issue4 附带交的一篇，请指正，谢谢

weixchUID: 2104033

4."No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study."



For the advance of a field of study, is it necessary to use the knowledge brought in by the outsiders from other fields? Yes. Because from the past of our mankind, we can see that it is a history of fields of study relating to each other, depending on each other and merging with each other.

As the relation between various subjects is concerned, let’s first review the progress of visual arts in the latest centuries. Before the first ray of sunshine in the 19th century pierced the dawn, artist could only save a brilliant moment on paper or canvas by brush, however, the final work was just an imitation, not as vivid as the beauty we felt by eyes. With some discoveries in chemistry, the problem was solved, while the first photo was taken by a box with lens at front. What is it?  Camera. Until it is invented, artists could not even imagine how a gadget like that would influence the advance of art so much in the future--it brought the photography, a novel art form, into the field of visual arts. However, the photo is only a static image, could we see a bird flying in a photo lively? Few years later, it was found that if one could draw a picture per second for the bird, he could see it flying when thumbing through the pictures. The fact was not firstly noticed by an artist but a genius engineer who invented cinematograph, a device brought movie to practical life as another new form of visual arts. Just consider the “Gone With The Wind", the successful story of Hollywood and how many people of that years were drawn from opern to cinema, you would know how popular movie was as a form of arts. Soon, with the advance of radio, television was invented by a radio engineer; audiences through the world could enjoy the movies recorded by film not only in cinema but also from TV at home. The close relation between visual arts and other disciplines is manifest.

Sometimes, the progress of a field depends on some others. Consider the invention of CDMA, a standard used in wireless telecommunication, without calculus advanced by so many great mathematicians such as Newton and Leibnitz, the progress in mobile telecommunication was impossible. And also without calculus, we could not do signal analysis and transfer music or video in radio effectively, it is the basis of radio technology. In sum, without the work of the math geniuses, we could not see a clear frame of video.

How are different disciplines merged with each other? To answer the question, I would like to take the Apollo mission as an example. As everyone knows, Apollo mission is a manned moon-landing project completed by NASA. However, without the engineer and mathematicians from universities and institutes all over the United States, it would be a mission impossible. Mathematicians and physicists would decide the flying orbit to moon and back home cautiously, also it was their duty to calculate how much fuel necessary; radio engineer would design the telecommunication system for the spacecraft; physician would tell astronauts how many foods are necessary and give them a list of caution item in space life. We could see that such a complicated plan would not be carried on without merging of these subjects.

In short, the world around us is a web of forces inextricably related, interplay of which could only be understood in varieties of disciplines. How could a field of study advance significantly without outsiders bringing their knowledge and experience to it?

Ammmy2000UID: 2265680

For the advance of a field of study (certain realm), is it necessary to use the knowledge brought in by the outsiders from other fields? Yes(The author claims so. I share the same opinion with him since the developing history of mankind involved in many fields that relate to…… ). Because from the past of our mankind, we can see that it is a history of fields of study relating to each other, depending on each other and merging with each other(基本明白要表达的意思，可是we can see这里怎么就读不通啊,大概修改了下，觉得有问题mail我啊：)).

As the relation between various subjects is concerned, let’s first review the progress of visual arts in the latest centuries. Before the first ray of sunshine in the 19th century pierced the dawn, artist could only save a brilliant moment on paper or canvas by brush, however, the final work was just an imitation, not as vivid as the beauty we felt by eyes. With some discoveries in chemistry, the problem was solved, while the first photo was taken by a box with lens at front. What is it?  Camera.（感觉你想写的生动一点，可是这样子觉得很奇怪） Until it is invented, artists could not even imagine how a gadget like that would influence the advance of art so much in the future--it brought the photography, a novel art form, into the field of visual arts. However, the photo is only a static image, could we see a bird flying in a photo lively? Few years later, it was found that if one could draw a picture per second for the bird, he could see it flying when thumbing through the pictures. The fact was not firstly noticed by an artist but a genius engineer who invented cinematograph, a device brought movie to practical life as another new form of visual arts. Just consider the “Gone With The Wind", the successful story of Hollywood and how many people of that years were drawn from opern to cinema, you would know how popular movie was as a form of arts. Soon, with the advance of radio, television was invented by a radio engineer; audiences through the world could enjoy the movies recorded by film not only in cinema but also from TV at home. The close relation between visual arts and other disciplines is manifest.(这段为了证明艺术上需要其他人领域的帮助，但是很多笔墨都在介绍相机和摄象机发明的背景上，说理不太足，至少要说明哪些地方涉及到了什么学科，才能表达学科融合的意思)

Sometimes, the progress of a field depends on some others. Consider the invention of CDMA, a standard used in wireless telecommunication, without calculus advanced by so many great mathematicians such as Newton and Leibnitz, the progress in mobile telecommunication was impossible.（两句话之间连接要有连词！） And also without calculus, we could not do signal analysis and transfer music or video in（into） radio effectively, it is the basis of radio technology. In sum, without the work of the math geniuses, we could not see a clear frame of video.(这里就犯了我们argument里面的逻辑错误了，太绝对了吧)

How are different disciplines merged with each other?（这句话通顺么？how did different disciplines merge with each other?） To answer the question, I would like to take the Apollo mission as an example. As everyone knows, Apollo mission is a manned moon-landing project completed by NASA. However, without the engineer and mathematicians from universities and institutes all over the United States, it would be a mission impossible. Mathematicians and physicists would decide the flying orbit to moon and back home cautiously, also it was their duty to calculate how much fuel necessary; radio engineer would design the telecommunication system for the spacecraft; physician would tell astronauts how many foods are necessary and give them a list of caution item in space life. We could see that such a complicated plan would not be carried on without merging of these subjects.

In short, the world around us is a web of forces inextricably related, interplay of which could only be understood in varieties of disciplines. How could a field of study advance significantly without outsiders bringing their knowledge and experience to it?

一．        感觉这篇文章你是想从relate, depend,merge三个方面来写，但是我觉得这三个方面本来就相互有交集，你可以说相机和chemistry有关系，也可以说相机的产生依靠chemistry¸所以到底如何把它们分成三个部分是个问题
二．        文章有罗列的三个例子相当好，但是除了具体描述例子以外还要有结合你的key setence的分析，你一般就把例子罗列下，然后就用你的key sentence变相说一遍，没有什么分析，同时例子不应该占一段的主要，只是起辅导的作用。
希望lz可以注意下啦：）

weixchUID: 2104033

恩，说理不强，毕竟是Analytical writing. 谢谢