ARGUMENT145 天道酬勤小组

alarenmingUID: 2329302

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 352          TIME: 00:29:45          DATE: 2007-7-9 13:58:29

Can you get the same conclusion with the author those who snore ought to eat less and do more exercises than those who do not? sorry I can not for there is no evidence can convince me.

first, the new report given by the speaker lack of details. he never show us how the report do, how large of the range, who sampled for the report. I have reason to believe it is just make up by the author who want to make him more ground. And there is some observation in the report, people have different bodies' situation, some of them are easy to get fat even they drink water whereas some glumous person are very thin.  In this sense, the author's report failed to convince me.

second, no evidence shows that tiring arise from snoring. even if it is a fact that people who snores wakes up during his sleep time, we can not contribute fatigue to the factor. It is possible the day is hot, in which situation, people are easy to get tired and want to have a rest. And it is also possible that the person who sampled for this never full of spirit during the day-time before they do not snore. without to exclude all this possibility, I can not trust the speaker again.

third, this is not rational to oversimply the conclusion to all this people who snores. even if the study is based on the careful survey, it do not mean it is suitable for all people who snore. Just like some soft drink is a good method to improve people's spirit, but for some people it will cause heart attacked. So, maybe it is a effective way to eat less and exercise more for some who snores,  for the ones who either snores or get an illness called dyslex is not a advisable suggestion. and it is also not a good method to help those athletes who have a snoring problem. In this aspects, the conclusion seems unrational.

in sum, the speaker should analogy more perspective. never get an conclusion so easily.

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

ARGUMENT145 天道酬勤小组
TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 352          TIME: 00:29:45          DATE: 2007-7-9 13:58:29
Can you get the same conclusion with the author those who snore ought to eat less and do more exercises than those who do not? sorry I can not for there is no evidence can convince me.
开头多摆些实事比较好，比如打鼾到变胖的中间过程，可以为下文的展开提供思路

first, the new report given by the speaker lack of details. he never show us how the report do, how large of the range, who sampled for the report. I have reason to believe it is just make up by the author who want to make him more ground. And there is some observation in the report, people have different bodies' situation, some of them are easy to get fat even they drink water whereas some glumous person are very thin.  In this sense, the author's report failed to convince me.
举了一些反例，但组织的不够有条理，句子之间也缺乏必要的连接词，对于打鼾者具体状况的反驳可以用一句总领，比如The author fails to provide the healthy conditions of snorers, the possible case might be that ……，or perhaps……

second, no evidence shows that tiring arise from snoring. even if it is a fact that people who snores wakes up during his sleep time, we can not contribute fatigue to the factorcontribute 的用法错了. It is possible the day is hot, in which situation, people are easy to get tired and want to have a rest. And it is also possible that the person who sampled for this never full of spirit during the day-time before they do not snore.这句不大明白 without to exclude all this possibility用复数, I can not trust the speaker again.

third, this is not rational to oversimply the conclusion to all this people who snores主题句含义模糊. even if the study is based on the careful survey, it do not mean it is suitable for all people who snore. Just like some soft drink is a good method to improve people's spirit, but for some people it will cause heart attacked. So, maybe it is a effective way to eat less and exercise more for some who snores,  for the ones who either snores or get an illness called dyslex is not a advisable suggestion. and it is also not a good method to help those athletes？ who have a snoring problem. In this aspects, the conclusion seems unrational.

in sum, the speaker should analogy more perspective. never get an conclusion so easily.
结尾应该再丰富下
这篇文章LZ写得可能有点匆忙吧，咋一看字数应该还达不到要求
拼写错误和一些语法错误我就不改了，放Word上就很明白了，LZ自己也能改出来