. The power of ordinary people cannot be easily ignore at any time. During the old time, every wisdom empires or kings clearly knew importance of the support by common people. In China's Tang Dynasty, a famous official had ever said (and I paraphrased): people were like the sea water and the king was like the boat on the sea, the sea water can offer the boat float on the sea, it can also damage the boat. This saying reveals the people's function clearly. Throughout the whole history of man, we can see many similar events that the successful events and trends depend on the people. Such as the Invasion of Normandy In that well-known events, large quantity of soldier lost their lives and helped the World War Two got the turning point.  It is just the group of people whose identities have long been forgotten that make the significant war succeed. As the same, the lost generation and the beat generation also made up of a large group of people whose names were forgotten.

It is true that the group of unknown people contributes much on the significant events and trends in the history, but we should not attribute all to them. The famous few also occupy a vital place in the history throughout the world. In a war or a project the most critical order and decision is given by the famous few. Without the order and decision, the soldier can hardly beat the enemy, and the project cannot be completed successfully. For example, the most famous architecture--Taj Mahal and Great Wall come about through the effect of the large group of people, but there is a great leader design the project and order the people behind the achievement. Without the First Empire Qing, the Great Wall would scarcely be build and now the Miracle sevens--- seven spectacular architectures well known in the world.  In the world will be the Miracle six, or even less.

For more, in the academic research, the contribution of the famous few is also significant. Most of the notable invention and discovery hinges on the famous few. And our whole history is replete with many examples, like Edison, Einstein, Curie and Nobel etc. In literature the examples are also numberless, most of the poet or writers create their art by themselves. Such as Emily Dickens, she hardly gets out of her bedroom during her life, and she liked writing and thinking alone without others’ disturbing. And their inventions, discovery and arts also represent the society’s trends. Emily stands for the Romanticism, the bomb help people and also brought out many more crucial wars. So I can say that it is just the famous few made the significant events and trends possible in the history.

With this analysis, I disagree with speaker’s point of view. One can hardly considered significant events and trends are only made by the group of people or the famous few. Both of them could make the most vital events possible, we should put similar emphasis on both counts.

[ 本帖最后由 runningpiggy 于 2006-7-19 23:28 编辑 ]

tracysunlyUID: 2228386

希望大家有什么写什么，就算懒得谢近来看一眼，我也在这谢谢您了！！
merci beacoup!

runningpiggyUID: 194977

UP。。。

runningpiggyUID: 194977

The speaker claims that the significant events and trends in history were attributed to the groups of people whose identities have long been[been long] forgotten but not[这个距离前面的groups of people有点远，所以分析起来不容易，但我感觉这里还缺了一个to，其实为了避免因为中间插入成分过多而造成的语法错误，这里用个instead of就最好了] the famous few.[我非常不欣赏这样的restate，一点新意都没有，也没起到什么作用]  I can not agree with the speaker's opinion[你还不如直接在这里接个同位语来作restate], because the claim almost ignore the famous few's contribution. [其实我非常不赞同你这样的论点句的写法，最好的应该是你就写出你自己的观点是什么，而不是说你的观点就是不同意别人的观点]

