[九月iBT]第7次作业，请拍砖

sigtemUID??2169461

写作：
You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

If I had the opportunity to pay a visit to a foreign country, the United States is my first choice. I want to go to this country for several reasons.

First of all, I want to visit some universities that I want to apply for in the future. I am a graduate student studying for master degree now. I am seeking for an suitable university in America because I want to continue with my further study for PhD. Since the information from web sites are limited, I have a dream that if only I could pay a visit to my ideal universities before application, for example, Johns Hopkings University. In this case, I can to directly speak to the professors in the major of bioinformatics. The most interesting topics to me are how much finance support they would give to your students every year, how many students they want next year, and what specific technique of computer science they may use. I think that if could get such useful information before application, the possibilities of success will be largely increased. This is one reason why I want to visit U.S.

Secondly, I want to visit my uncle in the U.S. I love my uncle very much who is in New York. I clearly remember that when I was very young, my uncle brought me to the most beautiful park in my home town in China and took a lot of photos. He was very humorous and easy going. However, I have not seen my uncle for more than 20 years after he settled in America. I miss him very much. I know he have twins children recently whom I have never seen. I want to talk with him about those interesting thing in the past, and those about my relatives. Also I want to see how lovely his twin sons are. All these attract me to visit U.S.

Thirdly, there are many places of interest in America too which I want to see on myself. The U.S is a very beautiful country with a great number of sceneries around. I want to see the because there are brilliant forests and various precious animals in it; the magnificent Statue of Liberty in New York because it symbolize the independence of U.S; and the famous Golden Gate Bridge in California State with fascinating view in the evening. I think the whole journey can be finished in two weeks.

In sum, if I have a chance, I would like to visit U.S. I could visit famous universities, and beautiful places of interest, and also visit my uncle. I think it would be a fantastic journey.

口语：
Plant can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one kind of plant that is important to you or the people in your country? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

In my opinion, the rose flower is the most important plant in my country. First of all, rose symbolizes love, which is the most importance of it. Almost every boy buys rose to give to his girlfriend in order to show his true love. There is not any other flower which can substitute rose.

Secondly, I think rose is very beautiful. I often put some rose in the vase in my room. The red color of rose makes my room very nice.

So I think rose is very important to people in my country.

optoAzUID??2313070

写作：
You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

首先字数十分赞……
If I had the opportunity to pay a visit to a foreign country, the United States is my first choice. I want to go to this country for several reasons.（开头简单干净利索，比俺这等用了很多句套拐弯抹角的舒服。。）

First of all, I want to visit some universities that I want to apply for in the future. I am a graduate student studying for master degree now.（两个I am句子挨着放在一起，看上去有点生硬，考虑加个小连接词？） I am seeking for an（a） suitable university in America because I want to continue with my further study for PhD. Since the information from web sites are（is） limited, I have a dream that if only I could pay a visit to my ideal universities before application, for example, Johns Hopkings University. In this case, I can to(这里语法有问题么？我语法不好，读起来有点别扭。) directly speak to the professors in the major of bioinformatics. The most interesting topics to me are how much finance support they would give to your （代词是不是有些问题？前面是they后面是your?）students every year, how many students they want next year, and what specific technique of computer science they may use. I think that if （这里是不是缺个主语？） could get such useful information before application, the possibilities of success will be largely increased. This is one reason why I want to visit U.S.
理由充分。。细节很多~主题句子明确，后面用因果举例展开，逻辑关系清楚。结尾总结句明确，挺好滴
我怎么就没想到这个例子捏。。
语法问题方面，因为俺语法真的很烂，只能找出来我看着不太舒服的地方。如果俺说的不对的没找出来的，还请lz包涵哈。

Secondly, I want to visit my uncle in the U.S. I love my uncle very much who is in New York. I clearly remember that when I was very young, my uncle brought me to the most beautiful park in my home town in China and took a lot of photos. He was very humorous and easy going. However, I have not seen my uncle for more than 20 years after he settled in America. I miss him very much. I know he have twins children recently whom I have never seen. I want to talk with him about those interesting thing in the past, and those about my relatives. Also I want to see how lovely his twin sons are. All these attract me to visit U.S.
Lz的理由和论据想的十分好啊。让人觉得很可爱很温馨，逻辑结构紧凑，段落读起来也通顺平滑。
顺便想问，lz的叔叔是真有一对漂亮双胞胎么？^_^

Thirdly, there are many places of interest in America too which (where?) I want to see on myself. The U.S is a very beautiful country with a great number of sceneries around. I want to see the(?) because there are brilliant forests and various precious animals in it（it指代风景？上面用的是复数。。这里是不是需要变一下？）; the magnificent Statue of Liberty in New York because it symbolize the independence of U.S（句子不完整？主句的主语谓语呢？）; and the famous Golden Gate Bridge in California State with fascinating view in the evening. I think the whole journey can be finished in two weeks.（结尾点题很好）

In sum, if I have a chance, I would like to visit U.S. I could visit famous universities, and beautiful places of interest, and also visit my uncle. I think it would be a fantastic journey.
总体，觉得lz写东西的思路特别好啊。不管是reason还是例子都给出的很恰当，让人觉得舒服，不生硬。段落结构也清楚，十分值得俺学习。还是上面说滴，俺语法十分不好，修改的很多地方都是我看着有点别扭的。如果没问题，请lz直接忽视。。呃，最好还是跟俺说一声，我也提高下自己。。

口语：
Plant can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one kind of plant that is important to you or the people in your country? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

In my opinion, the rose flower is the most important plant in my country. First of all, rose symbolizes love, which is the most importance of it. Almost every boy buys rose to give to his girlfriend in order to show his true love. There is not any other flower which can substitute rose.

