Issue51 [Chasing For "6" Score]小组第一次作业

byking1985UID: 2222368

题目：51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
提纲：1.定义effective education
         2.现在的教育制度并没有meet各个student的need，但却不能说教育无效。
          例证：individual有自己的career，能在社会上生存，推动社会进步。
         3.没有必要specifically designed for everyone，是不现实的。因为每个人的个性爱好不同，不具有可行性。
         4.要使教育更有效，应该是学生自己寻求所需的education，而不是由他人设计。
字数：539；时间：2007－2－1

正文：
Should education be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective? To some extent, the speaker's assert is reasonable. Because there do have some of the flaws in today's education system, which needs improve on. To improve the education by fitting for each student's taste or not, that will be a question. On balance, however, I tend to disagree.

In the first instance, we need to make a clear definition for "effective education". What is effective education? First, I have to commit the premise along with the author that our education currently is not effective or not adequate. Otherwise, education doesn't have the necessity to ameliorate. Then, according to the realistic situation of education, we can define "effective education" as below: it amounts to far more than gaining the knowledge and ability to excel in one's major course of study and in one's professional career; Effective education also facilitates an understanding of oneself, and tolerance and respect for the viewpoints of others; It likewise provides insight and perspective regarding one's place in society and in the physical and metaphysical worlds. In my personal view, "effective education" likes a perfect education we see in the crystal, it's far away in the Moon that we can not reach.

As we know, nowadays education does not specifically design to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. For example, in China, education you incept is not for your interest but determined by how many scores you can get in the examination. Pretty scores open you a door to the advanced school; maybe effective education is awaiting you. Nevertheless, even when study in such a school, you will also face rigid subjects that can't be chosen. Generation by generation, however, millions of students acquire the knowledge and ability to achieve their own goals in individual career, to subsist in harmony in the society, to make the history rolling forward under today's education mode. Can we persuade ourselves to bring forward that education is not "effective"? I am sure I can't. In this circumstance, I am harboring a violent doubt that our education is not effective. Just deeming it not perfect, we have to admit education doing work.

In addition, it's no dispensable to frame the education for everyone, that’s extraordinary unpractical. German philosophy Leibnitz once said, there are not two completely same shaped leaves in the nature. While, each student differs, especially, from his/her character and need. Designing education to meet every student seems like a work to discern the cells in human body apiece. It will turn to be time-consuming and void.

In the final analysis, to become truly effective education must strike a proper balance in one's educational receive and pursuit. Certainly, students should accept the education educators projected for them. Whereas, they should complement those efforts by pursuing course work they really interest in, they should be more initiative as well. By earnestly pursuing the education in deed fitted one gains the capacity not only to succeed in a career, but also to find purpose and meaning in that career as well as to understand and appreciate the world and its peoples. That's the real path to effective education.

[ 本帖最后由 byking1985 于 2007-2-3 19:27 编辑 ]

cynthialUID: 2269776

呵呵,这次是我改你的,我今天先看,明天给你发上来。

susan8940UID: 160449

Should education be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective?设问开头 To some extent, the speaker's assert is reasonable. Because there do have some of the去掉 flaws in today's education system, which needs improve on？？语法对吗？. To improve the education by fitting for each student's taste or not, that will be a question. On balance, however, I tend to disagree.最后两句话觉得可以改下。

In the first instance, we need to make a clear definition for "effective education". What is effective education? First, I have to commit the premise along with the author that our education currently is not effective or not adequate （enough）. Otherwise, education doesn't have the necessity to ameliorate. Then, according to the realistic situation of education, we can define "effective education" as below: it amounts to far more than gaining the knowledge and ability to excel in one's major course of study and in one's professional career; Effective education also facilitates an understanding of oneself, and tolerance and respect for the viewpoints of others; It likewise provides insight and perspective regarding one's place (status?) in society and in the physical and metaphysical worlds. In my personal view, "effective education" likes a perfect education we see in the crystal这短语什么意思啊？, it's far away in the Moon that we can not reach.第一段是对effective education下定义.感觉可以根下一段合起来写，用少些笔墨，然后与今天的教育状况对比。

