issue177 参加同主题

nkmatchUID: 2242521

177 "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."
15:30

提纲：同意
1.        认识规律使我们可以征服自然，即对我们外部的世界了解更多
2.        认识规律也可以使我们对我们自己了解更多，医学，解剖学，心理学
3.有时认识可能是错误的，在不断进步中接近真理。举亚里斯多德两个铁球落地的例子。
“You could not step twice into the same river”, one of the great Ancient Greek philosophers, Heraclitus said. Everything is changing, and everything has been changed, including the world we living, and including the world inside ourselves. Fortunately, all of these changes have their own disciplines, by learning which we can understand the world thoroughly.

Nowadays, one important issue of our human beings is to conquer the nature. Although we still have many things that we do not understand, most of the scientists believe that by studying the disciplines of the world we living they could finally find out the solution. Hundreds of years ago, nearly nobody could ever believe that we human beings could land on the moon, while we made it come true by learning the theories of physics. The moon seems no different from it used to be, except for the footprints. From this example we could support the issue that the study of academic discipline does alter the way we perceive the world. Thanks to the apple that had hit Newton, we know the river better.

Furthermore, now we have deep insight into ourselves too. By learning the anatomy, we know the way that our body works; by learning the medicine, we know how to fix our body when it does not work well. In the past, if some people suffered from the diseases such as the small pox, that means they had been sentenced to death. And being away from those ailing people is the only way to survive, while the discovery of vaccinia ended the killer for ever. Another good example in point is the study of psychology, one of the most important psychologists was Fruid. He changed the recognition of us and mentioned that the human were all forced by the libido. What we have done and what we will do have the connection. Some people do not agree with his theory, but this theory has changed the way we thinking a lot, we see ourselves with different eyes now.

Admittedly, the disciplines we find are not always right, and sometimes they could be wrong. For instance, Aristotle, one of the most important thinkers of the Ancient Greek had said that the two ferrous balls would fall down to the ground at the same time. Being considered as a truism for thousands years, Galilei changed people’s mind and made it into a right one. And examples as such are numerous, such as Copernicus and Bruno. That means we are still in a way that is full of changes, we could see the world in different way by learning the disciplines, while we could also keep in mind that we could know our world better only if we know the right way to understand it.

To sum up, taking all the discussion into account, we could finally reach the conclusion that by learning the discipline, we do see the same world with different eyes.


感觉开头写的有点乱，导致展开很费力~
多谢拍拍：）
留链必回！

hecrazyUID: 2230858

看一下这个链接：
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewth ... ;highlight=Issue177
是有关177的讨论

nkmatchUID: 2242521

：）我在那里留了回复呀：）
thank you :)

snownontraceUID: 2247677

177 "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."
15:30

提纲：同意
1.        认识规律使我们可以征服自然，即对我们外部的世界了解更多
2.        认识规律也可以使我们对我们自己了解更多，医学，解剖学，心理学
3.有时认识可能是错误的，在不断进步中接近真理。举亚里斯多德两个铁球落地的例子。
“You could not step twice into the same river”, one of the great Ancient Greek philosophers, Heraclitus said. Everything is changing, and everything has been changed, including the world we (living) live in, and (including) also the world inside ourselves. Fortunately, all (of) these changes have their own disciplines, by learning which we can understand the world thoroughly.
开头表明立场，应该说是对world这个词做文章，分成了外部世界和内部世界，角度新。如果划线句是你的主题句，可能和你全文想反应的东西有偏差。而且这句话和你的观点是矛盾的。你是认为学习学科能够改变认识事物的方式但是世界不变（你的结尾是这么说的），可是这句说的是一切都在变化。。。

