Argument7 留链互改，共同进步！

lxmsosUID: 2133854

TOPIC: ARGUMENT7 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.

"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."


   The letter asserted that if Ann Green is elected in the next mayoral election, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved. The letter gives three reasons to support its conclusion, which seems sound but actually unwarranted.
   It is said that during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has double. There is no casual relationship between the environmental problems and the increased number of factories. What if the newly creased factories are all environmental friendly ones, such as computers or automobiles combination, or high-tech productions? Also, many factories which pollute the environment more have been moved out or been forced to restrict their effect on the environment. The number of factories in total doubled cannot indicate whether the pollution sources become more.
   There are many reasons which can cause the increases of air pollution level. We can never ignore the influence of the neighboring cities and climate conditions. It is possible that the pollution came from the nearby cities which have more pollution sources since the air is flowing and circulating in the atmosphere all the time. Also, perhaps the climate condition was bad such as rainy days when the air pollution data were collected, which caused the higher level of air pollution.
   As for the 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses, it also has many other explanations. The population in Clearview may increase because of its friendly environment, as a result of which, the patients with all kinds of illnesses trend to increase including respiratory illnesses. In addition, in the past few years, it is possible that more seniors moved into the city or more bodies were born, which means the number of easy illness-effected groups increased. So, it does make sense that the cases of respiratory illnesses increased corresponding to it.
   Finally, even if Frank Braun tends to unable or be reluctant to pay attention to environmental problems, it is not for sure that Ann Green can deal with the environmental problems better. As a mayor, he has to consider enormous things to choose the best way for the development of the city before making the final decision. For instance, Clearview are suffering an economic depression. Tens of thousands of people lost their jobs, is it the right time to pay too much attention to the environment? The answer is obvious. To solve the effects of the economic depression should be the main consideration instead of environment under this circumstance.
   To sum up, there is no direct relation between the increases of factories number, air pollution level and cases of respiratory illnesses and the environmental problems since there are many other explanations for the increases of them. Moreover, to elect Ann Green cannot ensure that the environment will be improved. Therefore, all the doubts and possible explanations should be considered cautiously before the final decision is made.

bert2006UID: 2194175

The letter asserted that if Ann Green is elected in the next mayoral election, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved. The letter gives three reasons to support its conclusion, which seems sound but actually unwarranted.
   It is said that during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has double. There is no casual relationship between the environmental problems and the increased number of factories. What if the newly creased （built）factories are all environmental friendly ones, such as computers or automobiles combination, or high-tech productions?（应该是几种公司吧？） Also, many factories which pollute the environment more （seriously）have been moved out or been forced to restrict their effect on the environment. The number of factories in total doubled （改顺序the in total doubled number of factories）cannot indicate whether the pollution sources become more（用increase不就行了？）.
   There are many reasons which can cause the increases of air pollution level. We can never ignore the influence of the neighboring cities and climate conditions. It is possible that the pollution came from the nearby cities which have more pollution sources since the air is flowing and circulating in the atmosphere all the time. Also, perhaps the climate condition was bad such as rainy days when the air pollution data were collected, which caused the higher level of air pollution.
   As for the 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses, it also has many other explanations. （there are also many other explanations）The population in Clearview may increase because of its friendly environment, as a result of which, the patients with all kinds of illnesses trend to increase including respiratory illnesses. In addition, in the past few years, it is possible that more seniors moved into the city or more bodies were born, which means the number of easy illness-effected groups increased. So, it does make sense that the cases of respiratory illnesses increased corresponding to it.
   Finally, even if Frank Braun tends to unable or be reluctant to pay attention to environmental problems, it is not for sure that Ann Green can deal with the environmental problems better. As a mayor, he has to consider enormous things to choose the best way for the development of the city before making the final decision. For instance, Clearview are suffering an economic depression. Tens of thousands of people lost their jobs, is it the right time to pay too much attention to the environment? The answer is obvious. To solve the effects of the economic depression should be the main consideration instead of environment under this circumstance.
   To sum up, there is no direct relation between the increases of factories number, air pollution level and cases of respiratory illnesses and the environmental problems since there are many other explanations for the increases of them. Moreover, to elect Ann Green cannot ensure that the environment will be improved. Therefore, all the doubts and possible explanations should be considered cautiously before the final decision is made.

文章写的不错，尤其第第四段批的好。主要批了四点：
1，工厂的增加并不能说明污染严重了，因为工厂的种类不同
2，城市的污染严重了有多种原因，比如邻近城市的污染物，以及调查时候的特殊情况
3，呼吸类病人的增加有多种原因，并不一定说明污染严重了，比如人口基数的增大，易感人群的增多。
4，即使Frank Braun没有治理好污染，那也不能说明 Ann Green可以。
个人认为：该文章的结论是“我们应该选Ann Green，不能选Frank Braun”为什么呢？因为后者没有治理好环境！
所以让我批的话，就先批“难道治理好了环境就可以当市长了吗？”市长还有更重要的事（也就是你第五段讲的内容）。批完了这个我再批“有什么证据可以说明Frank Braun没有治理好环境？”（也就是你批的第1，2，3点）。
建议修改第五段的主题句，把重点放在“治理环境并不能说明可以当市长”，而且把第五段放到前面批。

bert2006UID: 2194175

恳请指正
Argument21
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 bert2006 于 2006-8-28 10:31 编辑 ]

bert2006UID: 2194175

多谢楼主的修改，呵呵，有习作就帖到一个个帖子里方便修改。
一直在练Argument，Issue 刚起步，先保住Argument再说吧，呵呵