Argument140【SWEETBOX小组】第二次作业 by Ma Yi Ming

mym1102UID: 2326718

第一次写Argument,一个字烂，写得跟四六级的作文似的。ashame
莫要留情，狠狠的批吧。
In this argument , the arguer recommends that Professor Thomas should receive a  $10,000 raise and a promotion concerning her attribution to Elm City University. To justify this claim the arguer provides the evident that Professor Thomas brings more money in research grant than her own salary and enjoy high popularity among students.The arguer fails to establish a causual relationship between Professor Thomas’s achievement and the promotion she should receive.
      First ,the arguer fails to reveal what makes Professor Thomas’s class one of the largest one’s , we don’t know whether it due to her great speech and affinity or just because she teaches a basic subject such as math ,literature that commonly has a large class.
      Second，a professor’s pay has little to do with the mount of money he bring to the university. The taxpayer’s money is for the research rather than the scientist. And more   money brought to the university in research grant does not mean more excellent the professor is. The research field should be taken into count , for instant ,the money need for the research of nuclear power is much greater than the metaphysics. Therefore the money brought to the university exceeding her salary can hardly prove that Professor Thomas should get a raise and a promotion.
      In addition , whether Professor Thomas will leave for another college ,if pay ment is the only reason, depends on whether other college pays more. The arguer should analyze more details about the payment of other college to reach the conclusion that Professor Thomas will leave for another college.

小破孩UID: 2125288

In this argument , the arguer recommends that Professor Thomas should receive a  $10,000 raise and a promotion concerning her attribution to Elm City University. To justify this claim the arguer provides the evident evidence that Professor Thomas brings more money in research grant than her own salary and enjoy high popularity among students.是不是加个连词汇好一点eg. However, bla bla blaThe arguer fails to establish a causual relationship between Professor Thomas’s achievement and the promotion she should receive.
      First ,the arguer fails to reveal what makes Professor Thomas’s class one of the largest one’s , 另起一句，之前的是ts,之后的是论述we don’t know whether it due to her great speech and affinity or just because she teaches a basic subject such as math ,literature that commonly has a large class.虽然有可能，但是题目已经说了botony，不太可能交math, literature吧，没展开
      Second副词secondly，a professor’s pay has little to do with the mount of money he bring to the university. The taxpayer’s money is for the research rather than the scientist.taxpayer的钱好像是给老师工资的，好像research真的要自己弄钱来，不知道，呵呵And more   money brought to the university in research grant does not mean more excellent the professor is. And the great amount of money she brought doesn't guarantee her research exellence? 不知道为什么一定要用more阿之类原文里的词，自己写不是更多样化吗？这里加个连词是不是会好点接下一句The research field should be taken into count , for instant ,the money need for the research of nuclear power is much greater than the metaphysics. Therefore the money brought to the university exceeding her salary can hardly prove that Professor Thomas should get a raise and a promotion.
      In addition , whether Professor Thomas will leave for another college ,if pay ment is the only reason, depends on whether other college pays more. The arguer should analyze more details about the payment of other college to reach the conclusion that Professor Thomas will leave for another college.
没有结尾？最好还是有个吧，现在还不需要计时的时候，呵呵

看上去你得introduction比每一个body都要长哦，好像不应该，论述的可以再充分一点，多一些连词看上去更连贯
偶不才就不误人子弟了，一点建议，加油加油

wzhfutureUID: 2264867

In this argument , the arguer recommends that Professor Thomas should receive a  $10,000 raise and a promotion concerning her attribution to Elm City University. To justify this claim the arguer provides the evident（evidence） that Professor Thomas brings more money in research grant than her own salary and enjoy(enjoys) high popularity among students.(However)The arguer fails to establish a causual relationship between Professor Thomas’s achievement and the promotion she should receive.      First ,the arguer fails to reveal what makes Professor Thomas’s class one of the largest one’s(ones) , we don’t know whether it(is) due to her great speech and affinity or just because she teaches a basic subject such as math ,literature that commonly has a large class.(这句话语法有误，可说we don’t know whether it is due to her great speech and affinity or just because she teaches a basic subject such as math ,literature that she has a large class,并且已知他教botany)      Second，a professor’s pay has little to do with the mount of money he bring(s) to the university. The taxpayer’s money is for the research rather than the scientist(s). And (the)more   money brought to the university in research grant does not mean more excellent the professor is. The research field should be taken into count , for instant ,the money need(ed) for the research of nuclear power is much greater than the metaphysics. Therefore the money brought to the university exceeding her salary can hardly prove that Professor Thomas should get a raise and a promotion.      In addition , whether Professor Thomas will leave for another college ,if payment is the only reason, depends on whether other college(s) pay more. The arguer should analyze more details about the payment of other colleges to reach the conclusion that Professor Thomas will leave for another college.
感觉有些粗心，理由有些不充分，不过大家开始都一样。一起努力

mym1102UID: 2326718

不是理由不充分阿
有些东西用英语就是不知道怎么表达
多谢二位指点，我会努力写好下一篇的