ARGUMENT147

liuwenqi24UID: 2141136

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

In this analysis, the arguer claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will ascent in the next months. To substantiate this conclusion, the arguer cites that a survey suggests that players would be more interested in lifelike graphic games requiring most up-to-date computers. In addition, the arguer assumes that, as a result of advertisements, plyers, 10 to 25 years old, will play the games which are explored by Whirlwind video. Ultimately, the arguer make further conclusion that the sales will increase. This argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the argument is based on a survey without necessary information. The arguer does not describe the acceptors of this survey. If the acceptors are majored in Computer Science, obviously, they tend to play games which depend on most up-to-date computers. Then if the survey is just organized in some cities, in which people's income are higher than those in other areas, it cannot illustrate the whole conditions of areas else. So the survey lack of necessary details.

In addition, the arguer commits a false analogy. He/she claims that with advertising, more people 10 to 25 will likely play such games. However, there are many aspects which are able to influence players’ games choices, besides numerous advertisements. For example, females and males will choose different kinds of games. Maybe advertisements of games produced by Whirlwind can draw male players' attention, but female players might dislike them. What is more, different religions may also influence the game choices. Because of religious forbidden, some persons will avoid games although they are interested in them.

Finally, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even if the players 10 to 25 are likely to play these games, it is not persuasive that they will buy them. Common sense tells us, when we cannot afford our favorites, we, surely, will not buy them. And players aged from 10 to 25 are mostly students without much income, so they should not increase the sales of those games from Whirlwind.

限时导致没写结尾，大家看看主题部分吧^_^

jinyuliangyan27UID: 2108979

感觉还行，你抓点抓得比我好多了，学习！
思路上我自己都还不太清楚涅，所以只找了点内容和行文流畅方面的。


In this analysis, the arguer claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will ascent in the next months. To substantiate this conclusion, the arguer cites that a survey suggests that players would be more interested in lifelike graphic games requiring most up-to-date computers. In addition, the arguer assumes that, as a result of advertisements, plyers, 10 to 25 years old, will play the games which are explored by Whirlwind video. Ultimately, the arguer make further conclusion that the sales will increase. This argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the argument is based on a survey without necessary information. The arguer does not describe the acceptors of this survey. If the acceptors are majored in Computer Science, obviously, they tend to play games which depend on most up-to-date computers. Then if the survey is just organized in some cities, in which people's income are higher than those in other areas, it cannot illustrate the whole conditions of areas else. So the survey lack of（lacks） necessary details.

In addition, the arguer commits a false analogy. He/she claims that with advertising, more people 10 to 25 will likely play such games. However, there are many aspects which are able to influence players’ games choices, besides numerous advertisements. For example, females and males will choose different kinds of games. Maybe advertisements of games produced by Whirlwind can draw male players' attention, but female players might dislike them. What is more, different religions may also influence the game choices. Because of religious forbidden, some persons will avoid games although they are interested in them.（“宗教禁忌”是不是弯拐大了？是不是可以考虑文化冲突民族矛盾等，日本一些右翼的游戏，什么“提督的决断”之类就遭到亚洲人民抵制。只是个人感觉）
Finally, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even if the players 10 to 25 are likely to play these games, it is not persuasive that they will buy them. Common sense tells us, when we cannot afford our favorites, we, surely, will not buy them. And players aged from 10 to 25 are mostly students without much income（too young to make abundant money,不一定大多数是学生啊，只是年纪尚幼，财力有限), so they should not increase the sales of those games from Whirlwind.

aceseaUID: 2181505

看了,还不错
但是关于10-25岁是不是主要玩家,喜欢什么游戏的时候,谈到宗教之类,有点扯远了,那是少数, 倒不如谈每个人的兴趣爱好都不同, 比如有人喜欢战争的游戏, 有人喜欢故事类的， 还有喜欢模拟生活的..........

vincent_xfUID: 2239053

鉴于你最后一段未写，我觉得写作习惯有问题，个人认为应该先把各段首句，首段末段写完，再加细节推理，即使你的时间不够，少写了些具体的论证，至少你的文章是完整的，顶多说你的文章比较“瘦”，但是缺了一个必不可少的部分，那就只能是“残疾”。

个人愚见，只供参考。