9月ibt小组第四次作业——optoAz

optoAzUID??2313070

低头。。我承认大作文我写了一个半小时才写完。。。第一次写。。太痛苦了。。。
参考了不少模板不说，往word里面一复制，红红绿绿的下划线看得自己都惨不忍睹。。。
不知道谁批改俺的第一次作文。。。忍忍吧。。写的实在挺惨痛的。。。

写的时候听群里人的鼓励：一起加油。于是，突然觉得温暖。。

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作文
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

1.想change污染问题
2.reason 污染影响健康
3.reason 经济利益
4.reason 环境破坏
5.让步，很多其他方便需要改变。总结。

As the society developed in our hometown in the latest decades, a great mass of problems occurs, such as population, medical treatment and education. But judging from my own experience, nothing is more crucial than to deal with the pollution problems.

You cannot emphasize the importance of the pollution problems to our health too much. As everyone who lived in my hometown knows, pollution damaged their health tremendously. Let's see some instance: the pollution of air makes old people and child catch cough, seriously become to pneumonia; the pollution of water and soil translate the delicious vegetables into prison, so that people who eaten it will have stomach aches; what's more, people who always drink the polluted water may get hematonosis. All of these facts can point out that pollution harms our healthy seriously and we must take step to tighten up pollution.

The second reason for me to change the pollution problem in our hometown is that this problem has great influence to the economy. There is no doubt that economy is the centre of development, it links with person's life level tightly. So pollution, which can make pigs and cows get sick, or keep the tourist out of our hometown, or let government pay a lot of money for tackle the problem, can deeply affect the economy of one area. This is also why I want to change it in my hometown.

If the consideration about the healthy of human-beings and the economy is the product of practical pragmatism, the destruction of environment by pollution can be more far-reaching and have greater impact than the healthy and economy problems. The last but not the least reason for me to change pollution is that pollution well damages our environment. On no account can we ignore the importance of environment, it affords us the air, the water, the earth, and everything we need to survive. Without environment, the whole human life will have no base. So we should spare no effort to protect our environment.

Maybe someone will say, the education, the corruption and lots of things should also be changed. Of cause these things are also essential, but these are just not so closely related to the future of human beings. So we should get into the habit of controlling pollution, and do our utmost to achieve our goal in it. That is the reason why I want to change the situation of pollution.


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口语
A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Well, judging from own experience, personally, I'd rather like to suggest this foreigner to visit our hometown, the grassland in Inner Mongolia at spring.
The most essential reason I give this suggestion is that the grassland in our hometown has very attractive view. The sky is blue, grass is green, and a lot of purple flowers blossom at that time.
What's more, there's also many delicious food in the grassland. For example, roast-mutton, mile-tea, cheese, and so on. That’s yummy.
At last, the person can also meet some beautiful grassland girls or boys. Maybe he or she will become the visitors’ bf or gf. (104)
长了点，自己念了下，44S刚刚好。这次就不改了，以后可以再压缩的短一些。

louyi871UID??2298943

作文If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.1.想change污染问题2.reason 污染影响健康3.reason 经济利益4.reason 环境破坏5.让步，很多其他方便需要改变。总结。As（with） the society developed in our hometown in the latest decades, a great mass of problems occurs, such as population, medical treatment and education. But judging from my own experience, nothing is more crucial than to deal with the pollution problems.You cannot emphasize the importance of the pollution problems to our health too much. As everyone who lived (live) in my hometown knows, pollution damaged their health tremendously. Let's see some instance: the pollution of air makes old people and child catch cough, seriously become to pneumonia; the pollution of water and soil translate the delicious vegetables into prison(poisonous), so that people who eaten it will have stomach aches; what's more, people who always drink the polluted water may get hematonosis.例子很具体，不错 All of these facts can point out that pollution harms our healthy seriously and we must take step to tighten up pollution.The second reason for me to change the pollution problem in our hometown is that this problem has great influence to（on） the economy. There is no doubt that economy is the centre of development, it links with person's life level tightly. So pollution, which can make pigs and cows get sick, or keep the tourist out of our hometown, or let government pay a lot of money for tackle the problem, can deeply affect the economy of one area. This is also why I want to change it in my hometown.If the consideration about the healthy of human-beings and the economy is the product of practical pragmatism, the destruction of environment by pollution can be more far-reaching and have greater impact than the healthy and economy problems. The last but not least reason for me to change pollution is that pollution well？？ damages our environment. On no account can we ignore the importance of environment, it affords us the air, the water, the earth, and everything we need to survive. Without environment, the whole human life will have no base. So we should spare no effort好短语 to protect our environment.感觉这一段和之前意思的有点重叠，可以提出新例子或具体一点Maybe someone will say, the education, the corruption and lots of things should also be changed. Of cause these things are also essential, but these are just not so closely related to the future of human beings. So we should get into the habit of controlling pollution, and do our utmost to achieve our goal in it. That is the reason why I want to change the situation of pollution.整体不错啊，lz太谦虚了。我每次也要写一个小时。汗。。。。例子和理由适当，语言也很清晰，但感觉句式可以多变一些，连接自然一些。才开始写嘛，大家一起进步，加油！口语
A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
Well, judging from own experience, personally, I'd rather like to suggest this foreigner to visit our hometown, the grassland in Inner Mongolia at spring.The most essential reason I give this suggestion is that the grassland in our hometown has very attractive view. The sky is blue, grass is green, and a lot of purple flowers blossom at that time.What's more, there's also many delicious food in the grassland. For example, roast-mutton, mile-tea, cheese, and so on. That’s yummy.At last, the person can also meet some beautiful grassland girls or boys. Maybe he or she will become the visitors’ bf or gf.
理由例子都不错，要使感觉太长了，可以把前面那些I give this suggestion等的去掉或缩减一些，还是不要影响例子充分的表达。