As we know, nowadays education does not specifically design to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. For example, in China, education you incept is not for your interest 也不绝对吧？but determined by how many scores you can get in the examination.？？呵呵太实话实说了吧？素质教育还在提倡滴 Pretty scores open you a door to the advanced school; maybe effective education is awaiting you. Nevertheless, even when study in such a school, you will also face rigid subjects that can't be chosen. Generation by generation, however, millions of students acquire the knowledge and ability to achieve their own goals in individual career, to subsist in harmony看到这个就想到和谐社会。。 in the society, to make the history rolling forward under today's education mode. Can we persuade ourselves to bring forward that education is not "effective"? I am sure I can't. In this circumstance, I am harboring a violent doubt that our education is not effective. Just deeming it not perfect, we have to admit education doing work.

In addition, it's no dispensable to frame the education for everyone, that’s extraordinary unpractical. German philosophy Leibnitz once said, there are not two completely same shaped leaves in the nature. While, each student differs, especially, from （in吧？） his/her character and need. Designing education to meet every student seems like a work to discern the cells in human body apiece. 学生物的同行吗？It will turn to be time-consuming and void.这段可以适当多举些例子

In the final analysis, to become truly effective ，education must strike a proper balance in one's educational receive and pursuit. Certainly, students should accept the education educators projected for them. Whereas, they should complement those efforts by pursuing course work they really interest语法 in, they should be more initiative active or aspiring as well. By earnestly pursuing the education in deed fitted one gains the capacity not only to succeed in a career, but also to find purpose and meaning in that career as well as to understand and appreciate the world and its peoples. That's the real path to effective education.

byking1985UID: 2222368

谢谢susan哈，多谢来拍。我的第一篇Issue，看来还得多多努力了。
回答你几个问题哈：
1.needs improve on？？语法对吗？.    应该是needs to be improved on
2. in the crystal这短语什么意思啊？   自创的哈，想形象点表达，是不实际，虚幻的意思哈。。。。
3.to subsist in harmony看到这个就想到和谐社会。。    我写的时候也有同感啊，呵呵。
4.学生物的同行吗？   抱歉，不是，但是生物是我的最爱。。。。

[ 本帖最后由 byking1985 于 2007-2-2 13:37 编辑 ]

vigillyUID: 2222000

题目：51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
提纲：1.定义effective education
         2.现在的教育制度并没有meet各个student的need，但却不能说教育无效。
          例证：individual有自己的career，能在社会上生存，推动社会进步。
         3.没有必要specifically designed for everyone，是不现实的。因为每个人的个性爱好不同，不具有可行性。
         4.要使教育更有效，应该是学生自己寻求所需的education，而不是由他人设计。
字数：539；时间：2007－2－1
提纲思路很清晰，不错
正文：
Should education be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective? To some extent, the speaker's assert该用名词形式吧？ is reasonable. Because there do have some of the flaws in today's education system, which needs improve on. To improve the education by fitting for each student's taste or not, that will be a question. On balance, however, I tend to disagree.找了很久都没有找到你的中心句，难道是这句？
   
In the first instance, we need to make a clear definition for "effective education". What is effective education? First, I have to commit the premise along with the author that our education currently is not effective or not adequate. Otherwise, education doesn't have the necessity to ameliorate. Then, according to the realistic situation of education, we can define "effective education" as below: it amounts to far more than gaining the knowledge and ability to excel in one's major course of study and in one's professional career; Effective education also facilitates an understanding of oneself, and tolerance and respect for the viewpoints of others; It likewise provides insight and perspective regarding one's place in society and in the physical and metaphysical worlds. In my personal view, "effective education" likes a perfect education we see in the crystal, it's far away in the Moon that we can not reach.
你这段下定义也下得太长了吧？你最后一句提出的can not reach能够再论述一下就好了。同时也回避了一个问题，究竟是不是只有与依据学生兴趣的教育才是真正有效的
   
As we know, nowadays education does not specifically design to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. For example, in China, education you incept is not for your interest but determined by how many scores you can get in the examination. Pretty scores open you a door to the advanced school; maybe effective education is awaiting you. Nevertheless, even when study in such a school, you will also face rigid subjects that can't be chosen. Generation by generation, however, millions of students acquire the knowledge and ability to achieve their own goals in individual career, to subsist in harmony in the society, to make the history rolling forward under today's education mode. Can we persuade ourselves to bring forward that education is not "effective"? I am sure I can't. In this circumstance, I am harboring a violent doubt that our education is not effective. Just deeming it not perfect, we have to admit education doing work.
     