Nowadays, one important issue of our human beings is to conquer the nature （征服自然和主题的关系不是扣得很紧）. Although (we still have) there are many things that we do not understand, most of the scientists believe that [by studying the disciplines of the world we (living) live in] they could finally find out the solution （方括号的部分放在本句尾比较顺）. Hundreds of years ago, nearly nobody could ever believe that we human beings could land on the moon, while we made it come true by learning the theories of physics （这个。。。人们是学了物理理论登陆月球的吗？）. The moon seems no different from it used to be, except for the footprints. (From) This example (we) could lend some support to the issue that the study of academic discipline does alter the way we perceive the world. Thanks to the apple that had hit Newton, we know the river better.（这句过于隐晦，估计只有会中文的能懂）
例子比较单薄，而且ms不太贴切，我们学习了某些东西，最终登陆月球了，月球上留下了人类的足迹，这个例子好像不能证明学习某种学科能够改变我们理解世界的方法（the way we perceive the world）。

(Furthermore) Meanwhile（这里不是递进关系）, (now) we have deep insight into ourselves too.(划线句意思明白，读来不顺) By learning the anatomy, we know the way that our body works（解剖学能弄清人体结构，好像不能回答work的问题，不如用physiology）; by learning the medicine, we know how to fix our body when it does not work well. In the past, if some people suffered from the diseases such as the small pox （弱问，这个是什么病？另外，联系下句，这里用患上比较好，suffer from好像侧重被疾病折磨的状态）, that means they had been sentenced to death. And being away from those ailing people is the only way to survive (这个不懂。。。是说死掉是病人活下去的唯一方式？解脱的话得换词), while the discovery of vaccinia ended the killer for ever （连接词用的不太恰当。）. Another good example (in point) （一来觉得不确定能不能这么用，二来删了不影响意思） is the study of psychology. One of the most important psychologists was (Fruid) Freud (两句话要拆开说). He changed the recognition of us and mentioned that the human were all forced by the libido. What we have done and what we will do have (the connection) interactions. Some people do not agree with his theory, but this theory has changed the way we (thinking) think a lot (改后语法虽然没有问题，可是不顺). We see ourselves with different eyes now.
所举的例子还是不能很好的支持观点。联系全文，这段是要讨论学习某种学科能够改变人们认识自身内部世界的看法的，而解剖学和医学，牛痘的那个例子没有提到改变人们认识自身内部世界……弗洛伊德的例子很贴切，但是要解释更透彻些。


Admittedly （这个词一般是让步的时候用吧，是不是用However更顺？）, the disciplines we find are not always right (, and sometimes they could be wrong) (重复). For instance, Aristotle, one of the most important thinkers of the Ancient Greek, had said that the two ferrous balls would fall down to the ground at the same time. Being considered as a truism for thousands years, Galileo (Galilei是姓) changed people’s mind and made it into a right one. And examples (as such) like this are numerous, such as Copernicus and Bruno. That means we are still in a way that is full of changes,(不懂。。。) we could see the world in different way by learning the disciplines, while we could also keep in mind that we could know our world better only if we know the right way to understand it.
这段是说人们的认识并不总是正确的，例证与主题相关，但是解说可能需要加强。最后哥白尼和布鲁诺的例子最好不要这么用，即使是一笔带过，最好也用一句话直接和主题扯上。

To sum up, taking all the discussions into account, we could finally reach the conclusion that by learning the discipline, we do see the same world with different eyes.
结尾一般不要简单重述题目吧。

总体感觉作者的语言需要锤炼，例证有待充实。把world拿出来说事儿的角度还是第一次见，赞一下活跃的思维！
补充一点，好像作者把题中的discipline理解为自然规律了？推荐还是看一下同主题的主贴分析吧。
个人观点，仅供参考。


[ 本帖最后由 snownontrace 于 2007-2-10 23:16 编辑 ]

nkmatchUID: 2242521

刚刚看到楼下的兄弟的修改～

感谢之余，说一下：）

这个的开头的确很不好，那句名言是突然想起来的，想用上，可是后来发现它并不适合后面的论述。
但是鸡肋无肉，但总有味～没舍得扔掉。


另外你说的我的论证的问题的确也很明显，论证的例子写的太少，显得不够丰满。

嗯，逻辑，多谢再次提醒：）

bless you：）