optoAzUID??2313070

鞠躬！谢谢修改评论。辛苦了~！
已经把ls修改的版本都打印下来了。。
拿回去慢慢研究。。
感觉从小词到文章整体，都帮我看的很细致啊。感谢了~！

goalimanUID??2336523

我也差不多，基本都需要one hour

四海为家06UID??2295809

As the society developed in our hometown in the latest decades, (with the fast development of our hometown in the latest decades) a great mass of problems occurs, such as population, medical treatment and education. But judging from my own experience, nothing is more crucial than to deal with the pollution problems.You cannot emphasize the importance (great influence to) of the pollution problems to our health too much. As everyone who lived in my hometown knows, pollution damaged their health (这个说法不地道)tremendously. Let's see some instance:（这个也太中式英语了） the pollution of air makes old people and child catch cough, seriously become to pneumonia; the pollution of water and soil translate the delicious vegetables into prison（。。。太夸张了吧）, so that people who eaten it will have stomach aches; what's more, people who always drink the polluted water may get hematonosis. （例子举得很具体，但句式存在比较大的问题，不是很通顺流畅，建议润色一下）All of these facts can point out that pollution harms our healthy seriously and we must take step to tighten up pollution.The second reason for me to change the pollution problem in our hometown is that this problem has great influence to the economy. There is no doubt that economy is the centre of development, it links with person's life level tightly. So pollution, which can make pigs and cows get sick, or （去掉）keep the tourist out of our hometown, or let government pay a lot of money for tackle the problem, （这个句式太中式了，可以说成：cost too much money from government budget）can deeply affect the economy of one area. This is also why I want to change it in my hometown.If the consideration about the healthy of human-beings and the economy is the product of practical pragmatism, the destruction of environment by pollution can be more far-reaching and have greater impact than the healthy and economy problems. The last but not the least（这个短语很特殊，虽然在最后，但在各个论点中要占有最大的篇幅，看外国人都是这么写，所以用在这里觉得不妥）reason for me to change pollution is that pollution well damages our environment. On no account can we ignore the importance of environment, it affords us the air, the water, the earth, and everything we need to survive. Without environment, the whole human life will have no base. So we should spare no effort to protect our environment.（这段说得比较抽象，比起前两个段落没有具体的事例支撑，建议改）Maybe someone will say, the education, the corruption and lots of things should also be changed. Of cause these things are also essential, but these are just not so closely related to the future of human beings. So we should get into the habit of controlling pollution, and do our utmost to achieve our goal in it. That is the reason why I want to change the situation of pollution.



改我的好认真，被感动，向你学习这种精神，工作+考T，真的不容易

总体来说，文章的结构很清晰，论点明确
但存在的主要问题就是句子的结构，这个在ETS的评分中占有很大比例，请LZ注意
语法问题确实有点严重，但多读例文就好了
文章第四段建议大改

PS：如果上网查英文用法是否地道，建议用GOOGLE，百度在这个方面太差，呵呵—————————————————————————————————————————————口语
A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
Well, judging from own experience, personally,（这个两个不是一个意思吗？）I'd rather like to suggest this foreigner to visit our hometown, the grassland in Inner Mongolia at spring.The most essential reason I give this suggestion is that the grassland in our hometown has very attractive view.（明显的语法错误）The sky is blue, grass is green, and a lot of purple flowers blossom at that time.What's more, there's also many delicious food in the grassland.（这么说不会让人觉得很恐怖吗？。。。草地里竟然有人可以吃的食物？） For example, roast-mutton, mile-tea, cheese, （这些吃的都在草地里？）and so on. That’s yummy.At last, the person can also meet some beautiful grassland girls or boys. Maybe he or she will become the visitors’ bf or gf.

[ 本帖最后由 四海为家06 于 2007-7-21 20:09 编辑 ]