Secondly, I think rose is very beautiful. I often put some rose in the vase in my room. The red color of rose makes my room very nice.

So I think rose is very important to people in my country
Wa.竟然跟我写的一样，都是rose..我们的英雄所见完全相同。
结构完整用语流畅，建议一些词语适当做一些同意替换，比如important之类滴。其他都很好。

chao2317UID??2178047

我觉得口语部分是内容越具体越好，多有数字，地点等等，一些泛泛的形容词达不到效果，继续加油%:handshake

sigtemUID??2169461

回optoAz:
首先字数十分赞……
If I had the opportunity to pay a visit to a foreign country, the United States is my first choice. I want to go to this country for several reasons.（开头简单干净利索，比俺这等用了很多句套拐弯抹角的舒服。。）

First of all, I want to visit some universities that I want to apply for in the future. I am a graduate student studying for master degree now.（两个I am句子挨着放在一起，看上去有点生硬，考虑加个小连接词？） 有道理，我正在考虑…  I am seeking for an（a） suitable university in America because I want to continue with my further study for PhD. Since the information from web sites are（is） limited, I have a dream that if only I could pay a visit to my ideal universities before application, for example, Johns Hopkings University. In this case, I can to(这里语法有问题么？我语法不好，读起来有点别扭。) 确实有问题，笔误，应该删去todirectly speak to the professors in the major of bioinformatics. The most interesting topics to me are how much finance support they would give to your （代词是不是有些问题？前面是they后面是your?） 应该改为theirstudents every year, how many students they want next year, and what specific technique of computer science they may use. I think that if （这里是不是缺个主语？） 漏了I could get such useful information before application, the possibilities of success will be largely increased. This is one reason why I want to visit U.S.
理由充分。。细节很多~主题句子明确，后面用因果举例展开，逻辑关系清楚。结尾总结句明确，挺好滴
我怎么就没想到这个例子捏。。
语法问题方面，因为俺语法真的很烂，只能找出来我看着不太舒服的地方。如果俺说的不对的没找出来的，还请lz包涵哈。

Secondly, I want to visit my uncle in the U.S. I love my uncle very much who is in New York. I clearly remember that when I was very young, my uncle brought me to the most beautiful park in my home town in China and took a lot of photos. He was very humorous and easy going. However, I have not seen my uncle for more than 20 years after he settled in America. I miss him very much. I know he have twins children recently whom I have never seen. I want to talk with him about those interesting thing in the past, and those about my relatives. Also I want to see how lovely his twin sons are. All these attract me to visit U.S.
Lz的理由和论据想的十分好啊。让人觉得很可爱很温馨，逻辑结构紧凑，段落读起来也通顺平滑。
顺便想问，lz的叔叔是真有一对漂亮双胞胎么？^_^

Thirdly, there are many places of interest in America too which (where?) 这里貌似可以用which I want to see on 改on为by myself. The U.S is a very beautiful country with a great number of sceneries around. I want to see the (?) Yellow Stone Park，我真是太粗心了 because there are brilliant forests and various precious animals in it（it指代风景？上面用的是复数。。这里是不是需要变一下？） it指代park，怪我; the magnificent Statue of Liberty in New York because it symbolize the independence of U.S（句子不完整？主句的主语谓语呢？） 这几个短语同为I want to see的宾语，这个长句我写得不好; and the famous Golden Gate Bridge in California State with fascinating view in the evening. I think the whole journey can be finished in two weeks.（结尾点题很好）

In sum, if I have a chance, I would like to visit U.S. I could visit famous universities, and beautiful places of interest, and also visit my uncle. I think it would be a fantastic journey.
总体，觉得lz写东西的思路特别好啊。不管是reason还是例子都给出的很恰当，让人觉得舒服，不生硬。段落结构也清楚，十分值得俺学习。还是上面说滴，俺语法十分不好，修改的很多地方都是我看着有点别扭的。如果没问题，请lz直接忽视。。呃，最好还是跟俺说一声，我也提高下自己。。


非常感谢批改，optoAz得语法很好，你太谦虚了

sigtemUID??2169461

我写作文的一大特点，关于个人的论据一般都是虚构的:)

optoAzUID??2313070

原帖由 sigtem 于 2007-7-25 14:58 发表
我写作文的一大特点，关于个人的论据一般都是虚构的:)

懂了。。从今以后，我家阿姨也在意大利生了一对漂亮的双胞胎。。
:loveliness:
lz的论据写的很好啊，细节很多。。而且不空洞，很可爱~