In addition, it's no dispensable to frame the education for everyone, that’s extraordinary unpractical. German philosophy Leibnitz once said, there are not two completely same shaped leaves in the nature. While, each student differs, especially, from his/her character and need. Designing education to meet every student seems like a work to discern the cells in human body apiece. It will turn to be time-consuming and void.我还是认为这段和正文第一段论证的问题是不同的
        
In the final analysis, to become truly effective education must strike a proper balance in one's educational receive and pursuit. Certainly, students should accept the education educators projected for them. Whereas, they should complement those efforts by pursuing course work they really interest in, they should be more initiative as well. By earnestly pursuing the education in deed fitted one gains the capacity not only to succeed in a career, but also to find purpose and meaning in that career as well as to understand and appreciate the world and its peoples. That's the real path to effective education.。我以为这段是最后一个分论点呢

语言不错,但是感觉写文章的时候思路没有提纲清晰哦...

byking1985UID: 2222368

谢谢指导，我很受启发哈！呵呵

cynthialUID: 2269776

Should education be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective? To some extent, the speaker's assert is reasonable. Because there do have some of the flaws in today's education system, which needs (needs to) improve on. To improve the education by fitting for each student's taste or not, that will be a question. On balance, however, I tend to disagree.(应该把thesis清楚的写出来)

In the first instance (我觉得用at the beginning 好些，下面有first显得重复了), we need to make a clear definition for "effective education". What is effective education? First, I have to commit the premise along with the author that our education currently is not effective or not adequate (neither effective nor adequate). Otherwise, education doesn't have the necessity（应该是necessary吧） to ameliorate. Then, according to the realistic situation of education, we can define "effective education" as below: it amounts to far more than gaining the knowledge and（the）ability to excel in one's major course of study and in one's professional career; Effective education also facilitates an understanding of oneself, and tolerance and respect for the viewpoints of others; It likewise provides insight and perspective regarding one's place in society and in the physical and metaphysical worlds. In my personal view, "effective education" likes a perfect education we see in the crystal, it's far away in the Moon that we can not reach.对教育的解释比较的透彻,但是似乎太长了不够简洁.

As we know, nowadays education does not specifically design to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. For example, in China, education you incept (education you incept？不明白是什么意思， 似乎是inception) is not for your interests but determined by how many scores you can get in the examination. Pretty scores open a door to the advanced school (for you); maybe effective education is awaiting you. Nevertheless, even when study in such a school, you will also face rigid subjects that (what好些) can't be chosen. Generation by generation, however, millions of students acquire the knowledge and ability to achieve their own goals in individual career, to subsist in harmony in the society, to make the history rolling forward under today's education mode. Can we persuade ourselves to bring forward that education is not "effective"? I am sure I can't. In this circumstance, I am harboring a violent doubt that our education is not effective. Just deeming it not perfect, we have to admit education doing work.
In addition, it's no dispensable to frame the education for everyone, that’s extraordinary unpractical. German philosophy Leibnitz (Leibniz) once said,  (最好加上and  I paraphrase) there are not two completely same shaped leaves in the nature. While, each student differs, especially, from his/her character and needs. Designing education to meet every student seems like a work to discern the cells in human body apiece. It will turn to be time-consuming and void.
这一段论点不错，可以再论证的充分一点。

In the final analysis, to become truly effective education must strike a proper balance in one's educational receive and pursuit. Certainly, students should accept the education educators projected for them. Whereas, they should complement those efforts by pursuing course work they really interest in, they should be more initiative as well. By earnestly pursuing the education in deed fitted one gains the capacity not only to succeed in a career, but also to find purpose and meaning in that career as well as to understand and appreciate the world and its peoples. That's the real path to effective education.结尾有点问题,你再斟酌一下,似乎和你的提纲不符.

