Issue20 【0706G－LOVEAW】第一次模考 by iq28

iq28UID: 2152875

TOPIC: ISSUE20 - "National governments should devote more of their social programs and services to children than to adults."
WORDS: 587          TIME: 0:40:00          DATE: 2007-3-7

There is no denying that how the children grow up will decide the future of a society. Therefore, it is not strange for the author to assert that governments should devote more programs and services to children than adults. Although the significance of cultivating the youths cannot be overlooked, the present society has to be sustained by the adults. Unduly emphasis on the development of the children will inevitably shackle the progress made by the adult, which is obviously the loss of the society, or even may bring about turmoil to the society.

Admittedly, the investment on children will be rewarded in the long-term, just as it did in Japan after the Second World War. When Japan loaded a sum of money not large enough, it devoted the money for the project which permitted a glass of milk everyday for its children, rather than help its unemployed people to create jobs. As those children grew up, Japan resurrected at an amazing speed, which is much faster than the west Europe. Children are more easily to gain larger progress than adults do if same amount of programs or services are given, for the adults are just like the sun at 15 pm while the children are just like the morning sun at 8 o'clock. The ability of children increases at double speed with half help, and on the contrary, the adults often feel they are not able to obtain much although they are wished to do so. The results of the support of children cannot be seen immediately, but the future rewards when the children become adults are enormous. Moreover, children are generally more vulnerable than the adults, both in the psychology and emotion. Consequentially they always need extra care of the government and the society just as the Japanese children received after the Second World War. So we can see that the social programs and services to children are wise or even necessary investments.

However, while we focus our limelight on children, we cannot neglect the demands of the adults at the same time. One simple reason is that those adults were just children who received great amount of support decades ago. If they now lack basic support, it will inevitably limit their power to contribute to the society, which is apparently a large waste of the previous investment on them when they were children. In such cases, the government should draw its attention on develop the economy of the society so that every adult can find his niche, so that they can give what they absorbed when they were children back to the society.

Furthermore, if their basic demands are not meet, the adults may not be able to make livings for themselves, thus a recession of the society occurs, which ultimately leads to a disorder of the society. Under such circumstances, the society just cannot sustain itself, like Russia in 1980s, not to say to donate for their later generations. Also, the adults are the majority who are responsible for the education of the children. Once the parents suffer from rejections of the society, they may simply have no mood to cultivate their children. It is difficult to imagine how their children can be educated well only accepting the support from the society, not from their parents.

In summary, the author's assertion lacks an overall review of the task of the government and the basic need of the society. A healthy and prosperous society calls for a balance support to the adults and the children.

iq28UID: 2152875

sigh
老毛病
第一个body太长
后面没时间写

chongxinlaiUID: 2235209

先口水一下时间和字数，仰慕三分钟。。。。。。
There is no denying that how the children grow up will decide the future of a society. Therefore, it is not strange for the author to assert that governments should devote more programs and services to children than adults. Although the significance of cultivating the youths cannot be overlooked, the present society has to be sustained by the adults. 觉得可以在这里加个前提given limited source之类的Unduly emphasis on the development of the children will inevitably shackle the progress made by the adult, which is obviously the loss 看北美总是用net losses不知道合不合适of the society, or even may bring about turmoil to the society.

Admittedly, the investment on children will be rewarded in the long-term, just as it did in Japan after the Second World War. When Japan loaded a sum of money not large enough, it devoted the money for the project which permitted supply？ a glass of milk everyday for its children, rather than help its unemployed people to create jobs. As those children grew up, Japan resurrected at an amazing speed, which is much faster than the west Europe. Children are more easily to gain larger progress than adults do if same amount of programs or services are given, for the adults are just like the sun at 15 pm while the children are just like the morning sun at 8 o'clock.好。。。好熟的句子，不过可以不要吧 The ability of children increases at double speed with half help, and on the contrary, the adults often feel they are not able to obtain much although they are wished to do so. The results of the support of children cannot be seen immediately, but the future rewards when the children become adults are enormous. Moreover, children are generally more vulnerable than the adults, both in the psychology and emotion. Consequentially they always need extra care of the government and the society just as the Japanese children received after the Second World War. So we can see that the social programs and services to children are wise or even necessary investments.觉得还是应该利字当头，儿童心理脆弱如果和利润挂钩，也没用，比如说心理素质越差的往往都是天才。。。。

However, while we focus our limelight on 学习了children, we cannot neglect the demands of the adults at the same time. One simple reason is that those adults were just children who received great amount of support decades ago. If they now lack basic support, it will inevitably limit their power to contribute to the society, which is apparently a large waste of the previous investment on them when they were children. In such cases, the government should draw its attention on develop the economy of the society so that every adult can find his niche学习, so that they can give what they absorbed when they were children back to the society这个成人也曾经是儿童的想法倒是没考虑过，觉得题目出得有些就事论事，不知道这个论点合不合适？.

