Argument117 【LOVEAW】第8次作业

katrinajjUID: 2242021

117The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

In this a memo, the manager conclude that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores by increasing the stock of home office machines and supplies. This conclusion rests on several unsubstantiated assumptions, and therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

In the first place, the survey the manager based on is not reliable. Lacking information about the number of the respondents and the representativeness of the respondent, it is hard to convince us the validity of the survey. The author also fails to provide any evidence that the survey conducted in the cities which have Valu-Mart stores. If a great part of the respondents respond for the survey are those people who are asked to take more work or the survey just conducted in a city that have no Valu-Mart story, it is impossible for the manage to draw any conclusion from this survey.

Secondly, even if we assume that the survey is reliable as it stands, the manager also the assumption that the needs of home office machines will increase. No evidence to show that people who take work home from work place require more home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. All these machines will cost a lot of money.  
It is high possible that they store the work in computer or in mobile hard driver after they finish the work at home, and then bring the work back to office to print and copy. That means they do not need to spend so much money to buy expensive machines. If increase the store of home office machines would add the load to selling over these machines, which indeed are troublesome thing to stores. Any of these scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the claim that the home office machines' sell with increase.

Finally, even the needs of home office machines and other office supplies go up, it does not follow the conclusion that office-supply departments can become the most profitable component of the stores. There are many other factors which would contribute to profit. The price of merchandise are affected by many complex factors, such as the price in other stores, the quality of the merchandise, after service and even the reputation of the brands. Only selling all these merchandise in a high price, can they benefit from the sale. Without considering all these factors that contribute to the price, we can not hastily draw the conclusion that the departments can be profitable. Moreover, even if the office-supply departments become profitable, to draw the conclusion that they became the most profitable component of stores must compare to other departments' profit. However, the manager provides no evidence to show this is the case.

In sum, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the manager must provide evidence to show that the needs for home office machines and office supplies increase and the store can benefit from the sale of them. The manager also must provide other statistic to show the office-supply departments can become the most profitable component.

katrinajjUID: 2242021

感觉有的地方分析得还是不清楚~

[ 本帖最后由 katrinajj 于 2007-2-22 13:09 编辑 ]

welcomebsUID: 2235250

前两天家里断网了,今天狂补作业,改晚了,见谅

In this a memo, the manager conclude that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores by increasing the stock of home office machines and supplies. This conclusion rests on several unsubstantiated assumptions, and therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

In the first place, the survey the manager based on is not reliable. Lacking information about the number of the respondents and the representativeness of the respondent, it is hard to convince us the validity of the survey. The author also fails to provide any evidence that the survey conducted in the cities which have Valu-Mart stores. If a great part of the respondents respond for the survey are those people who are asked to take more work or the survey just conducted in a city that have no Valu-Mart story, 应该详细分析出如果那里没valu mart导致了什么it is impossible for the manage(manager) to draw any conclusion from this survey.

Secondly, even if we assume that(去掉) the survey is reliable as it stands, the manager also the assumption(unfairly assumens) that the needs of home office machines will increase. No evidence to show that people who take work home from work place require more home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. All(In that all) these machines will cost a lot of money. It(, it) is high possible that they store the work in computer or in mobile hard driver after they finish the work at home, and then bring the work back to office to print and copy. That means they do not need to spend so much money to buy expensive machines. If increase the(the increased) store of home office machines would add the load to selling(sell) over these machines, which indeed are troublesome thing to stores.(这一句用在后面一段说PROFIT要有力度写) Any of these scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the claim that the home office machines' sell with increase.

Finally, even the needs of home office machines and other office supplies go up, it does not follow the conclusion that office-supply departments can become the most profitable component of the stores. There are many other factors which would contribute to profit. The price of merchandise(S) are affected by many complex factors, such as the price in other stores(the price competiton among various stores要有意思一点&_&), the quality of the merchandise, after service and even the reputation of the brands. Only selling all these merchandise in a high price, can they benefit from the sale.(这一句出现很突然,前后好象没有什么联系) Without considering all these factors that contribute to the price, we can not hastily(犹豫?应该是cursorily) draw the conclusion that the departments can be profitable. Moreover, even if the office-supply departments become profitable, to draw the conclusion that they became the most profitable component of stores must compare to other departments' profit. However, the manager provides no evidence to show this is the case.

In sum, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the manager must provide evidence to show that the needs for home office machines and office supplies increase and the store can benefit from the sale of them. The manager also must provide other statistic to show the office-supply departments can become the most profitable component.

还是应该加强论证强度,ARG要写好也要思路的
语言上还是有一定的语法错误
总体来说还是不错的
如果有修改不正确的地方请见谅
我快要上西天了感觉。。。

[ 本帖最后由 welcomebs 于 2007-2-25 03:43 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

可怜的组头...
原来你也没有睡...

welcomebsUID: 2235250

原来你跑这里来水了....