First[ly], I concede that most of the history[用形容词] essential events and trends hinged[这个词是用主动语态么？我也搞不清楚] on many common people whose names have been forgotten.[不错的开头，我看得很清楚] And[这个词最好别放句首] it is the contribution of such group of people that help us develop our society. The power of ordinary people cannot be easily ignore at any time. During the old time, every wisdom empires or kings[every后面跟单数] clearly knew [the] importance of the support by common people. In China's Tang Dynasty, a famous official had ever said (and I paraphrased): people were like the sea water[water in the sea] and[这里用个while连接更好] the king was like the boat on the sea, the sea water can offer[make，let或者render] the boat float on the sea, it can also damage the boat.[意思很清楚，可是语言实在不怎样] This saying reveals the people's function clearly.[这里最好跟个定从解释一下究竟people的function是什么] Throughout the whole history of man[human], we can see many similar events that[晕了，这句话你自己改吧，我不知道怎么给你改了] the successful events and trends depend on the people.[这里应该是个逗号] Such as the Invasion of Normandy. In that well-known events, large quantity of soldier lost their lives and helped the World War Two got the turning point. It is just the group of people whose identities have long been forgotten that[晕，这是要用定从还是宾从，我都看不懂了] make the significant war succeed. As the same[没有这种说的的吧？Similarly就好啦], the lost generation and the beat generation[这想表达什么？怎么会用generation这个词？还beat generation，这是特定说法，自己回去查查] also made up of a large group of people whose names were forgotten. [例子都还没写好段落就结束了，写完例子说说例子如何证明观点，然后后面在跟个总结整段的句子，重申一下自己的观点才算是完整的一段。中间论述过程还算可以，不过我觉得有些话写得多余了，比如水能载舟那里，感觉对证明观点帮助不大，因为你是要说明群众的重要，而且是让步段，所以写出一个例子来证明一下就好了，不必花太多的篇幅去说这个问题，把时间和篇幅留给你真正证明你自己观点的地方]

It is true that the group of unknown people contributes much on[to] the significant events and trends in the history, but we should not attribute all to them.[那应该attribute to谁？不要以为大家都知道，你不说出来是不行的，不然就不算是自己的观点] The famous few also occupy a vital place in the history throughout the world. In a war or a project[这里把条件限得太窄了] the most critical order and decision is given by the famous few. Without the order and decision, the soldier[复数，the不要] can hardly beat the enemy, and the project cannot be completed successfully. For example, the most famous architecture--Taj Mahal and Great Wall come about through the effect of the large group of people, but there is[was] a great leader design the project and order the people behind the achievement. Without the First Empire Qing, the Great Wall would scarcely be build[过去分词] and now the Miracle sevens--- seven spectacular architectures well known in the world.[晕了，这说七大奇迹这是怎么回事，语法混乱阿，而且长城好像也不是七大奇迹吧]  In the world will be the Miracle six, or even less. [根前面一样，没有结尾，没有对例子的分析，就这么没了，以后要注意。而且还有就是你这段说领导的重要是在make decision这个方面来说的，那在你的分论点处就应该写明白，不然这段跟后面一段的分论点就会非常相似]

For more, in the academic research, the contribution of the famous few is also significant.[这个地方是学术研究方面，可跟前面的那个方面似乎对应得不是很好] Most of the notable invention and discovery[这两个词都要复数] hinges on the famous few. And[别放句首] our whole history is replete with many examples, like Edison, Einstein, Curie and Nobel etc.[就说名字不说事例是完全没有用的] In literature the examples are also numberless, most of the poet or writers create their art by themselves.[这里用逗号，such as后面用句号] Such as Emily Dickens, she hardly gets[过去时] out of her bedroom during her life, and she liked writing and thinking alone without others’ disturbing. And[别放句首] their inventions, discovery[复数] and arts[单数] also represent the society’s trends. Emily stands[过去时] for the Romanticism, the bomb help[过去时] people and also brought out many more crucial wars. So[这个词也别放句首] I can say that it is just the famous few made the significant events and trends possible in the history. [整段都是语法错误，这样的段落没有人会愿意看下去的。举例我也不明白你为什么局限于emily，前面的那几个人随便找个人来说也好啊，科学当然是需要个人的天才的，实在是太好证明了，不明白为什么就说了一个方面。而且还说得不好，有些东西我觉得有点不知所谓。最后也是突然来了个结论，不知道你是怎么得出来的]

With this analysis, I disagree with speaker’s point of view. One can hardly considered significant events and trends are only made by the group of people or the famous few. Both of them could make the most vital events possible, we should put similar emphasis on both counts. [结尾还行]


[以后最好还是能把语法错误改了再发上来让网友们修改。另外就是文章的结构不清，总是突然间段落就结束了。破题也感觉有点问题，说领导的那两个方面分得怪怪的。语言也很欠缺。要提高的太多了，慢慢努力吧]

[ 本帖最后由 runningpiggy 于 2006-7-21 16:14 编辑 ]