argument38 [Shining Sep] 作文组 第一天作业

xuxinyunUID: 2198143

Topic: Argument38:
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 465         TIME:没计算。。。      DATE: 2006-8-14
In this argument, the author recommended the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. Although the recommendation is based a looking reasonable study, I find it still suffers from some flaws making the recommendation doubtful.
Firstly, the study is probably an incredible one. In the memo, we do not know who did the study, ho w long the study lasted, and when the study be done. We also do not kon w the sample of this study. What we know is the study was done in a place nearby East Meria. Lacking of so many crucial statistics, how can we say this study the author considered as evidence of the recommendation is credible?
Secondly, that people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds does not mean that people catch cold less indeed per year, even if we consider the study is reasonable. In short, we can not make the frequency people catch cold equal to the frequency people visit the doctor. There is high possibility that people only take medicine themselves since clod is al ways thought to be unserious.
Thirdly, no evidence shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Admittedly, there is valuable nutrition in the fish and eating fish may be good for most people’s health. However, it dose not mean that eating fish can prevent colds and that everyone is suitable for fish. There has been the fact that some one may have serious sickness even die after eating fish. Even though eating a substantial amount of fish may prevent colds, it does not mean that eating Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derive from fish oil is able to help us prevent from colds.  what is more, there are also many other methods to prevent from clods, such as do more excises, pay more attention on the changing weather and so on.
Lastly, there is lack of evidence that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work.  we can not say that  we can prevent lo wer absenteeism as long as  we prevent from colds even if the colds are really the reason most frequently given for absences from school and  work. Catching cold may be just an excuse, consequently, without colds, there maybe more stomachs, headaches and so on. In order to prevent absenteeism, there still are many ways, such as making regulations. Preventing colds is only a way that can not solve the problem completely.
To conclude, the recommendation is limited in credible evidence on the study any many other aspects. In order to strength this recommendation, the author has to sho w more statistics and pay more attention on different cases.

MagicGlaiveUID: 2112081

argument38 [Shining Sep] 作文组 第一天作业

Topic: Argument38:
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

WORDS: 465         TIME:没计算。。。      DATE: 2006-8-14

建议能把段与段之间空行，不仅自己在AWP里面看得舒服，贴上来也看得舒服点:)

In this argument, the author recommended the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. Although the recommendation is based a looking reasonable study, I find it still suffers from some flaws making the recommendation doubtful.
开头段简单明了

Firstly, the study is probably an incredible one. In the memo, we do not know who did the study, ho w long the study lasted, and when the study be done. We also do not kon w the sample of this study. What we know is the study was done in a place nearby East Meria. Lacking of so many crucial statistics, how can we say this study the author considered as evidence of the recommendation is credible?

Secondly通篇都用这些开头词Firstly,...Thirdly略显有些乏味，可以还一些别的说法, that people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds does not mean that people catch cold less indeed per year, even if we consider the study is reasonable. In short, we can not make the frequency people catch cold equal to the frequency people visit the doctor(good:D). There is high possibility that people only take medicine themselves since clod is al ways thought to be unserious.

Thirdly, no evidence shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds这句话和下面的admittedly似乎逻辑性不强。而且，上文既然一直在批the study is inconvible，直接说from above, we have no reason to believe...会更好些，同时也为下文的让步打下了基础. Admittedly, there is valuable nutrition in the fish and eating fish may be good for most people’s health. However, it dose not mean that eating fish can prevent colds and that everyone is suitable for fish. There has been the fact that some one（attention! "some one"不等于"someone"） may have serious sickness even die after eating fish（似乎有点危言耸听之意，可以先说引起不良反应再说“甚至死亡”）. Even though eating a substantial amount of fish may prevent colds, it does not mean that eating Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derive from fish oil is able to help us prevent from colds.  what(注意大写！) is more, there are also many other methods to prevent from clods, such as do more excises, pay more attention on the changing weather and so on.

Lastly, there is lack of evidence that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work.  we can not say that  we can prevent lower absenteeism as long as  we prevent from colds even if the colds are really the reason most frequently given for absences from school and  work. Catching cold may be just an excuse, consequently, without colds, there maybe more stomachs, headaches and so on. In order to prevent absenteeism, there still are many ways, such as making regulations. Preventing colds is only one way that can not solve the problem completely（这个词有点绝对了）.

To conclude, the recommendation is limited in credible evidence on the study any（"any"-->“and” 小错误尽量少犯，建议贴文章前先把文章放到word中把基本的小错误排除掉:)） many other aspects. In order to strength this recommendation, the author has to sho w more statistics and pay more attention on different cases.

总体评价：这篇文章找到了原文中的几个主要错误：研究可信度和推理严密性，四个点的剖析都有所展开但是所列的“它因”比较有限，很多话有点绕来绕去只是在说一个意思的感觉。其实，个人认为，如果把这篇memo看成是一个兜售假药的骗子的广告，那么很逻辑上的漏洞就一目了然了。重的来说，个人感觉整体层次和驳论展开方面都都是很可取的！

flycc28UID: 2164453

ls的已经改的很清楚了:)

LZ也按顺序把错误都罗列出来,不过个人建议按错误的重要性来写

xuxinyunUID: 2198143

恩啊~~~收到~~~谢谢修改~~~~,这篇是改过的了，不过没有时间做很打的修改，还有打小些的问题，是因为我的w键是坏的，所以弄不方便。。。不好意思啊~~~

argument38 [Shining Sep] 作文组 第一天作业

Topic: Argument38:
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

WORDS: 465         TIME:没计算。。。      DATE: 2006-8-14


In this argument, the author recommended the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. Although the recommendation is based a looking reasonable study, I find it still suffers from some flaws making the recommendation doubtful.


Firstly, the study is probably an incredible one. In the memo, we do not know who did the study, ho w long the study lasted, and when the study be done. We also do not kon w the sample of this study. What we know is the study was done in a place nearby East Meria. Lacking of so many crucial statistics, how can we say this study the author considered as evidence of the recommendation is credible?

What is more,  that people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds does not mean that people catch cold less indeed per year, even if we consider the study is reasonable. In short, we can not make the frequency people catch cold equal to the frequency people visit the doctor There is high possibility that people only take medicine themselves since clod is al ways thought to be unserious.

In addition, from above, we have no reason to believe.,eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Admittedly, there is valuable nutrition in the fish and eating fish may be good for most people’s health. However, it dose not mean that eating fish can prevent colds and that everyone is suitable for fish. There has been the fact that someone may have serious sickness even may be dangerous to life.. Even though eating a substantial amount of fish may prevent colds, it does not mean that eating Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derive from fish oil is able to help us prevent from colds. What is more, there are also many other methods to prevent from clods, such as do more excises, pay more attention on the changing weather and so on.

Lastly, there is lack of evidence that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work.  we can not say that  we can prevent lower absenteeism as long as  we prevent from colds even if the colds are really the reason most frequently given for absences from school and  work. Catching cold may be just an excuse, consequently, without colds, there maybe more stomachs, headaches and so on. In order to prevent absenteeism, there still are many ways, such as making regulations. Preventing colds may be not a way that can not solve the problem completely.

To conclude, the recommendation is limited in credible evidence on the study and many other aspects. In order to strength this recommendation, the author has to sho w more statistics and pay more attention on different cases.

[ 本帖最后由 xuxinyun 于 2006-8-16 09:37 编辑 ]