作文一篇，不知道发在哪里

mean2006UID: 2231379

上午写的一篇，04.01的题目，但改了一下午，不知道这样写有没有用，改的时间太长，现在和刚写的时候已经不是一个样子了
还有就是不知道哪个小组收我，呵呵
我作文狂差，语法，文法，论证都不好，请大家多改，很批，谢谢各位了

yidi mercuryUID: 195299

一般都发自己的互助组里面~~
把连接给到自己的互助小组吧~~

wingerweskerUID: 2154168

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

把文章也顺便贴一遍比较好。。。
比如比较忙的人，扫一眼也可以给你一点意见的。

Iam13UID: 2116357

3楼的改得很详细啊,赞

我觉得用firstly和furthermore太简单了一点~
来点first of all~
呵呵,也很简单.这几词个变化着用就是

mean2006UID: 2231379

十分感谢wingerwesker，我今天对t都快失去信心了，真的，快崩溃了，但看了你的修改后，令我又燃起对t的一丝信念和坚持下去的决心，现在把我的和修改贴出来,还又加了我的一些想法

It is very hard for us to make the decision when confronted the statement centering whether or not to agree (to agree可以省掉) to ask students evaluate their teachers. There may be one or two disadvantages to agree it; however, I believe that there are far more advantages for evaluating teachers by their students,

Firstly, this evaluation system will enhance the quality of education. (这句不够具体，建议enhance the quality of education by …) A teacher, when faced assessing (assessing用词不准，建议appraise) by his or her students, he/she may prepare more carefully on the class or lecture, and then (and then -> therefore/thus), teachers can impart more knowledge to students. At the same time, the students who attained the (the去掉) more knowledge from this teacher may also give he/she the more highly evaluation (这个有点awful了，直接higher evaluation 即可, 如果想用 the more…the more 结构，the more knowledge the students gain, the higher evaluation they give). Another example is, if there were two teachers teach the same course in one school, the teacher who obtained the high (“higher” is better) assessment (again assess~) would give more knowledge to students and the students in this class were able to ( have the opportunity to , be able to 主观色彩更浓，用在这里过于绝对) learn the (去掉 the ) more knowledge (就句子整体来说，所要表达的论点不太站得住脚); and the other one. would also prepare (more) seriously to gain the (去掉 the ) better evaluation. On this sound circulation, not only are students able to be strengthened but also the teachers (good~).

Furthermore, during the experiments (experiments? “practice” is better, but “process” is the most suitable in my vocabulary) on evaluating to their teachers, students may also make the progress on the study as well as reinforce (“enhance” is better) the interesting (interests) of the learning. To evaluate the teachers, the student acquires more preparation on their lectures to make the (这句话什么意思？) assessment, such as some professional knowledge and the background of the class. A student, for instance, who normally learn carelessly will pay more attention on the class, .and gradually be interesting on learning (句式不错，但是论证不够强烈).

But some teachers, on the other hand (插入语，good~), who want to ( desire for 更好，尽管语气强烈一些 ) gain higher assessment, will attract more students’ attention through such visual ways as their apparels, (or) expressions, (注意准确断句，避免表意不清) rather than the knowledge and the word (word? 放在这里什么意思)（word是想说老师为了得到高的评价，用外表和华而不实的辞令来迷惑学生）. And students sometimes will be confused by the seemingly good qualities of the teacher and neglect the genuine element of teaching and learning. (nice，不过可以再跟一句说：如此一来，让学生评价教师就失去了其本来意义，紧扣主题嘛，还能增加字数)
（这个地方我本来是想这样用的，你们看看可否， the students who sometimes are confused by the seemingly good qualities of the teacher and neglect the genuine element of teaching and learning will make some errors on theer evaluation。）

Consequently, although it boasts (查一下词典吧，建议inevitably involves) some disadvantages to evaluate the teachers by their students, taking the account of all these factors argued below (低级错误), we may reach the conclusion that its advantages (is) greater than its disadvantages.

已经掌握了TWE结构，但字数较少，用词有些问题，仍需练习用词和句式，如果使用了模版，必须对其加以改造和分析
（我还是想问，如果想跳托模板，想first啊，还有furthermore啊，这些好像怎么也改不掉，应该怎么写呢，谢谢）

mean2006UID: 2231379

继续一个问题，就是boast的问题，到底什么情况用boast呢
新4的第三课有一个句子，Often a vallege boasted no inn at all,
还有就是和boast相同的有一个enjoy，比如China enjoy/boast broad area，好像是这样说吧，呵呵
这个词的确切用法怎么用，
还有，说我字数不多，我也觉得吧，好像不知道说什么了，呵呵，再多呢就是空话了，但要真的把问题说清楚那绝对不是30分钟我能用英语完成的，所以.....

wingerweskerUID: 2154168

"word是想说老师为了得到高的评价，用外表和华而不实的辞令来迷惑学生"，还是没看懂，照这个意思，word不是应该放在rather than前面么？

the students who sometimes are confused by the seemingly good qualities of the teacher and neglect the genuine element of teaching and learning will make some errors on theer evaluation

小问题：sometimes are -> are sometimes，语法上没有错误，但修改后更符合表达习惯
重要问题：从句结构太长，建议改为the students who are...will make some errors...because they neglect....

boast是表褒义的，不能修饰disadvantage吧？

mean2006UID: 2231379

哦，那个word是我错了，我本来是这样想的，后来用expression了，所以rather than的word忘了删了，我也不清楚当时怎么想的了，看来，写作还学要提高啊，呵呵，不过还是感谢你的修改

最近怎么都没人贴作文啊，我还有一篇，一直放着就没人动，我自己都不好意思再往上面顶了，有人能帮着看看吗
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

北方丫丫UID: 2109948

哇噻，wingerwesker好厉害啊，而且发现是个大大好人馁

wingerweskerUID: 2154168

……我争取~
最近比较忙，见谅~

mean2006UID: 2231379

哦，没关系的，还是感谢
知道大家都很忙，所以我没有往上面顶了，呵呵

我现在按照笑来笔记说的，改范文，觉得我的那个版本的范文写的很一般，自己都想帮着写，不过真的要自己写了，估计还没范文写的好，呵呵

而且关键现在我30分钟肯定写不出我前面写的那样，虽然写的都不好