Issue147 哈哈大家偶来啦~

panegyricUID: 2218502

ISSUE147-"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."

传统和现代化是水火不容的。人们必须二者选一。

观点：有保留的反对
   1.科学技术的进步带来了很多革命性的观念 妇女权利,abortion,并且彻底改变了人们的生活方式
   2.很多意识形态的框架由来自于历史的演变:宗教
   3.现代科学的发展是建立在传统的观念之上的  亚里士多德
   4,现代艺术也是建立在传统之上的 绘画技法,理念 摇滚音乐
  
正文:
In an era of facilitated technological innovation, the conflict between tradition and modernization could be no more evident. Yet, granting their superficial incompatibility, there are inherent connections between the two, which the author fails to recognize.

Truly, modernization has brought about extensive revolution both physically and psychologically. Due to the convenience and efficiency bestowed by technology, even the most ordinary existence has been undergone tremendous adaptations, and many historical cherished notions are being challenged even abandoned. The widespread application of the internet is an apt case in point. It has been pushing the distributing and communicating process to its imaginable limitation, while rendered the traditional vehicle as books bordering on obsolete. Furthermore, the blistering pace of modernization begets the transform of notions. The presumed passive and inferior position of women is challenged and adapted, as a result of the awakening of women's conscious, with legitimization of abortion as a product.

Yet, tradition and modernization are essentially interrelated. Tradition serves as indispensable basis for modernization, and modernizing is inevitable consequence of tradition progress. This base and superstructure relationship is perspicuously illustrated in social ideology. Nowadays, most ideologies, such like religions, philosophy, are most derived from traditional heritage, and surely not up-emerging in modern times. Take Buddhism for example. It was originated in India in 2500 years ago, and then it has been transmitted to most of Asia and the whole world today. During its distribution, the technology induced globalization has contributed significantly. That is to say the relative prosperity of Buddhism today is the offspring of tradition and product of modernization. Here they cooperate.

Furthermore, this foundational function of tradition for modernization can be illustrated in science. Our intelligent ancestors have founded the valuable ground for us up-comers. As it is said by Newton," if I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants". It is surely the case. Without the treasures collected by precedents, though, we would have to start from the most preliminary step, which easily led to progress stagnation. Conspicuous historical figures, like Aristotle and Archimedes, have laid those basic yet essential laws, and our modern people benefit as a result.

As to the realm of arts, the impact of predecessors can not be overlooked either. The traditional artistic skills and aesthetic standards have perpetrated through generations. Even new style or genre is descendent from classic ones. The cubism of Picasso, for instance, though seems incompatible with traditional criteria, is derived from his formerly classic style, which is more acceptable for the mass. Also the pop music today is engendered by traditional skills, yet tampered with modern technology. With the application of high-tech, however, this marriage between tradition and modernization in arts would only be facilitated.

To sum up, the process of modernization has induced revolutionary adaptation to our lives. Nonetheless, it is more the intermingling between the two rather than substitute of tradition with modernization.

[ 本帖最后由 panegyric 于 2006-7-19 10:27 编辑 ]

runningpiggyUID: 194977

占座。。

runningpiggyUID: 194977

In an era of facilitated technological innovation, the conflict between tradition and modernization could be no[我觉得could not be more evident会顺一点，这个是很好的句式] more evident. Yet, granting their superficial incompatibility, there are inherent connections between the two, which the author fails to recognize.[一看就知道语言很好，问题是怎么不把自己的观点表达出来，如果开头没有起到应有的开门见山的作用，那写得怎么天花乱坠都没用的]