Furthermore, if their basic demands are not meet, the adults may not be able to make livings for themselves, thus a recession of the society occurs, which ultimately leads to a disorder of the society. Under such circumstances, the society just cannot sustain itself, like Russia in 1980s, not to say to donate for their later generations. Also, the adults are the majority who are responsible for the education of the children. Once the parents suffer from rejections of the society, they may simply have no mood to cultivate their children. It is difficult to imagine how their children can be educated well only accepting the support from the society, not from their parents.

In summary, the author's assertion lacks an overall review of the task of the government and the basic need of the society. A healthy and prosperous society calls for a balance support to the adults and the children.通篇都是学习的对象啊，神啊，人和人的差距咋就那么大捏？不过大家目标不同，我能拿4.5就幸福了，lz要以6分为目标亚
老大有空帮我看看吧,郁闷死了
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=622695


[ 本帖最后由 chongxinlai 于 2007-3-7 19:51 编辑 ]

小猫儿UID: 2297873

There is no denying that how the children grow up will decide the future of a society. Therefore, it is not strange for the author to assert that governments should devote more programs and services to children than adults. Although the significance of cultivating the youths cannot be overlooked, the present society has to be sustained by the adults. Unduly(这里应该用形容词性吧) emphasis on the development of the children will inevitably shackle the progress made by the adult, which is obviously the loss of the society, or even may bring about turmoil to the society.(开头很有层次感,全文的结构一目了然)

Admittedly, the investment on children will be rewarded in the long-term, just as it did in Japan after the Second World War. When Japan loaded a sum of money not large enough, it devoted the money for the project which permitted a glass of milk everyday(every day) for its children, rather than help its unemployed people to create jobs. As those children grew up, Japan resurrected at an amazing speed, which is much faster than the west Europe. Children are more easily to gain larger progress than adults do if same amount of programs or services are given, for the adults are just like the sun at 15 pm while the children are just like the morning sun at 8 o'clock. The ability of children increases at double speed with half help, and on the contrary, the adults often feel they are not able to obtain much although they are wished to do so. (感觉这个论断在这段没有被证明,给人强词夺理的感觉)The results of the support of children cannot be seen immediately, but the future rewards when the children become adults are enormous. Moreover, children are generally more vulnerable than the adults, both in the psychology and emotion. Consequentially they always need extra care of the government and the society just as the Japanese children received after the Second World War. So we can see that the social programs and services to children are wise or even necessary investments.(觉得还可以从反面说一下如果不这样会怎样)

However, while we focus our limelight on children, we cannot neglect the demands of the adults at the same time. One simple reason is that those adults were just children who received great amount of support decades ago. If they now lack basic support, it will inevitably limit their power to contribute to the society, which is apparently a large waste of the previous investment on them when they were children. In such cases, the government should draw its attention on develop(developing) the economy of the society so that every adult can find his niche, so that they can give what they absorbed when they were children back to the society. (这段给人感觉与上段有点矛盾了,个人感觉提一下strike a balance的观点好一点)

Furthermore, if their basic demands are not meet, the adults may not be able to make livings for themselves, thus a recession of the society occurs, which ultimately leads to a disorder of the society. Under such circumstances, the society just cannot sustain itself, like Russia in 1980s(发生了什么?只是这样说的话我觉得跟没说是一样的), not to say to donate for their later generations. Also, the adults are the majority who are responsible for the education of the children. Once the parents suffer from rejections of the society, they may simply have no mood to cultivate their children. (这个观点很好，但是可惜没有展开)It is difficult to imagine how their children can be educated well only accepting the support from the society, not from their parents.

In summary, the author's assertion lacks an overall review of the task of the government and the basic need of the society. A healthy and prosperous society calls for a balance support to the adults and the children.(上次看到一篇文章说末段至少要三句,不知道是真是假)
LZ的后两段因为时间关系没有展开得很详细，不然的话感觉6分的可能性很大.最近看了几篇范文发现有几篇6分的都是没有写完的,个人感觉把每个观点develop好比写完结尾作用要大的说~~~

有时间帮忙看看我的吧,最近在争取飞跃,希望还能得到组副的批评的说^_^
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=623390&extra=page%3D4