1．你的第一个论点是现在的教育制度并没有meet各个student的need，但却不能说教育无效，我觉得题目的意思是说“只有针对每个学生的需要和兴趣，教育才真正的有意义”，但是不意味着题目否认现在的教育就是无效的
2.我觉得本文行文较流畅，展开的思路较清晰，每一个段落集中论述一方面内容；
3.另外在句型方面多为简单句,大多只是通过and等连接,and出现的次数过于频繁,可以利用复杂句型来提高文章的质量.有些词的用法我不是很确定
Ps: 我的水平有限,改的不好,有错的地方还请见谅.

[ 本帖最后由 cynthial 于 2007-2-2 17:01 编辑 ]

blue_zsqUID: 2293265

Issue51[Chasing For "6" Score]小组第一次作业

题目：51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
提纲：1.定义effective education
         2.现在的教育制度并没有meet各个student的need，但却不能说教育无效。
          例证：individual有自己的career，能在社会上生存，推动社会进步。
         3.没有必要specifically designed for everyone，是不现实的。因为每个人的个性爱好不同，不具有可行性。
         4.要使教育更有效，应该是学生自己寻求所需的education，而不是由他人设计。字数：539；时间：2007－2－1

正文：
Should education be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective? To some extent, the speaker's assert is reasonable. Because there do have some (of the有点怪) flaws in today's education system, which needs to be improved (on). To improve the education by fitting for each student's taste or not, that will be a question. On balance, however, I tend to disagree.（on balance和disagree有点冲突阿，感觉）

In the first instance, we need to make a clear definition for "effective education". What is effective education? First, I have to commit the premise along with the author that our current education currently is not(neither) effective or not(nor) adequate. Otherwise, education doesn't have the necessity to ameliorate. Then, according to the realistic用real比较好，realistic是现实主义的含义多一些，而不是当前的含义 situation of education, we can define "effective education" as below: it amounts to far more than gaining the knowledge and ability to excel both in one's major course of study and in one's professional career; Effective education also facilitates an understanding of oneself, and tolerance and respect for the viewpoints of others; It likewise provides insight and perspective regarding one's place in society and in the physical and metaphysical worlds. In my personal view, "effective education" likes a perfect education we see in the crystal, it's far away in the Moon that we can not reach.

As we know, nowadays education does not specifically design to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. For example, in China, education you incept is not for your interest but determined by how many scores you can get in the examination. Pretty scores open you a door to the advanced school; maybe effective education is awaiting you. Nevertheless, even when study in such a school, you will also face rigid subjects that can't be chosen. Generation by generation, however, millions of students acquire the knowledge and ability to achieve their own goals in individual career, to subsist in harmony in the society, to make the history rolling forward under today's education mode. Can we persuade ourselves to bring forward that education is not "effective"? I am sure I can't. In this circumstance, I am harboring a violent doubt that our education is not effective. Just deeming it not perfect, we have to admit education doing work.

In addition, it's not dispensable to frame the education for everyone, that’s extraordinarily unpractical. German philosophy Leibnitz once said, there are not two completely same shaped leaves in the nature. While, each student differs, especially, from his/her character and need. Designing education to meet every student seems like a work to discern the cells in human body apiece. It will turn to be time-consuming and void.

In the final analysis, to become truly effective education, it must strike a proper balance in one's educational receive and pursuit. Certainly, students should accept the education educators projected for them. Whereas, they should complement those efforts by pursuing course work they really interest in, they should be more initiative as well. By earnestly pursuing the education in deed fitted one gains the capacity not only to succeed in a career, but also to find purpose and meaning in that career as well as to understand and appreciate the world and its peoples. That's the real(feasible) path to effective education.

[ 本帖最后由 blue_zsq 于 2007-2-3 10:50 编辑 ]