Truly, modernization has brought about extensive revolution both physically and psychologically.[这个TS看起来好像跟主题有点远] Due to the convenience and efficiency bestowed by technology, even the most ordinary existence has been undergone[用主动语态就行了] tremendous adaptations, and many historical[我觉得最好是副词] cherished notions are being challenged even abandoned.[我看你的TS写到了physical和psychological两方面，那怎么下面的论述不按照这两方面来写呢？] The widespread application of the internet is an apt case in point. It has been pushing the distributing and communicating[这两个词为什么不直接用名词形式] process to its imaginable limitation, while rendered[现在分词] the traditional vehicle[such] as books bordering[render to do，好像没有render doing的] on obsolete. Furthermore, the blistering pace of modernization begets the transform of notions. The presumed passive and inferior position of women is challenged and adapted, as a result of the awakening of women's conscious[ness], with legitimization of abortion as a product.[毫无疑问，句子都写得很漂亮，可是你有没觉得长句太多了点，这样会让人看得很辛苦的，长短结合会更显功力。还有就是文章主要依靠两个例子来说明观点，一个是internet，一个是feminism，可我觉得这样并不足够，因为你写了这两个只是说明了这两个现象的存在，并没有写清楚现象存在的合理性。最后就是结尾没有任何总结，也是一个败笔]

Yet, tradition and modernization are essentially interrelated.[很好的开头] Tradition serves as indispensable basis for modernization, and modernizing is inevitable consequence of tradition progress. This base and superstructure[形容词] relationship is perspicuously illustrated in social ideology. Nowadays, most ideologies, such like religions, philosophy, are most[ly] derived from traditional heritage, and surely not up-emerging in modern times. Take Buddhism for example. It was originated in India in 2500 years ago, and then it has been transmitted to most of Asia and the whole world today. During its distribution, the technology induced[这里应该要有个连字符] globalization has contributed[这个应该是及物动词，后面要跟宾语] significantly. That is to say the relative prosperity of Buddhism today is the offspring of tradition and product of modernization. Here they cooperate.[这里跟个定从就好啦，怎么另起一句了？跟前面类似，没有结尾，不过例子的解释倒是很清晰，这一段如果能加上个好一点的结尾那就perfect了]

Furthermore, this foundational function of tradition for modernization can be illustrated[怎么又是它，换个illuminate或者demonstrate也好啊] in science.[我觉得这段应该跟前面那段合起来] Our intelligent ancestors have founded the valuable ground for us[us多余] up-comers. As it is said by Newton," if I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants". It is surely the case. Without the treasures collected by precedents[predecessor吧？], though, we would have to start from the most preliminary step, which easily led to progress stagnation. Conspicuous historical figures, like Aristotle and Archimedes, have laid those basic yet essential laws, and our modern people benefit as a result. [晕了，怎么每段都是没有总结的，中间确实写得很不错]

As to the realm of arts,[原来是分这几个领域，为什么前面不写一句来交待一下呢] the impact of predecessors can not be overlooked either. The traditional artistic skills and aesthetic standards have perpetrated[penetrated吧？] through generations. Even new style or genre is descendent from classic ones. The cubism of Picasso, for instance, though seems incompatible with traditional criteria, is derived from his formerly classic style,[在哪部分上是前人的继承了，写清楚点] which is more acceptable for the mass. Also the pop music today is engendered by traditional skills, yet tampered with modern technology[主要还是现代的思潮导致的吧？]. With the application of high-tech, however, this marriage between tradition and modernization in arts would only be facilitated. [最后这句写得很漂亮。整段也写得很好，不过我比较不赞同你的分段方式，如果你想有保留地反对，那么我希望你在开头那段就表明清楚，而且写一句来说明你将会在哪几个领域进行反驳，最后才加上你的保留意见]

To sum up, the process of modernization has induced revolutionary adaptation to our lives. Nonetheless, it is more the intermingling between the two rather than substitute[名词] of tradition with modernization. [简练又不失水平的结尾]


[这几天来看到的水平最高的文章，需要加强的是你在文章里的各个地方的铺垫，还有整个结构的搭建，总是没有总结的分论点实在看得有点搞笑。语言非常好，如果可以在TS句中应用上某些让人眼前一亮的句子就更好了。我觉得有这样的issue，加上argument不出什么问题，5分应该没问题]